Men, Women and Sex

I like to preface any post that exposes my true feelings with a warning to not read further if you don’t want to get to know the real me. This is one of those times.

There is a common misconception that has often been reinforced for laughs on television and in movies, but the truth is simple and must be acknowledged – Nobody (women included) gets married with the intention to be celibate. I mean really, let’s be honest, the only thing separating my husband from my best friend besides a band full of diamonds is the intimate nature of our relationship. If it were not for the sex I could have married Chyna and had a fabulous combined wardrobe. I could have married Mallow because she is almost as tall as Husband and can reach all the things that I can’t and our house would be exceedingly stylish. Foxy is good for jokes and I would marry JJ Santana just to steal her ITunes download list. The point is that while you should love your spouse as a person and friend, it is the sex that makes that relationship special.

I was engaged for 9 months. It did not seem like a quickie, but someone at my old job asked why I was in such a rush. I told her, "That is the only way we Christian girls can get any. So the sooner the better." She laughed, but I was only half joking. That really was the only way I was going to be able to "sit at the big kid table".

So why are there dry spells?

I used to love a movie called Shag with Brigitte Fonda and one of the guys refers to marriage a “legalized prostitution”. He infers that men are just paying their wives with gifts and such for the pleasure of their company, so to speak. I also have heard the same idea from Gov. Spitzer’s former call girl and others. The idea is that women withhold because men don’t pay or that they give it up in exchange for getting things done. This is not exactly true. It is just hard for some people (including men) to feel sexy with someone that you have asked to do something for 4 days with no progress.

For others that is not a problem. For some sex is like that itch on the bottom of your foot. You will drive with your left foot if you have to because that is an itch that you just cannot ignore. For some sex is just an itch that they need to scratch and what is the point of having a backscratcher at your house if you can’t use it.

Prior to getting married Husband and I had to go through pre-marital counseling at the church I grew up in. Anyone who has ever had the experience can tell you there is nothing quite as disturbing as having pastors you have known for your entire life tell you about sex and their sex life. In my class they talked about sometimes having to “participate” even when you don’t want to. My favorite was the analogy that women are like slow cookers and men are like microwaves. In his class they talked about listening and working through the emotional minefield that is a woman’s psyche.

Not once did they tell him that he might need to take one for the team or that I might want to work on listening to his needs. They did not mention anything about what to after it has been 2 weeks since the arguement and neither of you has apologized. They don't tell you that sometimes you are going to want the "sex" without the "make-up". Not that I would have wanted to hear that from them anyway, but at least it would have been a more real scenario for me than waiting for him to get home before letting my kids eat so that I can demonstrate his being the head of the household and allow for us to be together at the table. That is some nonsense and I refuse to be stuck in the house with a 2 hungry babies just so he can seem important. Either you are important or your not, dinner is not the deciding factor.

The thing is that men and women want the same things. They want to feel heard and listened to by their partners and they want sex. It improves mood and job performance. It reduces stress and releases endorphins. It burns calories and makes your kids seem less whiny. It improves your complexion (at least that is what my high school boyfriend told me). Why do you think newlyweds "glow"?

So, do yourself and your partner and favor and just give it up!