I never thought that I would have to say this, but obviously things that I take for granted can no longer be considered common sense. It is never ok to tell random people at your standard issue office job, "I just really love d***." What is wrong with you that would make you think that this is ok? In case you were wondering this statement is not ok if you work retail either, unless you work at one of those "specialty" stores.
I bring this up because I have overheard a lot of ridiculously inappropriate things while sitting at my desk. I have had an executive, but not a direct boss tell me that he liked my blue eyes (my bra was blue that day, my eyes are brown every day). This same exec that I will call Blue Eyes in honor of his bra comment, once asked me if I had started to "ignore my husband, yet" since I had a baby. (It was clear from his tone that he wante to know if I was ignoring him sexually.) He was going through divorce to a MUCH younger woman at the time and I guess instead of telling him that he was old and unattractive and that she married him for money she decided to pretend that she was preoccupied with the children and too tired. Still my first thought was, "REALLY, Dude! This is how you are going to come at me." I just responded with a deflection and walked away.
Then there was the time while telling my boss Zeppelin that a man with the last name Long called he replied with, "long...like my 3rd leg." REALLY, people! Is that what we are doing these days. What in the name of Anita Hill is going on here? In case you were wondering, he says that the "leg" comment was made because I never get rattled by anything. He is old, has made no real advances and is not a threat to me, so I don't care enough to report him, but I have to admit that what he said was not only unprompted, but totally out of the realm of normal conversation.
When did people start losing their minds and decide that talking crazy was ok. Maybe that is why we can't keep an HR person. It must be a harassment nightmare for them. Gloria Allred would have a field day in here. We are one Gloria Steinem expose away from being the Playboy Club. You may be asking why nobody brings this to the attention to HR. I will tell you from experience with our HR department that complaints about the men in this office fall on deaf ears. It is kind of like being stuck in an time warp or an episode of PanAm or Mad Men where it is still okay to slap that stewardess or secretary on the butt. However, I have seen a woman get reprimanded. Hooray for women's lib! They better hope none of us start watching 9 to 5 with Dolly Parton, Lilly Tomlin and Jane Fonda. Their boss did not fare so well at the end of that movie.
I come here 5 times a week and I hear a lot of crap. Most of it just leaves me scratching me head wondering, "Really, people, really?"
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Baby Face
LoLo and Suga had a pretty action packed weekend with birthday parties on both Saturday and Sunday. I missed the first party because Mallow thankfully wanted a little "auntie time". (Let's just take a moment to thank God for people who call and ask to babysit. You have a special seat in heaven.) The second party was at a cute kids place with glow in the dark bounce castles and balls and stuff. While I was there struggling to make small talk with people that only see once every few years despite having grown up together I realized something that made me both smile and cringe.
My kids were WAY cuter than there kids! To be fair, the birthday girl was pretty cute. Thank God she looks like her dad. (The dad may be my friend, but trust me when I say that I am not biased against the mother, but with those eyebrows- despite plucking-, the weird beady eyes and pointy face, she is just not the beauty pageant type.) Her cousins, however, were not so lucky. I expected one of them to be kind of hard up because her mother was never "a looker" if you know what I mean, but the rest of his siblings are pretty attractive. Which left me to question what happened and what am I supposed to say when they bring up cuteness?
The whole situation reminds me of back when I worked in retail this girl wanted to make a sale so badly that she just raved to the customer about how beautiful her baby was and called all the other associates to come over and rave about the baby. So much so, that she called me from the back room to chime in. I come out and look under the stroller hood to see what was to this very day the UGLIEST scrunch face hairy baby I have ever seen in my life. All I could do was something like, "Wow, that is a baby," and retreat back to the back. What she did was not fair to that woman. She made her and her baby into a spectacle and I would never want to do something like that to someone. A mother knows what her baby looks like. They know if they meet cultural standards of beauty or have "a face only a mother could love".
Let me be clear about one thing. I have friends with really cute kids. Jigga and Chyna have really cute girls. JJ Santana and Q-Diva have the most adorable nephews and my sisters kids were some of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. Seattle's kids look like they could have been ordered from a catalog. (I would buy one) While I have definite Mommy bias, I am also pretty realistic about what my kids look like. I notice every little flaw because I am always watching them. I know every mark scar, mannerism, and weird feature. I love all their quirks, but I know that they are not little perfect Ken and Barbie people. I know my LoLo has one eye that squints when he smiles and that Suga has thumb toe. Hey, I need to be able to take it as good as I give it and my kids are no exception.
In situations like the one at the mall and at the party that I was at this weekend, I see so many people lying to parents that I am also pretty skeptical of the compliments that I get from other people. I know some people subscribe to the "all babies are cute" school of thought. I am not one of those people.(Don't make that face. I need a realistic understanding of what I am working with. It in no way changes my love for them, but pretending like you are young Brad Pitt when you are more Seth Rogan is not my style. They are both cute and each has his place, but they are not the same.) With that said, I have come to the conclusion that LoLo and Suga are in fact very cute little people.
That brings me back to the party. I was at a loss for how to respond when conversations went like this:
Me: Hey, girl
Them: Hey, how are you? I can't believe how big he is now. He is so handsome.
Me: Oh, thank you.
Them: That is my baby over there.
Me: Yeah. I saw her. How old is she now?
Them: She is 4. Can you believe it?
Me: She is tall...What else have you been up to?
Them: Not much. Chasing behind them. I saw your little girl, too. She is adorable. That is my son over there.
Me: Oh. I see he likes basketball. How old is he?
Them: 3.
Me: Wow. They are close. I don't know how you do it. I will see you later. I think LoLo has to go potty.
He didn't. I just needed to get out of there. I know what she is thinking. She wants to know why I have not commented on her child's looks. The thing is, I don't think it is beneficial to lie and pretend the kid is cute, but I see no reason to be a jerk and insult someone else's child. I would be devastated if someone did that to me. Even I am not that bad and who knows, they could grow out of it and turn out to be BEAUTIFUL. In the meantime the question is what do you do when you see an ugly baby? I choose the duck and cover. I think it may have worked.
Like that momm my love for my kids is unconditional and I will think they are the most beautiful people in the room no matter what happens, but I will say that it feels good to see the look on other peoples faces when they realize it too.
My kids were WAY cuter than there kids! To be fair, the birthday girl was pretty cute. Thank God she looks like her dad. (The dad may be my friend, but trust me when I say that I am not biased against the mother, but with those eyebrows- despite plucking-, the weird beady eyes and pointy face, she is just not the beauty pageant type.) Her cousins, however, were not so lucky. I expected one of them to be kind of hard up because her mother was never "a looker" if you know what I mean, but the rest of his siblings are pretty attractive. Which left me to question what happened and what am I supposed to say when they bring up cuteness?
The whole situation reminds me of back when I worked in retail this girl wanted to make a sale so badly that she just raved to the customer about how beautiful her baby was and called all the other associates to come over and rave about the baby. So much so, that she called me from the back room to chime in. I come out and look under the stroller hood to see what was to this very day the UGLIEST scrunch face hairy baby I have ever seen in my life. All I could do was something like, "Wow, that is a baby," and retreat back to the back. What she did was not fair to that woman. She made her and her baby into a spectacle and I would never want to do something like that to someone. A mother knows what her baby looks like. They know if they meet cultural standards of beauty or have "a face only a mother could love".
Let me be clear about one thing. I have friends with really cute kids. Jigga and Chyna have really cute girls. JJ Santana and Q-Diva have the most adorable nephews and my sisters kids were some of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. Seattle's kids look like they could have been ordered from a catalog. (I would buy one) While I have definite Mommy bias, I am also pretty realistic about what my kids look like. I notice every little flaw because I am always watching them. I know every mark scar, mannerism, and weird feature. I love all their quirks, but I know that they are not little perfect Ken and Barbie people. I know my LoLo has one eye that squints when he smiles and that Suga has thumb toe. Hey, I need to be able to take it as good as I give it and my kids are no exception.
