The Voice

I used to work with a girl that reminded me a lot of Christina Ricci. She had a face like a kewpie doll and the body of a pocket sized Jessica Rabbit. The thing I remember most about when I first met her was her voice.  You would think from the description it would have been honey sweet and smooth or have that seductive Demi Moore rasp, but that was not it at all. When she opened her mouth it sounded like Fran Drescher had been drinking 180 proof through a 2 pack a day filter. It was fun to watch people’s faces when they would first hear her speak – especially guys. They would smile and ask a question and you would slowly watch it turn from smile, to horror/confusion, to curiosity. Is she kidding? Is she really a he? Does she have a cold? She later explained that it was the result of having scarlet fever twice when she was a child. Her vocal cords were permanently damaged, but that didn’t make the reaction any less funny.

In 1986 at 5’10”, 235lbs with a 71” reach Iron Mike Tyson was the most dangerous man to cross the ropes, that all changed when he gave his heavyweight champ victory interview. From that moment on fearing him became “ludicrous” and people made fun of him even though we all knew that one hit could at the very least knock you out. Michael Jackson is another one.  I am sure it must have been hard for him to come to terms with becoming a man in the spotlight after everyone fell in love with him as a boy, but that weird whisper voice was not the sound I expected from the man belting out Thriller.

Be honest, you have spoken to people on the phone and been surprised to meet them because they looked nothing like you expected. My husband has a very deep voice. He has gotten a lot of comments about it. He has heard it all. People have joked that he sounds like the guy who would host the “Midnight Love” segment on the radio, but my favorite was the woman who based solely on the sound of his voice whispered “I love you” when she thought he had hung up the phone. She has no idea what he looks like – although he is a hottie!

My little nephew was born with the Barry White tone. People used to call just to hear him talk on the phone. Imagine a 2 year old growling his words. We used to joke that after puberty his voice was going to be so deep that it would be inaudible. Then he went to school and realized that none of the other little boys sounded like him so he started trying to sound like them. Now he sounds like Peter Brady from the “Time to Change” episode. It is kind of cute because I can’t wait for the day he realizes that his real voice will make him a hit with the ladies. He also has no idea that having cute curly hair is a plus either. As of know his brothers make fun of him for having hair “like Grandma”. Ahhh…sweet innocence.

I digress. What about accents? Like the first time you meet someone that you think is from another country and they start talking with a Southern drawl. That sweet little old lady in front of you who starts yelling in another language and even though you are not sure about the translation you know she is cursing. You can’t say that she didn’t catch you off guard.

My real question is how to handle the shock of jacked up voices. I know that laughing is not appropriate. Am I supposed to pretend like I don’t notice? I mean, really. The person has to know. I can’t be the first one to have noticed that the face and the voice are not a match. What do you do?