Never Go Viral

When I first started this blog my goal was to be 100% honest and transparent. I was going to use it to get all of my thoughts out in a forum that would provide the cushion of anonymity. I would be free to say whatever I wanted however I wanted. I now see that I may have a problem. Unlike my first blog, I have told all my friends about this site.

Can I really talk about what I think and how I feel knowing that they are reading? Most of what I talk about is gleaned from my conversations with them anyway. I typically keep them out and just write the thoughts I hold on the periphery, but what would happen if I went deeper. Could I really talk about the things that are on my mind without getting them all upset? Am I clever enough to make fun of my friends without setting off all their alarms or drawing the attention of others? Does joking about what my feelings about their life stuff constitute as putting their business in the street? What is a girl to do? It may sound silly, but I know that people will be trying to figure out who is who.

Not that my friends don’t know how and I think and feel about important topics, but I filter my responses because I am known to be a little harsh otherwise. Everyone says the internet emboldens you, but it scares me. You can never take back the words that you say. Maybe I should start blending people together. Who am I fooling? I can barely keep my thoughts straight as is. I know I can’t handle some crazy coding system.

The question is simple: How far am I willing to go? Do I want Chyna and Mallow to know how I feel about their relationship status? Can I joke about friends I think should get divorced, married, new jobs, better clothes? Can I get say online what I say to them on the phone? I mean really, how long will it take for Bandit to remember why that would be her blog name? I have a whole supporting cast of crazy that I have not even begun to discuss. JJ will totally know if I talk about her, but will she be flattered or offended?

Maybe I should have made my blog about baking or the trouble I am having getting my new business off the ground. Maybe it should have been about my futile struggle to find a new job while dealing with a job that makes me literally want to cry every time I get in my car because I hate it so much. Maybe it should have been about how cute my kids are. I could have written about any number of things, but as anyone who knows me will tell you there is no topic I love more than “ME”! I love to talk about me. I love to hear about me. I love for things to revolve around me. A place all about me is hard to come by when you are married with 2 kids and all kinds of other responsibilities. So I created this blog to be a place for me and my thoughts. Now other people and their feelings are encroaching on the last frontier of my “me” space. Woe is me!

At first my only concern was how I would get more readers. I decided to send a link to my friends and ask them to follow and pass it on to their other friends. Truth be told, I never expected most of them to read it. Just to spread the word so that I could get more looks and possibly some clicks on the ads to make a little extra change. (That might not be pretty, but it is true.) My friends, of course, did not do that. Like most friends they never do I what I think they should, but I love just the same. Most of them just bookmarked the page. So I don’t have more followers, but now they actually read it. Why couldn’t they treat it like one of those chain emails they send me all the time? Just pass on the link and keep it moving. What is the matter, guys? Are you scared I will embarrass you with my crazy ranting? You think I will spill the beans or that someone will figure out which one you are? Well, that won’t be a problem now. Since it is just us, I plan on letting my hair down.

If you don’t tell anyone it’s you, I won’t either and we can focus on what matters – ME!