In situations like the one at the mall and at the party that I was at this weekend, I see so many people lying to parents that I am also pretty skeptical of the compliments that I get from other people. I know some people subscribe to the "all babies are cute" school of thought. I am not one of those people.(Don't make that face. I need a realistic understanding of what I am working with. It in no way changes my love for them, but pretending like you are young Brad Pitt when you are more Seth Rogan is not my style. They are both cute and each has his place, but they are not the same.) With that said, I have come to the conclusion that LoLo and Suga are in fact very cute little people.
That brings me back to the party. I was at a loss for how to respond when conversations went like this:
Me: Hey, girl
Them: Hey, how are you? I can't believe how big he is now. He is so handsome.
Me: Oh, thank you.
Them: That is my baby over there.
Me: Yeah. I saw her. How old is she now?
Them: She is 4. Can you believe it?
Me: She is tall...What else have you been up to?
Them: Not much. Chasing behind them. I saw your little girl, too. She is adorable. That is my son over there.
Me: Oh. I see he likes basketball. How old is he?
Them: 3.
Me: Wow. They are close. I don't know how you do it. I will see you later. I think LoLo has to go potty.
He didn't. I just needed to get out of there. I know what she is thinking. She wants to know why I have not commented on her child's looks. The thing is, I don't think it is beneficial to lie and pretend the kid is cute, but I see no reason to be a jerk and insult someone else's child. I would be devastated if someone did that to me. Even I am not that bad and who knows, they could grow out of it and turn out to be BEAUTIFUL. In the meantime the question is what do you do when you see an ugly baby? I choose the duck and cover. I think it may have worked.
Like that momm my love for my kids is unconditional and I will think they are the most beautiful people in the room no matter what happens, but I will say that it feels good to see the look on other peoples faces when they realize it too.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wish I Knew Then
You know the saying, "If only I knew then what I know now"? I totally get that saying today. If only I had realized how good I once had it, I could taken the time to enjoy it so much more. I never thought it at the time, but when I look back now it is clear to me that I gave myself a hard time about silly things all because I did not realize that I was HOT!
I know it sounds silly, self-indulgent, or conceited, but it is true. I had it all going on and in the right places. Why didn't I notice this before? Now I am working my butt off trying to look like what I never appreciated before.
I am going to the gym 3 times a week in the hope that I might one day see a glimmer of the flat abs that once existed naturally. Seriously, I used to be able to walk by a gym and develop a six-pack. Now it just looks like I chugged a six pack. I got so used to fast results that I find myself looking at myself for signs of improvement even when all I have done is walk a flight of stairs or gone a couple blocks. My most recent accomplishment is that it now looks good when I am sucking my stomach in. I could not even say that a couple weeks ago. I am not saying that I did not have some challenges, (2 kids and 6 rounds of steroids for starters) but those don't make me feel better when I am trying wiggle into what used to be my "fat day" jeans. I never had to count calories or question portion sizes. It didn't matter because it never stuck. I now go on every food website to calculate the calories in my meal and thanks to mycaloriecounter.com I can masochistically track everything that crosses my lips. I don't know why I bother to chew it anyway when at this point I should just start stapling it to my lower abdomen since that is where it all seems to wind up.
Then there is the little issue of my skin. It has always been an interesting medium brown shade reminiscent of the "Burnt Sienna" Crayola crayon from the ORIGINAL 64 color box. Everyone my age knows what color I am talking about. You never forgot that or Periwinkle. Weird, but true. The thing about my skin is that I have never really had any pimples and other than a few psoriasis breakouts my senior year of HS I have great skin, but it was never dark enough for me. I always wanted the ebony brown complexion of my mother and sister and my medium brown was for me the equivalent of being a medium toned brunette when you really feel like you should have been born a redhead. Now my skin had committed what for me is the ultimate betrayal. It appears to be getting lighter. WHAT!?! It is bad enough I have freckles. If I get lighter, I can only anticipate more conversations about "what are you" and that is not going to be good for my get into heaven/stay out of jail plan. So here I am, calling for a dermatologist to help me get back to the smooth medium brown that I once took for granted. I mean, everyone loves Burnt Sienna, right? It was a really cool color.
I realize that I may seem like I am just be having one of those days where I wanted to rant and rag on myself, but really I am doing the opposite. I am acknowledging that what I had, my original packaging, was good enough- in fact it was pretty awesome- all along. I was HOT! It is true what they say about hindsight.
I wish I had known then what I see so clearly now.
I know it sounds silly, self-indulgent, or conceited, but it is true. I had it all going on and in the right places. Why didn't I notice this before? Now I am working my butt off trying to look like what I never appreciated before.
I am going to the gym 3 times a week in the hope that I might one day see a glimmer of the flat abs that once existed naturally. Seriously, I used to be able to walk by a gym and develop a six-pack. Now it just looks like I chugged a six pack. I got so used to fast results that I find myself looking at myself for signs of improvement even when all I have done is walk a flight of stairs or gone a couple blocks. My most recent accomplishment is that it now looks good when I am sucking my stomach in. I could not even say that a couple weeks ago. I am not saying that I did not have some challenges, (2 kids and 6 rounds of steroids for starters) but those don't make me feel better when I am trying wiggle into what used to be my "fat day" jeans. I never had to count calories or question portion sizes. It didn't matter because it never stuck. I now go on every food website to calculate the calories in my meal and thanks to mycaloriecounter.com I can masochistically track everything that crosses my lips. I don't know why I bother to chew it anyway when at this point I should just start stapling it to my lower abdomen since that is where it all seems to wind up.
Then there is the little issue of my skin. It has always been an interesting medium brown shade reminiscent of the "Burnt Sienna" Crayola crayon from the ORIGINAL 64 color box. Everyone my age knows what color I am talking about. You never forgot that or Periwinkle. Weird, but true. The thing about my skin is that I have never really had any pimples and other than a few psoriasis breakouts my senior year of HS I have great skin, but it was never dark enough for me. I always wanted the ebony brown complexion of my mother and sister and my medium brown was for me the equivalent of being a medium toned brunette when you really feel like you should have been born a redhead. Now my skin had committed what for me is the ultimate betrayal. It appears to be getting lighter. WHAT!?! It is bad enough I have freckles. If I get lighter, I can only anticipate more conversations about "what are you" and that is not going to be good for my get into heaven/stay out of jail plan. So here I am, calling for a dermatologist to help me get back to the smooth medium brown that I once took for granted. I mean, everyone loves Burnt Sienna, right? It was a really cool color.
I realize that I may seem like I am just be having one of those days where I wanted to rant and rag on myself, but really I am doing the opposite. I am acknowledging that what I had, my original packaging, was good enough- in fact it was pretty awesome- all along. I was HOT! It is true what they say about hindsight.
I wish I had known then what I see so clearly now.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Lists
I love lists. I love Top 10 lists, Worst Dressed lists, Bad Trend lists, Best Places to Retire lists, Best Excuses for Missing Work/ Calling Out Sick, etc. I love that they are concise and often bullet pointed. I don't have to search for the facts. It is just short, sweet and to the point. However, I read two today that made me think, "Who are they writing these for?" and "Are they being serious?"
The first was entitled Things To Rent Instead of Buy. I was intrigued as usual and found the following list:
Designer Dresses
Tools
Handbags
Caskets
Textbooks
Camping Gear
Trucks
Parking Spots
Bikes
Furniture
I can't speak for anyone else, but it is hard enough for me not to be creeped out a funerals. I don't need the added ick of knowing that Mom-Mom is laying in a box that has been used before by some other dead person. I know that she doesn't care, but I do. I thought the purse thing was odd not because I don't understand the designer handbag lust, but because nobody I know would want to give it back once we got our hot little hands on it. Besides, I can't be sure that other things aren't going on in the rental dress that the dry cleaner could not take care of if you know what I mean. I mean I freak out when I see the open underwear drawer at Target and Victoria Secret (There are other peoples hands all over what will be my underwear...EWW!). I can only imagine the idea of someone else's sweaty drunk off an open bar reception body would do to me.
