You Stink

If you smell something funny in one spot and move to another and that area stinks to you should consider smelling yourself. No, really, if the smell is everywhere that you go the likelihood is that YOU are what stinks.

I bring this up because I cannot understand why so many people are in denial about how they smell. I am not talking about homeless people or addicts who may have either developed a tolerance or may be too high to notice the smell. I am also not currently referring to those who think so highly of themselves that they wholeheartedly believe that even their poop doesn't stink. No, I am referring to actual BO- smelly pits, weird funky must, and bad breath. I would also like to include people who are so determined to cancel out the possibility of a bad smell that they overdo the cologne/perfume and leave a trail of sneezing and fume induced headaches in their wake.

I really just don't understand how people don't know that they smell. I am almost hyper-aware when it comes to these things. I know when I have eaten onions or garlic or whatever and am aware that until I get to the bathroom to "brush my breath", as a guy I knew in high school used to say, I should stand at a respectful distance. Bad breath may be the worse because you never see it coming. It usually does not hit you until it is too late to make a graceful exit. The thing is, I would begin to question myself if everyone spoke to me tilted away at a 45 degree angle. Halitosis is real and it is serious and if you have it you should take the proper precautions. Maybe cut down on the H words or stand at arms length, invest in Trident - I mean they have some with layers now- whatever it takes. Just stop pretending that you don't know.

The same can be said for BO. I will admit that I can run for like 2 miles without really looking like I have broken a sweat, but that is not true. I sweat and I am particularly susceptible to underarm sweat. People at the gym don't know this because my workout gear is sleeveless- for just that reason. I cannot, however, come to work that way. I make it a point to routinely check for dampness and adjust accordingly. (That is right. I bend my head a little next to my shoulder and take a good smell. I also will lift my arm a little and check to see if any moisture needs to be dabbed away in an emergency trip to the bathroom.) Why is it that others cannot do the same? Why do other people think it is OK to hug when I can clearly see there sweaty pits? It is like being stuck in a slow motion horror movie and with every step you can hear that music from the shower scene in Psycho. AEHHH! AEHHH! AEHHH! All I want to do is run, but we are at work and I am supposed to be a professional, so I do what I think anyone in my position would do...I stick my right hand out to shake and hope that will not only stop them, but maybe even provide a safe breathing distance between us.

The same is true for people who smoke. I know that you were outside and that you think that the fresh air magically blows away the cigarette smoke and the lingering odor, but that is not true. You stink and when you get in the elevator to go back to work you make the elevator stink, too. If you want to air out you have got to leave the smoker section and then stand in some sort of breezeway. Old coffee breath- You Stink! I am just telling you this for your own good. People are talking about you in the office. Trust me- I'm one of them.

Knowledge is power and now that you know please stop pretending like it is not you and go get the travel size baby powder and mini bottle is Listerine. Thank you.