I was in a crazy hurry on Friday and forgot to put my wedding band back on before I left the house. This Monday one of my male coworkers commented about the reappearance of my ring with, "Yeah, you better put that back on before someone sees you and tries to scoop you up." My response was, "Ha!"
The idea that someone would try to "scoop me up" is hilarious. Chyna and I have had this conversation before because while I am kind of cute she is without a doubt what any guy would call hot. This is not to say that I am not attractive, but I illicit more "Awws" and she gets more "Daaaammmmnnnn!" with the neck crane. We both have pretty positive outlooks and easy going natures that make guys think that we would be awesome to be dating or married to. We laugh because we know two men who despite being quite smitten would tell a totally different story.
It is kind of like the scene in Clueless when Cher is explaining to Tai why Elton would want to be with Amber.
Cher: No, she's a full-on Monet.
Tai: What's a Monet?
Cher: It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess.
We are kind of the same except in a less dramatic sense. What these people don't realize is they get the polished version of us.
It is common knowledge that you are supposed to put "your best foot forward" and many of us will admit to behaving differently at work. Most of us even have a "work voice". You know you don't really talk like that and that you what the person on the other end of the phone is asking really is a dumb question, but you are willing to pretend like it is not because you are work.
I can see why it is easy for people at work to get caught up and believe that really fun joking person that brings homemade cookies and loves to talk about last night's game they see at work is like that and "on" all the time at home. They would be SO wrong.
I am like the person who comes to an interview with a great resume and makes good small talk. Then you hire me and realize that I surf the Internet, make personal calls from the office phone, and took a 2 hour lunch. I know what they are thinking. She cooks, she cleans, she bakes, she likes sports, she makes her husband look bad in public, she plans to lose the baby weight, she has a job. It all sounds good, but they have no idea what it is like to live with someone who can't reach most of the shelves in her own house. Someone who constantly loses her keys. I am someone who not only needs 4 hours alone to do my hair, but I will leave a trail of said hair all over the house, your car, and your clothes. (It is a good thing that I am not a mistress.)
I wake up in a bad mood just like everyone else, but because we work together you have no idea, but I promise you Husband has! That not so sexy Queens accent that everyone always marvels about me not having. Husband hears it all the time. My completely irrational train of thought that makes people laugh hysterically are the things that Husband really has to experience on a daily basis. It would be easy for me to see all the guys who flirt thinking that life with me would be sweet and start thinking that I am hot stuff, but I know that I am only appealing one man on a long term basis and made sure to pee on that tree.
Whenever I would start a new job or meet new sets of employees I would always notice that the guys were always so nice to me and they would want to hang and we would laugh and have a great time, but after about a month or two they would always back off. I used to be puzzled until husband and I talked and I realized that they were feeling me out to see just how serious I was about this marriage thing and once they figured out that I had no interest in starting a harem they would venture off to scour some other neighborhood. I saw one of those guys today and our conversation went like this:
Him - Somebody's watching you.
Me - Sorry, but there is not much to see here.
Him - That's your opinion - not mine.
Me - (I just kept walking.)
It just reminds me of a saying I learned from the TV show Blossom in the episode where the popular girl spends the night at her house and proves to be a jerk, "Don't sit to close to the ballet. It ruins the allusion."
I am just full of 90's references today.
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