The second was 10 Interview Fashion Blunders and it goes a little something like this:
Wild Nail Polish
Jangly Jewelry
Open-Toed or Backless Shoes
Bare Legs
Out-of-Date Suits
Short Skirts
Leather Jackets for Men or Women
Turtlenecks for Men
Printed or Trendy Handbags
Red Briefcases
This list and the corresponding explanations made me think that the author must be talking to a specific group of people. "People who can do better and should know better, but don't" I know that seems like a long and ridiculous title, but it makes sense until you realize that the people who should know better, but don't are probably too delusional to be reading this article because they never think that their skirt is too short or that their nails are out of the norm. The other people of the world would not wear an out of date suit if they had other options and what is the big deal about a red briefcase. I know I don't work in HR, but I am sure there are way worse things than carrying a colored attaché.
I mean have you really looked around your office on Casual Friday...things can get WAAAAYY worse!
The first was entitled Things To Rent Instead of Buy. I was intrigued as usual and found the following list:
Designer Dresses
Tools
Handbags
Caskets
Textbooks
Camping Gear
Trucks
Parking Spots
Bikes
Furniture
I can't speak for anyone else, but it is hard enough for me not to be creeped out a funerals. I don't need the added ick of knowing that Mom-Mom is laying in a box that has been used before by some other dead person. I know that she doesn't care, but I do. I thought the purse thing was odd not because I don't understand the designer handbag lust, but because nobody I know would want to give it back once we got our hot little hands on it. Besides, I can't be sure that other things aren't going on in the rental dress that the dry cleaner could not take care of if you know what I mean. I mean I freak out when I see the open underwear drawer at Target and Victoria Secret (There are other peoples hands all over what will be my underwear...EWW!). I can only imagine the idea of someone else's sweaty drunk off an open bar reception body would do to me.
The second was 10 Interview Fashion Blunders and it goes a little something like this:
Wild Nail Polish
Jangly Jewelry
Open-Toed or Backless Shoes
Bare Legs
Out-of-Date Suits
Short Skirts
Leather Jackets for Men or Women
Turtlenecks for Men
Printed or Trendy Handbags
Red Briefcases
This list and the corresponding explanations made me think that the author must be talking to a specific group of people. "People who can do better and should know better, but don't" I know that seems like a long and ridiculous title, but it makes sense until you realize that the people who should know better, but don't are probably too delusional to be reading this article because they never think that their skirt is too short or that their nails are out of the norm. The other people of the world would not wear an out of date suit if they had other options and what is the big deal about a red briefcase. I know I don't work in HR, but I am sure there are way worse things than carrying a colored attaché.
I mean have you really looked around your office on Casual Friday...things can get WAAAAYY worse!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Luxury Cars
So, the LoLo Monster goes to a private school and while I was dropping him off the other day I looked around the parking lot and noticed that a few of the cars were what would qualify as luxury vehicles. I am not really a car person, but even I know that a Mercedes is fancier than a Honda. I do not drive either brand. As I walked to my car, I tried to discreetly check out which parents belonged to which car. (I say discreetly, but since I did not have my glasses on, I can only imagine how subtle I could have really been.)
The mom that I normally see in the scrubs drives the black BMW. The woman I keep hoping is that child's grandmother (and not some 40 something who just looks 60) drives what looks like a white Mercedes. Then saw one of the dads get into an mid-90's Lexus. I remember that car because there was a time when every guy on the Ave either had one or rode in is friend's. It was the dark green with the gold line. Some of you know the car I am talking about. I hear Mary J. singing "I Just Want to Be Happy" playing in my head as I type this because that car is so tied to my high school memories.
Seeing that car made me realize something about myself. I never want to own a luxury car. Considering the "Courtesy Balance Notification" I just got from BancoDeMi this is not a near future problem, but still worth discussing. I don't want a luxury car for a few reasons.
1. While it may seem strange that I can justify a $300 pair of shoes by saying that wearing them 3 times means they only cost $100, I cannot for the life of me understand why a car would cost more than $60,000. That is house money and I don't care how roomy it is I don't plan to live in it.
2. Maintenance. This is not true for all brands because from what I hear BMW is pretty good about covering their cars, but Mother drives a Jaguar and they told her at the dealership that her brakes were not covered under warranty. She took it better than I would have because if I pay that much money for a car and extend the warranty then you better fix my breaks, clean my seats, shine my shoes and kiss my butt while doing it.
3. Old models. Most of the people I remember with that Lexus bought it to show off to others as a way of saying, "I'm BALLIN'", but what do you do when that model gets old and you either haven't paid it off or can't afford a new one. Now you no longer look like a baller. Sure you could lease and pay for a "new every 2" like a cell phone, but who in there right mind wants to go to the grave with a car payment if they don't have to? I'll tell you who- ME! Old luxury cars are for the teenagers of actual rich people to practice on before they get their real car before college. Those are the only people who look cool in them.
I drive a Jetta. The older my car gets the more responsible I look. It is kind of like an investment piece that way. Like a black pencil skirt. It may not be flashy, but it wears well with time. Remember harem pants, crocs, platforms flip-flops, and hobo-chic? Yeah. So does everyone else and they remember when that style was no longer cool. That is what you are driving in until it becomes some type of vintage classic. You are basically driving an Ed Hardy t-shirt waiting for it to become ironically cool again.
I think I'll stick with the Jetta.
The mom that I normally see in the scrubs drives the black BMW. The woman I keep hoping is that child's grandmother (and not some 40 something who just looks 60) drives what looks like a white Mercedes. Then saw one of the dads get into an mid-90's Lexus. I remember that car because there was a time when every guy on the Ave either had one or rode in is friend's. It was the dark green with the gold line. Some of you know the car I am talking about. I hear Mary J. singing "I Just Want to Be Happy" playing in my head as I type this because that car is so tied to my high school memories.
Seeing that car made me realize something about myself. I never want to own a luxury car. Considering the "Courtesy Balance Notification" I just got from BancoDeMi this is not a near future problem, but still worth discussing. I don't want a luxury car for a few reasons.
1. While it may seem strange that I can justify a $300 pair of shoes by saying that wearing them 3 times means they only cost $100, I cannot for the life of me understand why a car would cost more than $60,000. That is house money and I don't care how roomy it is I don't plan to live in it.
2. Maintenance. This is not true for all brands because from what I hear BMW is pretty good about covering their cars, but Mother drives a Jaguar and they told her at the dealership that her brakes were not covered under warranty. She took it better than I would have because if I pay that much money for a car and extend the warranty then you better fix my breaks, clean my seats, shine my shoes and kiss my butt while doing it.
3. Old models. Most of the people I remember with that Lexus bought it to show off to others as a way of saying, "I'm BALLIN'", but what do you do when that model gets old and you either haven't paid it off or can't afford a new one. Now you no longer look like a baller. Sure you could lease and pay for a "new every 2" like a cell phone, but who in there right mind wants to go to the grave with a car payment if they don't have to? I'll tell you who- ME! Old luxury cars are for the teenagers of actual rich people to practice on before they get their real car before college. Those are the only people who look cool in them.
I drive a Jetta. The older my car gets the more responsible I look. It is kind of like an investment piece that way. Like a black pencil skirt. It may not be flashy, but it wears well with time. Remember harem pants, crocs, platforms flip-flops, and hobo-chic? Yeah. So does everyone else and they remember when that style was no longer cool. That is what you are driving in until it becomes some type of vintage classic. You are basically driving an Ed Hardy t-shirt waiting for it to become ironically cool again.
