The Curse of the Responsible Child

The Curse of the Responsible Child

I will never know what it is like to be an only child, but I know what it is like to be the one your parents deem the most “responsible”. At first glance being the responsible child sounds great. Your parents often withhold things when you are younger if you are not responsible, but that all changes once you reach adulthood. Responsibility becomes a liability. It becomes the reason everyone gives for putting you in charge of fixing their crap and listening to their problems.

How do you know if you are the responsible child? Let me give you some clues:

1)      Is it automatically assumed, and rightly so, that you will take care of your parents should they need help in their golden years?

2)      Are you the one called not only when you are wrong, but also when your sibling(s) behave badly?

3)      Are you the primary beneficiary or executor of the will because your parents are sure you would do the “right thing”?

4)      Do your parent’s new retirement friends think you are an only child?

5)      Does your niece/nephew list you as a guardian on school forms?

6)      Does your parent’s doctor ask you to back him on his health referrals?

7)      Is your house, without question, the holiday destination?

8)      Do you parents excuse your bad behavior because by comparison you are still the most reasonable option?

9)      Do your siblings accuse you of getting better treatment? And if so, do you feel this treatment is rightly deserved and justified?

10)  Are other responsible children pointing and laughing at you with a knowing look on their faces?

If you have answered yes to more than one of these questions you are more than likely the responsible one. Welcome to the club. My husband and I are both flag waving, t-shirt wearing members. We accept and wear our titles because we shutter at the alternative. “Responsibles” as will call them are not made. You are either born with it or you aren’t. Parents, I have learned, know this and start trying to figure out “the good one” early on. That is why they try to teach us all about being responsible. They want to see which one of you suckers is going to fall for it and live a life of always being on call, on time, and thinking clearly. Responsibles sit in emergency rooms, fill out police reports, pick-up kids that are not ours, dog sit when friends go out of town, remember appointments, marry the “right” guy/girl, stay sober when needed, and shun criminal activity. For some it happens slowly, for others the evolution to responsible adult is like the snowball falling down the mountain.

My friends and I have often wondered if our membership can be revoked. We have concluded that the only way to get out is to beat our siblings at their own game. If you don’t want to be the responsible child you must find a way to top their foolishness. The problem is most Responsibles aren’t willing to make total fools of themselves in the name of freedom.

If you are a responsible thinking of quitting, I would like to remind you what you are up against. All of the following stories are true. They did not all happen to me, but they happened. How do you top someone who:

1.      Left her children with her mother so that she can follow the boyfriend she only knew for 2 weeks to a South American/Caribbean country? Sister had no job, no plan and no way to make this sound like a good idea.

2.      Calls at about 12:30 in the morning to tell me he had just gotten married to a person we had never met.

3.      Tells his mother that he was going to serve hot dogs and spaghetti as a holiday meal.

4.      Decides to buy a house in another country because too many strays live at her home that she may not actually own.

5.      Gets arrested as an adult. (More than once)

6.      Sent a child to visit with ring worm and did not tell the host family

7.      Bought a motorcycle instead of paying bills.

8.      Joining a bike club without a bike.

9.      Got a neck tattoo.

10.  Quits jobs every few months despite there being a recession and having 2 kids.

11.  Got her hair done, but did not pay utilities.

12.  Returns home after not calling for almost a year with a kid and no explanation.

13.  Shows up with no license and list of errands to run.

I think you get the picture. My delayed gratification earned me the presents and praise I get for not causing loads of grief and embarrasment. Being responsible and holding it together may be hardwork, but someone’s got to do it. And I am just the sucker for the job!