Spell Check

Spell check is making me stupid. I never was a great speller, but my dependence on the spell check function has lowered my skills to levels not seen since the 2^nd grade.  It is now impeding my ability to fill out forms or to write notes to people. I am constantly second guessing myself. I found myself singing “I before E except after C” when trying to spell inconvenience. I just spelled it wrong again only to have the auto-correct fix it immediately after I hit the space bar.

I wondered if I was the only one, but Husband assured me that he had the same thing happen to him when he went to write on the board in front of his students. He was going to write the word “piece”, but in the moment he could not remember “I before E”, but knew that it had something to do with C. Then he decided, “Screw it. I’ll just write portion.” I am convinced that that is how it is for so many of us.

I had to turn off the auto-insert on my text messages because it was constantly trying to tell me what it thought I should be saying. Sometimes I really do mean to write “eva”. The last thing I need is another spelling crutch.

It was not always like this. I remember being in the 3^rd grade and the whole school got on the Hooked on Phonics program. Laugh if you must, but “Hooked on Phonics worked for me!” I did the program at school for a year and a half and while I would never have won a spelling bee, I could at least write a decent elementary school essay. Please keep in mind that at this point in history typewriters were still a valid option. The idea of a computer fixing all your mistakes was left for Star Trek and that Mathew Broderick movie War Games.

Spell Check has crippled me the same way my 3^rd grade math teacher did. I realized that before handing in the homework the teacher would go over all the problems on the board so that we could check our work. At that moment a light went off in my little slacker brain and a voice from deep inside me said something I will never forget. “Why in the world would I do homework at home if you are going to give me the answers before I hand it in?” I never did math homework again in life. It is no wonder that I suck at math despite getting A's. Now spell check has given that voice new life. “Don’t worry if that word looks funny. Spell Check will catch it!”

The funniest part of my spelling debacle is that it is never the hard words. It is never a word like tuberculosis or supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, but a word like attached or dyeing. It is like I am in second grade all over again. Sitting at my desk with my fancy new erasable pen getting ready to take my spelling test and she says those fateful words, “Please spell NEIGHBORHOOD.” All I can do is sing “I before E except after C” and then wait for the big red X because clearly they did not take word into consideration before teaching that stupid rhyme to children.  

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Yep. That pause you just felt was me hitting the spell check button before posting. For the record I had spelled supercalifragilistic wrong. Not to worry though; spell check got it!