I think I'll stick with the Jetta.
Friday, January 20, 2012
No Time
This was going to be my second day without a post, but I figured I would write something. So here it is:
I have officially run out of time to write a post for today. I would like to tell myself that I will do it when I get home, but with 2 kids and a husband working the weekend I think it is better to just chalk this one up to the game.
I'll be back on Monday. Have a good weekend!
I have officially run out of time to write a post for today. I would like to tell myself that I will do it when I get home, but with 2 kids and a husband working the weekend I think it is better to just chalk this one up to the game.
I'll be back on Monday. Have a good weekend!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
I Don't Understand
I am still working on being a better person and I am finding today to be an even bigger challenge than yesterday. It is like the word is out and the people around me are working overtime to push me over the edge. It is like when you make up your mind to fast or go on a diet and all of a sudden everyone wants to take you out to lunch. I mean, really, I feel like I am witnessing an epidemic of stupid behavior and all I can do is smile through as I stare in horror.
You may think that I am exaggerating, so I have decided to make a note of some of the things that happened today that really just don't make any sense.
1. Matlock comes out of his office to my area and asked me to come back to his office with him. Because I am both curious and a glutton for punishment, I picked up my assistant utensils and followed him. I did not ask questions because normally he wants to ask me some embarrassingly simple question about "cut and paste" or Outlook, but not this time. I walk into his office and he says, "I need you to distribute these and you will need to put a return address on these two." He walked out to my desk and had me follow him just to give me envelopes to take back to my desk. Is he serious? Dude, you were just by my desk. You were not coming back from somewhere else, you just left your office where the envelope was on your desk. Why would you not bring it out when you came the first time and just tell me to mail it? I know I have put on weight, but if you want me to get a little more exercise in, you should let me off early enough to go to the gym because that little walk back and forth was ridiculous.
2. Young Boss has made a big deal about how he wants to go paperless and can't understand why we waste so much paper making copies that clutter up offices never to be needed again. It is my job to scan his invoices, so I did just that. He calls me into his office and asks why there was no copy of the checks attached. I told him they were scanned to the database. His reply, "It is a lot of work for me to look these up individually. Can we just copy them and then shred them after I put them in quick books. That will save me a lot of steps." My reply, "I thought you wanted to go paperless.?,". To which he basically responded with a "yes, but..." lets just make the copy anyway.
3. I received a call for the boss I will call Sergeant (If you met him you would know why. He, much like the drill sergeants in movies, has been known to reduce a grown man to tears.) The person asked if Sergeant was in to which I replied, "Yes. He is on the other line. Would you like to leave him a voicemail?" The caller says, "Well, I want to make sure that he knows I returned his call. What is the best way I can do that?". I restrained myself and answered as calmly as possible, "A voicemail would probably be best." Is that not the point of voicemail? Did I not just suggest you leave a voicemail message? What better proof of you calling than your voice on the phone stating that you called?
4. The last one is not from today, but is something that continues to bother me. Why do magazine article headlines say things like "Get this look for UNDER $50" or something similar only to offer me items that cost about $46 a piece. That is not a "look" for less. That is a skirt for less. The "look" costs about $270 dollars. That is right. I wrote dollars twice. I did it to prove a point because when you are broke enough to want a look for less $300 is a big deal. I don't know what annoys me more - that they keep doing it or that I keep falling for it.
5. Outlook is out to make me look incompetent. I know that I clicked the right day and filled out the meeting request properly, but somehow it changed when I was looking up something that is supposed to be totally different and because I did not notice the change I sent out the request and Matlock had to come and use his famously condescending tone to tell me, "I thought we decided on having the meeting next Tuesday." WWWHHHYYY!
6. We have a mailbox. It is my job to check it. I check it every Wednesday. Young boss asked me at least 10 times before 2 PM (keep in mind I took an hour lunch) if I was planning to check the box today. Is today not Wednesday? Is that not why I write a schedule?
I know that I really want to be a good person, but they are pushing it. I knew things were getting bad when after someone used their "servant" voice on me for like the 3rd time I had to stop myself from quoting Coming To America and saying, "The royal penis is clean your highness." There are very few lines from that movie that are work appropriate- even if you watch it on WGN. I was just tired of people talking crazy to me, but I am serious about working on my attitude, as well as my fitness (you know you want to sing it) and I am going chalk this day up to the game and get ready to start over tomorrow. I still don't understand, but to be honest I hope I am never crazy enough for it to start making sense.
You may think that I am exaggerating, so I have decided to make a note of some of the things that happened today that really just don't make any sense.
1. Matlock comes out of his office to my area and asked me to come back to his office with him. Because I am both curious and a glutton for punishment, I picked up my assistant utensils and followed him. I did not ask questions because normally he wants to ask me some embarrassingly simple question about "cut and paste" or Outlook, but not this time. I walk into his office and he says, "I need you to distribute these and you will need to put a return address on these two." He walked out to my desk and had me follow him just to give me envelopes to take back to my desk. Is he serious? Dude, you were just by my desk. You were not coming back from somewhere else, you just left your office where the envelope was on your desk. Why would you not bring it out when you came the first time and just tell me to mail it? I know I have put on weight, but if you want me to get a little more exercise in, you should let me off early enough to go to the gym because that little walk back and forth was ridiculous.
2. Young Boss has made a big deal about how he wants to go paperless and can't understand why we waste so much paper making copies that clutter up offices never to be needed again. It is my job to scan his invoices, so I did just that. He calls me into his office and asks why there was no copy of the checks attached. I told him they were scanned to the database. His reply, "It is a lot of work for me to look these up individually. Can we just copy them and then shred them after I put them in quick books. That will save me a lot of steps." My reply, "I thought you wanted to go paperless.?,". To which he basically responded with a "yes, but..." lets just make the copy anyway.
3. I received a call for the boss I will call Sergeant (If you met him you would know why. He, much like the drill sergeants in movies, has been known to reduce a grown man to tears.) The person asked if Sergeant was in to which I replied, "Yes. He is on the other line. Would you like to leave him a voicemail?" The caller says, "Well, I want to make sure that he knows I returned his call. What is the best way I can do that?". I restrained myself and answered as calmly as possible, "A voicemail would probably be best." Is that not the point of voicemail? Did I not just suggest you leave a voicemail message? What better proof of you calling than your voice on the phone stating that you called?
4. The last one is not from today, but is something that continues to bother me. Why do magazine article headlines say things like "Get this look for UNDER $50" or something similar only to offer me items that cost about $46 a piece. That is not a "look" for less. That is a skirt for less. The "look" costs about $270 dollars. That is right. I wrote dollars twice. I did it to prove a point because when you are broke enough to want a look for less $300 is a big deal. I don't know what annoys me more - that they keep doing it or that I keep falling for it.
5. Outlook is out to make me look incompetent. I know that I clicked the right day and filled out the meeting request properly, but somehow it changed when I was looking up something that is supposed to be totally different and because I did not notice the change I sent out the request and Matlock had to come and use his famously condescending tone to tell me, "I thought we decided on having the meeting next Tuesday." WWWHHHYYY!
6. We have a mailbox. It is my job to check it. I check it every Wednesday. Young boss asked me at least 10 times before 2 PM (keep in mind I took an hour lunch) if I was planning to check the box today. Is today not Wednesday? Is that not why I write a schedule?
