72 Days

I love to surf the internet while I am “working”. I constantly check People.com, Eonline, EW.com, yahoo, and msn. They are my go to ways to kill a couple minutes when I am on hold or trying not to scream “WHY?” I know more random celebrity/entertainment information than anyone I know. I read about shows I love and shows I hate. I take in a lot of random nonsense.

Surprisingly though I generally live a pretty Kardashian free life. I may read a story about a photo shoot or look at Kim’s 3 dresses, but I am honestly not that into it. I don’t begrudge them any success. It takes a lot of guts to build a brand from a “leaked” sex tape. I just am not interested in investing in that kind of success, but this divorce in EVERYWHERE and to be honest I am not sure why. I suspect that the only person TRULY surprised is Kris Humphries.

I am totally on the outside looking in, but I think it was a miracle that they made it past the 3^rd date. They did not even look like they should be friends much less life partners. They just did not seem to be on the same page at all, EVER! Besides the usual,
“I like ice cream.”
“Me, too”
first date conversation these two people did not seem to have much in common. That is generally a red flag for things not ending well.

The thing is, I can totally understand getting caught up in wanting a wedding and the fairytale ideas. I, much like our girl Kim, was one of those girls who grew up planning the wedding and by the time I was engaged had an “insert groom here” style plan already mapped out. I get it. What I don’t get is why nobody seemed to question her about if this was what she wanted in the long run.

I love my family, but they thoroughly irritated me with questions about if I was sure and questions about if I really “understood” and “knew” what I was doing. “Of course, I know what I’m doing!” I was 24. I knew EVERYTHING! (Whew. Thank God I was right this time!) Where were her friends? I am pretty sure her sister had to know how this was going to play out. That is right, Khloe. I’m calling you out because I am pretty sure you are the brains of this operation. It took you less than 30 days to realize Lamar was “forever”. Couldn’t you take 10 minutes to decipher a 72 day catastrophe? I’m not saying Kim would have believed you, but maybe you could have saved us all a 2 hour special event had you brought some of the glowing neon “STOP!” signs to the attention of Mr. Humphries.

I don’t wish divorce on 99.5% of the population. (Sorry, I will never be cool with Eddie and LeAnne.) It is not easy for anyone and the embarrassment is only magnified by having millions of people watch it play out. I really hope for her (and him, especially him) that this all blows over and goes away soon and I can go back to marginal Kardashian knowledge.

Kim did get me thinking, however, about some unions that I wish had worked.

Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman – Besides agreeing with JJ Santana that “he was just so unattractive that I figured it had to be love.” I just felt like this was one of those situations where he was well aware of her crazy and seemed to be not only ok with it, but well-prepared for it and she seemed to be grounded by his presence. It just seemed like a good fit.
Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins – They just seemed to have gotten it right. I was kind of looking forward to the wedding she promised when they turned 80.

Courtney Cox and David Arquette – They just seemed to bring out interesting things in each other. I hoped counseling would help them keep it together, but talking exercises will only get you so far. Sometimes the quirks that draw you in become the irritants that push you away.

Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley – I don’t know why, but I just wanted them to prove everyone wrong. Besides the kid they would have had would have had the best debut album sales ever and how much fun would that kids’ Tell All book have been.

Hugh Hefner and Holly Madison – For some reason that young woman really wanted to be with that old coot and he just could not get it together. I just could not understand why anyone in that guy’s position would mess that up and her “blind” love for him deserved to rewarded with a happily ever after.

Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards – This one comes with an asterisk. I wanted them to work under the “Reformed Bad Boy” title. I would not want someone to stay with someone doing the things she alleged when she filed for divorce, but I was rooting for the couple that ballroom danced at their wedding and made Charlie Sheen cry.

What can I say? I am just a sucker for a GOOD love story!