Men vs. Women: His List

Husband and I have several ongoing debates, but by far the most is entertaining is the one about men vs. women. We each state our case for gender bias by listing all the reasons we would not want to be a member of the opposite sex. Here is a some of his list in no particular order.

1. Childbirth- Husband is convinced that if men had babies mankind would ceased to exist because the first guy would have told the others what happened and nobody would have done it again. “It is just logic. You don’t push large things out of small holes.”
2. Being hit on by a guy- Husband has made it clear that he would be a lesbian. “I’m not dating someone with hair their chest.” When reminded that a man could shave his chest he decided that anyone who would have chest hair to remove need not apply, but he does not even want to be hit one by a man. “I don’t want to hear any of that ‘Hey, baby’ ‘What’s your name?’ What’s your sign’ stuff”. No asking him for a quarter to tell your mom about meeting the woman of your dreams.
3. Womanly Cycle – “If I wake up and I am bleeding don’t ask me to do nothing. I mean I’m bleeding and you want me to do stuff. No I don’t want to go to the movies. I don’t want to hang out and go to dinner. Work? Whatever! I’m bleeding. I’m going to bed. I’ll call you when it’s over.”
4. High heels – “If God meant for you to walk at a 35/45 degree angle you would have been made that way.” He admits he likes when I wear them, (I am 9 ½ inches shorter.) but is adamant that this is ok because he never asks me to.
5. Spanx/Pantyhose – The are hot, tight and sometimes itchy. He can’t understand how the desire for a smooth stomach can drive a woman to suction herself into a lycra bodystocking for hours. He also can’t understand that the logic of wearing an unsexy flesh tone body stocking in an effort to look hot in a cocktail dress. “You get a guy interested and then won’t let us see what is underneath.”
6. Hair – You rip it out your leg and buy it for your head. “Who’s idea was it to sit under a hood with hot air?” He likes the finished product, but nothing about the process is appealing. Husband helped me with my hair one time. (To prove it could not possibly be that hard or take as long as I make it seem.) It took 2 ½ hours and he burned himself on a piece of hair that he was curling. Now it can be 1 AM and if I say I am going to wash my hair he will go mow the lawn to get away.

His list goes on, but I think you get the point. As far as he is concerned being a woman requires too much maintenance. “It’s everything. You all have suck it, pluck it, and plug it. It is just too much.” He might be right, but it is still better than waking up with back hair.