I know that I really want to be a good person, but they are pushing it. I knew things were getting bad when after someone used their "servant" voice on me for like the 3rd time I had to stop myself from quoting Coming To America and saying, "The royal penis is clean your highness." There are very few lines from that movie that are work appropriate- even if you watch it on WGN. I was just tired of people talking crazy to me, but I am serious about working on my attitude, as well as my fitness (you know you want to sing it) and I am going chalk this day up to the game and get ready to start over tomorrow. I still don't understand, but to be honest I hope I am never crazy enough for it to start making sense.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Okay...I got it
I know that some people are skeptical about the existence of God and some people just don't/won't believe. I try not to argue with people anymore, but I totally believe and because of this belief I have no problem saying that I desperately want to go to Heaven. For a believer, heaven is leaps and bounds above the alternative. While clearly described as hot all year around, it is not what one would call a must see vacation locale.
Growing up the message was simple. Saved people go to heaven and if you want to go to heaven you need to be saved. Short, simple and too the point. As I got older, people started to tweak the story. I would hear things about people who are more faithful getting bigger blessings when they get to Heaven. (I am still not sure what that means because to be perfectly honest if the "end times" happen the way they read in Revelation, I won't care if I get a shack. It will still be better than eternal flames and damnation. I can't imagine there being a bad spot in a place called Heaven. That is why it is called HEAVEN!) I went to Catholic college and learned about Purgatory. I have heard about Mormons praying for the souls of those who have already died (for them to go to heaven). I have been told that even "saved" people aren't necessarily going to make it. All this just becomes confusing after a while.
So, I have taken what I call the "Faith Like a Child" approach. The idea is that the Bible is right and "if I believe in my heart and confess with my mouth" then I shall be saved. The only other thing I have to do is live like I believe. That is where most people, including myself, mess up. I also don't believe in big and little sins. So I don't care if you are a drug-dealing baby killer with porn playing on the new IPhone that you worship, I am no better than you when I cursed last night or when I seriously considered an acquaintance's suggestion that I use tricky business to get out of paying some of my bills. Lately, I have been entertaining more ungodly thoughts than normal and acting out a little.
So it should have come as no surprise to me when God clearly spoke the following message to me. "Get your attitude in check if you still want to go to Heaven." I went to church and the message was literally titled, "Why are you tripping?". Then, yesterday, I was flipping the channels and landed on Joyce Meyers, who I never watch because I spend all my time analyzing foolish things like the way the lines of her mouth keep going like Heath Ledger in the Batman movie or how ornate her inevitably bedazzled collar is, but I watch and actually listened this time. For what felt like hours, but was more like 10 minutes, she told me to get my attitude together and stop complaining, worrying, and setting myself up to have a bad day by anticipating the worse. Then I got to work today and Bible Gateway verse was, "Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Philippians 2:14.
All I could say was, "OK, God, I got it. You can stop yelling at me know." So, I have spent the entire day working on my attitude. When Boss Lady walked by and made comment about where I had placed my trashcan. I worked on my attitude. When Young Boss repeated the same instructions to me for the 5th time. I worked on my attitude. When Matlock came to my desk and talked to me in his patented condescending tone, I worked on my attitude. When Mother gave me more of her unsolicited advise/wisdom, I worked on my attitude and I have to be honest and say that I have actually had a better day. I have been more productive and more excited about things than I have been in months. I must also mention that I have had no desire to just "go off" on anyone all day despite their best efforts.
It is like I always say, "People may not believe, but they should thank God that I do!"
Growing up the message was simple. Saved people go to heaven and if you want to go to heaven you need to be saved. Short, simple and too the point. As I got older, people started to tweak the story. I would hear things about people who are more faithful getting bigger blessings when they get to Heaven. (I am still not sure what that means because to be perfectly honest if the "end times" happen the way they read in Revelation, I won't care if I get a shack. It will still be better than eternal flames and damnation. I can't imagine there being a bad spot in a place called Heaven. That is why it is called HEAVEN!) I went to Catholic college and learned about Purgatory. I have heard about Mormons praying for the souls of those who have already died (for them to go to heaven). I have been told that even "saved" people aren't necessarily going to make it. All this just becomes confusing after a while.
So, I have taken what I call the "Faith Like a Child" approach. The idea is that the Bible is right and "if I believe in my heart and confess with my mouth" then I shall be saved. The only other thing I have to do is live like I believe. That is where most people, including myself, mess up. I also don't believe in big and little sins. So I don't care if you are a drug-dealing baby killer with porn playing on the new IPhone that you worship, I am no better than you when I cursed last night or when I seriously considered an acquaintance's suggestion that I use tricky business to get out of paying some of my bills. Lately, I have been entertaining more ungodly thoughts than normal and acting out a little.
So it should have come as no surprise to me when God clearly spoke the following message to me. "Get your attitude in check if you still want to go to Heaven." I went to church and the message was literally titled, "Why are you tripping?". Then, yesterday, I was flipping the channels and landed on Joyce Meyers, who I never watch because I spend all my time analyzing foolish things like the way the lines of her mouth keep going like Heath Ledger in the Batman movie or how ornate her inevitably bedazzled collar is, but I watch and actually listened this time. For what felt like hours, but was more like 10 minutes, she told me to get my attitude together and stop complaining, worrying, and setting myself up to have a bad day by anticipating the worse. Then I got to work today and Bible Gateway verse was, "Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Philippians 2:14.
All I could say was, "OK, God, I got it. You can stop yelling at me know." So, I have spent the entire day working on my attitude. When Boss Lady walked by and made comment about where I had placed my trashcan. I worked on my attitude. When Young Boss repeated the same instructions to me for the 5th time. I worked on my attitude. When Matlock came to my desk and talked to me in his patented condescending tone, I worked on my attitude. When Mother gave me more of her unsolicited advise/wisdom, I worked on my attitude and I have to be honest and say that I have actually had a better day. I have been more productive and more excited about things than I have been in months. I must also mention that I have had no desire to just "go off" on anyone all day despite their best efforts.
It is like I always say, "People may not believe, but they should thank God that I do!"
Friday, January 13, 2012
Color Blind
Girl: What are you?
Me: I'm sorry, what.
Girl: What are you?
Me: A girl.
Girl: No, what are you? I mean, you're not black.
Me: Of course, I'm black! What else would I be?
Girl: (I have to paraphrase because my rising anger and the immense concentration needed not to smack her made it hard to listen.) No, but your hair is so straight.
Me: Are you serious? It's called a perm...
And with that I excused myself and walked away. This is an actual experience of mine and simultaneously fills me with a 90/10 ratio of both disgust and anger. I am truly disturbed that someone would attempt to judge my blackness by the texture of my processed hair. I guess I should have been pleased to know that my bi-weekly trips to the hairdresser to stamp out any notion of curl was working. I guess I could have laughed it off, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that I had somehow been insulted. I may not be the darkest sista and I'm rocking freckles instead of an Afro, but I know who I am and what I look like. Trust me when I say that I look like your average, brown-skinned, black girl.
I do, however, think that many people would be surprised to know how many people of color in post-Civil Rights America are still hung up on the color issue. I was reminded of this by CoCo, who was having a typical work chat with Shiva only to find out that she, Shiva, is unaware that she does in fact look Indian. (No, I do not mean Native American. I mean Indian from India.) She seems to think that she looks Italian, Mediterranean, maybe even Brazilian. I paused and thought to myself, "Self, she cannot be serious." I have seen Sophia Loren, Maria Menounos, and many Victoria Secret modeling Brazilians and she could not blend into a group of them. Selita Ebanks, Aishwarya Rai, and one of those ambiguous United Colors of Benetton models is more like it.
I know what you are thinking. There are people of different races all over the world. Yes, I know that people of every color can be born in any country, but stereotypes exist for a reason. That is why we are always surprised to hear actors like Idris Elba and Thandie Newton talk in their real voices. It is also why no one assumes Samarie Armstrong was born in Japan or guesses that Joaquin Phoenix entered into the world in Puerto Rico. In order for the casual observer to come up and say you "look like you are from" somewhere you have to look like the majority of the people from that area.
