That is normally grounds for eviction from my home and may explain why I do not torment myself by owning a scale. Besides, I have numerous doctor appointments thanks to my crazy colon and am well aware of how much I weigh.
The Wii and I did not start out on the best terms. I made mention to my husband that my best friend had one and told him I wanted to lose weight. So instead of buying me the gift I had been subtly hinting at he bought me a Wii Fit for Christmas. Now, I know how this would end in most houses, but because I know my husband does not have a malicious bone in his whole body when it comes to me I did not give him any of the usual “What are you trying to say with this gift” or “Are you saying I need to loose weight?” talk that would normally accompany a gift like this. Yes, he is a lucky man! I know he just heard me say I might want one and he took that as the hint instead of the hints I was really dropping. Subtly is a lost art at my house.
Calling me “obese” however was not the Wii’s only offense. When asked why I am so much larger than my last weigh in, the machine would not let me give the satisfactory answer. I have just had a baby!!!!!!!!!! Instead it asked me about late night snacking and some other random options that totally do not apply to me. That as my husband would say “is a total pisser offer”. Not to mention the fact that the sensor was not reading my motions and told me I was “barely breaking a sweat” despite the perspiration dripping down my back. Even my Mii had a sad face.
You know what else gets me crazy. People who randomly ask me about my weight. I will list some examples.
Police officer I work with: “You look like your gaining weight.”
Client: “When is your baby due?” (I was not pregnant then)
Coworker: “What is wrong with your face?” (This one almost got me fired!)
Mother: “Why does your stomach look so big today?”
Woman I know from church: “ARE YOU BREASTFEEDING? I KNOW A GOOD NIPPLE CREAM!” (Yes. She yelled it across the parking lot.)
Coworker: “I can tell you are not ready to have the baby because your breasts haven’t gotten big yet?”
Coworker: “Are you getting an epidural or are you going to take it like a big girl?”
The list could go on and on. I often wonder what it is about me that makes people feel so comfortable saying crazy things to me. My friends get a kick out of my stories, but the question remains. What would possess someone to say something like that to me?
My friends say I sometimes have my “counselor face” on when I am off the clock and that the face makes people feel a little too comfortable. Fine. I will accept that. My next question is why people look so surprised when I give them an attitude. Did you really think that I wanted to discuss my breasts and my uterus with you? I DON’T KNOW YOU! I am all for breastfeeding and childbearing, but what I do with my body is not for public discussion.
I do not want your tips on nipple massage or sexual positions that induce labor and for the love of God don’t ask me if am pregnant unless I am standing in a puddle clutching my basketball shaped stomach asking for directions to the hospital and even then I want you to look surprised and tell me I carried it well.
All I want is a little common courtesy. On second thought, I may take the batteries out the Wii to make it an example. We all know the line. “I am mad as heck and I am not going to take it anymore!”
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