1,500 Or Less

That is my daily calorie intake goal. Every day I check to see if my back fat is getting any smaller and I am proud to say that due to my new exercise regimen it is. WOO HOO! Now that I have my exercise thing going I need to focus on all the random calories that I ingest. I took one of those “Tailor Your Diet” surveys and was embarrassed to answer some of the questions even though I was the only person who could see my answers. The simple truth is that I eat too much.

I eat when I am hungry and when I am not. I eat when I am happy or sad. I eat when I am bored. I eat to stay awake at my desk. I eat because I don’t want to go to bed hungry. I eat because my son is eating. I eat because I don’t want his food to go to waste. I eat all the time. Looking back, I realize that I have always been that kind of eater, but the things that I eat now are totally different.

I used to eat and snack on fruit, veggies, yogurt, and other stuff like that, but after being diagnosed with UC and being put on a restrictive low fiber diet for almost a year I developed some terrible habits. There were days I used to long for a salad. I would have killed for some broccoli or spinach, but every time I tried I would get sick. So, after a while, I quit trying. My diet consisted of pasta, rice, bread and canned fruit. It was terrible. Now, I have been given the green light to eat all the fruit and veggies I once craved. I just don’t know how to go let go of the bad foods. They are my fall back. They are the foods that were there when I felt my crappiest and even though I still don’t want to eat them every day and begged the doctor more than once for to approve more vegetables I am scarred to let them go. But I am psyched to at the same time and I am honestly more excited than nervous.

So now, I am one a mission to replace my bad foods with good ones. I am going to get all those foods that I have been craving. I just made some asparagus which I can’t wait to snack on this afternoon.  I was all set to go and then Crazy Quinn shows up at my desk and says, “Someone told me that you will be available more to help us out at the front desk on Thursdays and Fridays.” WHAT? She cannot be serious. I must have given her the two-headed monster stink face because she then said. “You know, since your guys aren’t here…whamp…whamp…whamp”. To which I replied, “I will be in the office, but I still have things to do.” What kind of nerve does it take to ask me to go up there just because she and her little crew think they are too good? And why does everyone assume that I am not busy just because I don’t run around the office telling everyone how swamped I am and what I am doing? I don’t tell you I am too busy to talk because I actually am too busy to talk.

As if this was not bad enough, one of my bosses called me into his office to complain that I don’t give him enough notice regarding my vacation. He implied that it would be “common sense” to check with he and the rest of the group. I declined to remind him that when I started this job and asked about vacation everyone gave me the same answer, “Oh, just get it approved by Matlock” and that is what I have been doing ever since. What I did say was this, “I understand that you are pausing so that I can give you a response and that this supposed to be some kind of exchange, but it really does not matter what I say to you because I will never be right. So I am just going to respond with ‘Ok’, ‘I will work on that’ and ‘I understand’”. He did not seem to understand and then began to exaggerate about how I am not helpful despite being overqualified and probably bored. Then he tried to get me to say that I am bored. I might look stupid, but I am not and until the day I quit and deliver my “This is what I really think of you” speech will never admit to being anything other than enamored with my job.

After it was determined that his only request regarding vacation in the past was that I postpone celebrating my wedding anniversary, which I did, (Yes, I waited to celebrate my anniversary for this kind of treatment.) he went on about how they were depending on me and someone else had to set up and get it done. Mind you, the only thing he mentioned that this person did in my absence was make photocopies and mail envelopes. He paused. I asked if there was anything else. He said that was all. I immediately went to my coat and took my 2 best dollar bills out and headed for the vending machine.

“I can get at least 3 things with this” was my only thought. It was either the calories or my job because I could not risk what might come out of my mouth if I didn’t keep it busy. 1,500 will have to begin tomorrow.