The thing that fascinates me about skin color is how color blind we are about ourselves and how entrenched some of societies issues really are. I know I said I would keep things light, so I am going to stay off my soap box. I just think it is funny that here is a grown woman with no concept of what she actually looks like. As she was saying this comment about how "fair-skinned" she was compared to CoCo and her constantly being mistaken for some kind of European another person who born with naturally blond hair (if you know what I mean) was in the conversation and said, "Well, you both look dark to me."
That to me was the best part of the story. No matter how different you think you are within your little group people on the outside can't tell. I know the feeling because most "natural" blonds (wink, wink) look the same to me!
It feels good to be a part of color blind society, doesn't it?
Me: I'm sorry, what.
Girl: What are you?
Me: A girl.
Girl: No, what are you? I mean, you're not black.
Me: Of course, I'm black! What else would I be?
Girl: (I have to paraphrase because my rising anger and the immense concentration needed not to smack her made it hard to listen.) No, but your hair is so straight.
Me: Are you serious? It's called a perm...
And with that I excused myself and walked away. This is an actual experience of mine and simultaneously fills me with a 90/10 ratio of both disgust and anger. I am truly disturbed that someone would attempt to judge my blackness by the texture of my processed hair. I guess I should have been pleased to know that my bi-weekly trips to the hairdresser to stamp out any notion of curl was working. I guess I could have laughed it off, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that I had somehow been insulted. I may not be the darkest sista and I'm rocking freckles instead of an Afro, but I know who I am and what I look like. Trust me when I say that I look like your average, brown-skinned, black girl.
I do, however, think that many people would be surprised to know how many people of color in post-Civil Rights America are still hung up on the color issue. I was reminded of this by CoCo, who was having a typical work chat with Shiva only to find out that she, Shiva, is unaware that she does in fact look Indian. (No, I do not mean Native American. I mean Indian from India.) She seems to think that she looks Italian, Mediterranean, maybe even Brazilian. I paused and thought to myself, "Self, she cannot be serious." I have seen Sophia Loren, Maria Menounos, and many Victoria Secret modeling Brazilians and she could not blend into a group of them. Selita Ebanks, Aishwarya Rai, and one of those ambiguous United Colors of Benetton models is more like it.
I know what you are thinking. There are people of different races all over the world. Yes, I know that people of every color can be born in any country, but stereotypes exist for a reason. That is why we are always surprised to hear actors like Idris Elba and Thandie Newton talk in their real voices. It is also why no one assumes Samarie Armstrong was born in Japan or guesses that Joaquin Phoenix entered into the world in Puerto Rico. In order for the casual observer to come up and say you "look like you are from" somewhere you have to look like the majority of the people from that area.
The thing that fascinates me about skin color is how color blind we are about ourselves and how entrenched some of societies issues really are. I know I said I would keep things light, so I am going to stay off my soap box. I just think it is funny that here is a grown woman with no concept of what she actually looks like. As she was saying this comment about how "fair-skinned" she was compared to CoCo and her constantly being mistaken for some kind of European another person who born with naturally blond hair (if you know what I mean) was in the conversation and said, "Well, you both look dark to me."
That to me was the best part of the story. No matter how different you think you are within your little group people on the outside can't tell. I know the feeling because most "natural" blonds (wink, wink) look the same to me!
It feels good to be a part of color blind society, doesn't it?
Thursday, January 12, 2012
The Best Laid Plans
There is a saying that goes, "If you want to hear God laugh, then tell him your plans." Well, He got a good chuckle at my expense today. This includes my plans for this post today. I originally hoped to continue a conversation CoCo ( I call her that because of her complexion, her love of finer things a la CoCo Chanel and because she is aging in way that proves "good black don't crack" - despite not actually being "black") and I had about people, like our coworker Shiva, who can't accept their skin color. (You know the ones I'm talking about. They are the ones who swear they have "Indian in my family" and can pass for someone lighter.) But time has run out for all that and I thought I would explain what happened.
Today has been one of those days where you just never quite find your groove. I woke up this morning determined to finally start working on my major scanning project that I have been putting off for at least a week now. I thought today was going to be the day because despite some minor setbacks I managed to get my daughter to Grandparent Daycare and my son to school on time and with neither of them in tears. That, my friends, is a MAJOR accomplishment for us. I only had to give one small lecture on how is not nice to say, “I don’t love you”- especially when all Mommy asked you to say was “I’ll see you later.”
I arrived at work on time, which is another MAJOR accomplishment for me, and actually started right in my “To Do” list. I stopped to go get breakfast after receiving an error message from my scanner. The scanner, as you can imagine, is a major player in my scanning project. I figured breakfast would be a good way to pass the time while waiting for the system reboot and anticipated that I was still going to be able to get some things off my desk. That was quickly derailed by Boss Lady.
I am currently surrounded by a mounds and mounds of paper and binders that she “cleaned” out of her office by moving them into my area for me to dispose of accordingly. This means that not only did I not get my work done, but I have gained another project that takes up even more space in my area. How is that possible? It is like if they see me moving they just start thinking of more things that I could be doing. That thought just makes me want to continue to sit very still and hope I start to blend into the computer console.
Nothing that I do at work is particularly strenuous. It would best be described as tedious, but one the rare occasion that I come to work ready and trying to put forth my best efforts, I am amazed at how quickly I am derailed. Then I resort to childish passive aggressive behaviors. I could not do what I wanted so I made her wait until I had read the One Life to Live update before I printed her labels. You need a new binder, “Sure” right after this People magazine article and a quick Google search on Starbucks locations. Silly, yes, but also kind of gratifying.
I will try to do better tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
My Inside Voice
My inside voice is out to get me into trouble. It is at the root of all my bad behavior. It is currently giving me very good excuses for why I should not go to the gym after work. It has so far tried guilt: "You should go home and take care of your family because they need you." It has tried rationalizing - "You did eat a salad for lunch and you don't want to do to much too soon." The procrastination tactic - "We could always try starting tomorrow.
The most recent was the reward yourself tactic- "You have had a hard day at work and deserve to rest," but it is not going to work today. I am determined to do better. Besides my attempt to get back into my old clothes, I really feel better after I work out. I am a happier person when I am healthy.
So I am going to go to the gym for the greater good of society. That way the next time a Mary Kay lady tosses her full cup of sweet tea into the garbage as I walk by and it splashes everywhere including into my shoe I can keep walking without devolving into full blown meltdown and screaming fit. (I have a serious issue with things touching my feet and this really did happen this morning.)
I am going to remind myself that going to the gym will keep me employed because I will have lots of happy endorphins to keep me from screaming, "Hey there, NOSY," the next time Lady Boss listens to my phone conversation from her office or interjects when someone asks me a direct question. A good workout will keep me from screaming "I am a grown up person" or "Damn it, I can read" the next time my Hover Boss comes and explains that he has something he wants shredded and then proceeds to write a "SHRED" post it for it, only to come back and remind me that the papers he is about to give me are confidential.
I am going to go to the gym because I don't want to be one of those people who chases the person who cut them off down the highway making crazy hand gestures. God wants me to go to the gym because I sincerely believe that God wants me to be a good person.
It is like Elle Woods says, "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't [up and kill people], they just don't."
The most recent was the reward yourself tactic- "You have had a hard day at work and deserve to rest," but it is not going to work today. I am determined to do better. Besides my attempt to get back into my old clothes, I really feel better after I work out. I am a happier person when I am healthy.
So I am going to go to the gym for the greater good of society. That way the next time a Mary Kay lady tosses her full cup of sweet tea into the garbage as I walk by and it splashes everywhere including into my shoe I can keep walking without devolving into full blown meltdown and screaming fit. (I have a serious issue with things touching my feet and this really did happen this morning.)
