Men vs. Women: My List

Sometime ago in a blog far away and lost forever I gave a brief look into my husbands ongoing list of reasons he is glad he was not born a woman. Well, I have a list of my own. I could probably think of a 101 reasons I am glad I was not born a man, but here are just my top 5. I will recap his reasons another day.

1. I would have to date/marry a woman. Every woman I know is crazy in some way, shape, or form (present company included) and even the thought of it makes my head hurt. However, I know I couldn’t be gay because as much I love men just the thought of someone being near my “Do Not Enter” zone makes me shift in my chair. Women, on the other hand, will make you feel like your brain is on fire. They want you to respect them as an equal partner, damsel, princess, CEO, caregiver. Whatever that means!

2. Razor bumps. Can you say “Owww”? They look so painful. I would totally be rocking the ZZ Top and that is not sexy. No offense to ZZ or his top.

3. They wear too many clothes. As a woman on a hot day I am only required to wear underwear, a dress and flip-flops. Husband has to wear underwear, t-shirt, a regular shirt, shorts, socks, and shoes. On a day when I am running late for work or church I wear underwear, a dress, and shoes. He wears underwear, t-shirt, regular shirt, pants, tie, dress socks and shoes. On a night out I wear underwear, nice dress, heels. He wears a suit including the jacket and tie. I think you get the picture. Which brings me back to point #1. Despite admitting that Husband needs more items on a daily basis, I will not give him the big closet because I have way more clothes. You can only wear the same dress so many times and what about the days when I am not late, lazy or going somewhere fancy?

4. “Honey-do” lists. I have never come home to find that my husband has left a list of chores for me. My husband cannot say the same. It is an odd double standard because if my sweet husband did start rattling off his expectations for how I should spend my day I would go off on a fit about treating me like a child, not being his servant and an all around women’s lib tirade. He on the other hand listens and responds with “I’ll see what I can do.”

5. Puberty. With the exception of wearing a bra, most girl changes take place under the radar. I did not grow 8 inches over the summer. I did not have my voice crack and drop. I did not have to walk with a text book in front of my pants because some I thought was cute sat next to me in class. My mother never had to clean my sheets after an “exciting” dream. As long as they keep making Midol, I will choose cramps over that any day of the week.