I am going to remind myself that going to the gym will keep me employed because I will have lots of happy endorphins to keep me from screaming, "Hey there, NOSY," the next time Lady Boss listens to my phone conversation from her office or interjects when someone asks me a direct question. A good workout will keep me from screaming "I am a grown up person" or "Damn it, I can read" the next time my Hover Boss comes and explains that he has something he wants shredded and then proceeds to write a "SHRED" post it for it, only to come back and remind me that the papers he is about to give me are confidential.
I am going to go to the gym because I don't want to be one of those people who chases the person who cut them off down the highway making crazy hand gestures. God wants me to go to the gym because I sincerely believe that God wants me to be a good person.
It is like Elle Woods says, "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't [up and kill people], they just don't."
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
For Real This Time
I just made the reservations for our birthday weekend. Husband and I have birthdays that are exactly 7 days apart and have always chosen to set aside that weekend in between to celebrate. It is a very big deal for us-especially now that we are no longer alone at home. Making the reservation has brought up another very important issue. My get fit plan. I was supposed to be getting fit since August and while I have made some progress, I have mostly slacked off.
That is all over with now. For REAL this time. I have got to get cute for my birthday weekend. I ran in my 30's with a big fat pregnant belly and refuse to do it again this year. The only thing worse than being pregnant when you want to look hot is looking pregnant when you want to look hot and I want to be hot. Is that too much to ask?
With that said, I am going to need some group support. I am weak and easily persuaded when it comes to breaking my healthy eating strategy. This was proven this morning when I went to breakfast with a friend and inhaled 1 chicken sausage and 4 french toast slices with fruit, followed by sante fe ceasar salad with fish for lunch (oh...yes, with the creamy chipotle ranch dressing) only to cap it off with pretzels and Oreos. This is all before I have even made it home for dinner. The saddest part is that the only reason I did not eat more is because I knew all day that I was going to write this post and have to confess. That is why I did not write this yesterday.
Making the reservation has brought me back to reality and I know that I have got to get myself together. I want to be able to wear a bathing suit or something else cute and not be sucking it in the whole time. I don't want to wear a girdle anymore. I want regain some semblance of self-control.
It is going to be hard at first and so I am asking for your help. If you see me eating something that you know is not a good idea, you have my permission to calmly walk up and smack it out of my hand and onto the ground. I may be sad. I may even cry, but it is for my own good. Pull me by the hair and shove salad with balsamic down my throat. Swap my fries with carrot sticks. All is fair in love and war and I would love to lose this weight. So, give me the dirty looks and remind me of my 40 lb. promise to myself.
Just don't call me fat. That is still a NO NO!
That is all over with now. For REAL this time. I have got to get cute for my birthday weekend. I ran in my 30's with a big fat pregnant belly and refuse to do it again this year. The only thing worse than being pregnant when you want to look hot is looking pregnant when you want to look hot and I want to be hot. Is that too much to ask?
With that said, I am going to need some group support. I am weak and easily persuaded when it comes to breaking my healthy eating strategy. This was proven this morning when I went to breakfast with a friend and inhaled 1 chicken sausage and 4 french toast slices with fruit, followed by sante fe ceasar salad with fish for lunch (oh...yes, with the creamy chipotle ranch dressing) only to cap it off with pretzels and Oreos. This is all before I have even made it home for dinner. The saddest part is that the only reason I did not eat more is because I knew all day that I was going to write this post and have to confess. That is why I did not write this yesterday.
Making the reservation has brought me back to reality and I know that I have got to get myself together. I want to be able to wear a bathing suit or something else cute and not be sucking it in the whole time. I don't want to wear a girdle anymore. I want regain some semblance of self-control.
It is going to be hard at first and so I am asking for your help. If you see me eating something that you know is not a good idea, you have my permission to calmly walk up and smack it out of my hand and onto the ground. I may be sad. I may even cry, but it is for my own good. Pull me by the hair and shove salad with balsamic down my throat. Swap my fries with carrot sticks. All is fair in love and war and I would love to lose this weight. So, give me the dirty looks and remind me of my 40 lb. promise to myself.
Just don't call me fat. That is still a NO NO!
Monday, January 9, 2012
No Good Age
I have realized that there is no "good time" to have children. When you are at your healthiest and your body can handle it (teens/early 20's) your mind and wallet can't and when you finally reach a place mentally to handle kids they make you so tired that you will often find yourself thinking like Danny Glover, "I am too old for this ___."
You may notice that I left off the idea about being financially ready. That is because unless you are Oprah rich you will never feel like you make enough money to take care of a person who is totally dependent on you for the next 18 years.
Husband and I are not young adults, but we are not middle-aged adults yet, either. We are simply adults. We did not have kids until we were adults. We waited until we had stable jobs, (Ha, that is a joke these days.) a home, and enough sense to know that we would have to put in the work because our parents would never let us pawn our kids off on them. Mentally and emotionally, we are in the best shape of our lives.
The problem is that physically, we as adults, are not in the best shape ever. This is not because we are overweight or out of shape. Although, I will admit that I am still working on losing the rest of the baby weight. Overall, we are healthy and fit, but we are at the point now where when we fall IT HURTS! We don't bounce like we used to and staying up all night for fun is a thing of the past.
Last night we went out to see a friend and celebrate a birthday. There was no drinking involved- just sitting and eating and a little conversation. By 10 PM I was cracking. Shortly after, we paid, left, picked up the kids, put them to bed and must have blacked out because that is where my memory stops. When the alarm went off this morning it physically hurt to open my eyes. LoLo said, "I don't want to go to school, Mommy" and what do you think I said in reply. Instead of my usual pep talk about how fun the day would be, he got a simple, "Me neither."
What happened to the girl who stayed up for 3 straight days to party in Cancun? (Yes. I was sober!) What happened to the person who could hang at Applebee's 'til closing on a Friday night and then go do therapy at the methadone center at 6 AM Saturday morning? I'll tell you what happened. She grew up and became an adult and if you think you don't know what I mean, think about it.
What happened the last time you tried to "Wobble with it" or "Drop it Low"? Did it come right back up again? Last time you slipped, did you get right back up or did need some deep breaths? Do you know have to brace yourself to climb the ladder? Do you need a pep talk before what used to be an easy run? It is ok if you do. I know how you feel.
I used to be able to do all those things without even thinking about it. That would have been a great time physically to chase a 3 year old and carry a 8 month old around the house, but those poor kids would have been in big trouble. Those were not my best decision making years, hence, staying awake to party for 3 straight days.
Like I said, there is just no "good time" for kids.
You may notice that I left off the idea about being financially ready. That is because unless you are Oprah rich you will never feel like you make enough money to take care of a person who is totally dependent on you for the next 18 years.
Husband and I are not young adults, but we are not middle-aged adults yet, either. We are simply adults. We did not have kids until we were adults. We waited until we had stable jobs, (Ha, that is a joke these days.) a home, and enough sense to know that we would have to put in the work because our parents would never let us pawn our kids off on them. Mentally and emotionally, we are in the best shape of our lives.
The problem is that physically, we as adults, are not in the best shape ever. This is not because we are overweight or out of shape. Although, I will admit that I am still working on losing the rest of the baby weight. Overall, we are healthy and fit, but we are at the point now where when we fall IT HURTS! We don't bounce like we used to and staying up all night for fun is a thing of the past.
Last night we went out to see a friend and celebrate a birthday. There was no drinking involved- just sitting and eating and a little conversation. By 10 PM I was cracking. Shortly after, we paid, left, picked up the kids, put them to bed and must have blacked out because that is where my memory stops. When the alarm went off this morning it physically hurt to open my eyes. LoLo said, "I don't want to go to school, Mommy" and what do you think I said in reply. Instead of my usual pep talk about how fun the day would be, he got a simple, "Me neither."
What happened to the girl who stayed up for 3 straight days to party in Cancun? (Yes. I was sober!) What happened to the person who could hang at Applebee's 'til closing on a Friday night and then go do therapy at the methadone center at 6 AM Saturday morning? I'll tell you what happened. She grew up and became an adult and if you think you don't know what I mean, think about it.
What happened the last time you tried to "Wobble with it" or "Drop it Low"? Did it come right back up again? Last time you slipped, did you get right back up or did need some deep breaths? Do you know have to brace yourself to climb the ladder? Do you need a pep talk before what used to be an easy run? It is ok if you do. I know how you feel.
I used to be able to do all those things without even thinking about it. That would have been a great time physically to chase a 3 year old and carry a 8 month old around the house, but those poor kids would have been in big trouble. Those were not my best decision making years, hence, staying awake to party for 3 straight days.
Like I said, there is just no "good time" for kids.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Stay At Home
A coworker jokes that one her 1st day back from maternity leave I greeted her with, "Welcome to the 1st day of your vacation!" She jokes that I was the only one who seemed to understand the maternity leave is not the same thing as a vacation. Since when is taking care of another human being after just being released from the hospital started being considered a break from work. All a new mother does is work. You are simultaneously a dairy farm, a heating pad/ security blanket, a hostess/ maid (because there are always visitors), patient, and caregiver in addition to your usual wife, friend, daughter responsibilities that everyone wants to put in hyper-drive since you have so much perceived free time. Did I mention that you are trying to do all of this while under the influence of major hormone surges? Don't get me started on trying to get grip on yourself when you realize what you now look like after serving as a condo and life source, not to mention the fact that some people will treat you like a Victoria Secret model and wonder when you are going to loose the baby weight- as though your livelihood depends on it.
People tell you things like take a nap when the baby does, but during those times you are actually trying to do all the things that you couldn't otherwise get done and do you know where that gets you? You wind up in the shower eating a peanut butter sandwich having a conversation on speaker phone while you wait for the clothes to finish drying. (Don't judge me!)
There is a reason why I am not a stay-at-home mom. I am WAY to lazy for that kind of intense work. There are no lunch breaks and no PTO. The boss is totally demanding and dependant on your performance. It is just too high pressure. I come to the office because everyone here is potty trained and even if they aren't none of them have yet ask me to help them wipe. I don't have to be concerned about if anyone has eaten their vegetables or had nap. I don't care if the person I just saw has clean clothes and I am to far away to be bothered with washing dishes or laundry.
I read an article recently that said women working outside of the home part-time were happier than those that were full-time at home. I know why. Those women who are working at home are REALLY working. There is always something to do when I am at home. The only thing worse is that when you are at home full time people think that you have it easy and try to find other things for you to do or try to denigrate what you are doing. I have been on maternity leave twice and each time I welcomed my return to work because I needed the break. I can honestly say that I never want to be a stay-at-home mom because quite frankly, I don't want to work that hard. EVER! IN LIFE!
I got my current job when Seattle decided to be at home full-time. For the first few weeks when people called and asked me what happened to her I would just take a deep breath and tell them the truth, "She decided to get a real job." Sucker!
People tell you things like take a nap when the baby does, but during those times you are actually trying to do all the things that you couldn't otherwise get done and do you know where that gets you? You wind up in the shower eating a peanut butter sandwich having a conversation on speaker phone while you wait for the clothes to finish drying. (Don't judge me!)
There is a reason why I am not a stay-at-home mom. I am WAY to lazy for that kind of intense work. There are no lunch breaks and no PTO. The boss is totally demanding and dependant on your performance. It is just too high pressure. I come to the office because everyone here is potty trained and even if they aren't none of them have yet ask me to help them wipe. I don't have to be concerned about if anyone has eaten their vegetables or had nap. I don't care if the person I just saw has clean clothes and I am to far away to be bothered with washing dishes or laundry.
I read an article recently that said women working outside of the home part-time were happier than those that were full-time at home. I know why. Those women who are working at home are REALLY working. There is always something to do when I am at home. The only thing worse is that when you are at home full time people think that you have it easy and try to find other things for you to do or try to denigrate what you are doing. I have been on maternity leave twice and each time I welcomed my return to work because I needed the break. I can honestly say that I never want to be a stay-at-home mom because quite frankly, I don't want to work that hard. EVER! IN LIFE!
I got my current job when Seattle decided to be at home full-time. For the first few weeks when people called and asked me what happened to her I would just take a deep breath and tell them the truth, "She decided to get a real job." Sucker!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Keeping It Light
I have recently received some sad news about one friend's health and another friend's marriage. All this has made me realize how important a good laugh can be. So, I have decided to keep things on the blog light for a while. I mean who reads this for anything other than a laugh anyway, right?
It is with that in mind that I present you with some of the funniest things I have said so far this year:
1. Said while conducting a group therapy session on dealing with racing thoughts, "They don't make enough KY for sex to be your only coping skill."
2. To a friend who wants a divorce, but doesn't want to hurt his feelings, "I mean, it's not like you are being a good wife anyway."
3. To a friend, "So does he know your dating?"
4. "When have I ever said anything mean?" Anyone who knows me will understand why that is funny.
5. While working out, "I am totally in shape. It is just not one that I like."
6. "I was going to start a food diary, but I am too embarrassed to write what I just ate."
7. To LoLo, "Do not drink the water in the bathtub."
8. To Suga Buga, "You really are to pretty to smell like that."
9. To a friend that suggested I would not trade my children for anything, "You haven't made me an offer."
10. To Mother when I had to get off the phone to get my boss a coffee, "Aren't you glad you sent me to college?"
Hope you got a little giggle out of this. If you have a good one, please share!
It is with that in mind that I present you with some of the funniest things I have said so far this year:
1. Said while conducting a group therapy session on dealing with racing thoughts, "They don't make enough KY for sex to be your only coping skill."
2. To a friend who wants a divorce, but doesn't want to hurt his feelings, "I mean, it's not like you are being a good wife anyway."
3. To a friend, "So does he know your dating?"
4. "When have I ever said anything mean?" Anyone who knows me will understand why that is funny.
5. While working out, "I am totally in shape. It is just not one that I like."
6. "I was going to start a food diary, but I am too embarrassed to write what I just ate."
7. To LoLo, "Do not drink the water in the bathtub."
8. To Suga Buga, "You really are to pretty to smell like that."
9. To a friend that suggested I would not trade my children for anything, "You haven't made me an offer."
10. To Mother when I had to get off the phone to get my boss a coffee, "Aren't you glad you sent me to college?"
Hope you got a little giggle out of this. If you have a good one, please share!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Comparisons
So it has already started- the comparisons. LoLo is constantly making comparisons about who is bigger, smaller, taller, etc. For now it is purely a anecdotal or dare I say scientific enterprise. He just calls out observations. The problem is that one day that will arrive sooner than I would like those comparisons will become more self-critical.
I now understand the reasoning behind all those ridiculous coddleling parents. They keep trying to sheild their child from the idea that someone is smarter, taller, faster, or better-looking than their child. Probably because they don't want to admit that their perfect baby is really just an average child. I get it now! The thing is, I still don't believe that it works because despite your best efforts to cover it up your child will find out the truth- he/she will not win them ALL. Your refusal to acknowledge that fact and teach them how to deal with it only makes the matter more confusing and upsetting.
This does not mean that you should go around slapping your child and calling him a loser- even if it is true. A parents love should be seen as unconditional and unwavering, but a parent must also be honest about those things we need to work harder on.
So why do some of us continue to short change our kids by punking out? I don't know and as a therapist that works specifically with addiction recovery, I really wish people would stop. Your kids can't cope with life and everytime they make a comparison and see a lack they give up and drift further into ridiculous behavior. Tell the truth you think their short comings are a reflection of you and that if you pretend that they don't have any then it will be ok?
WRONG! I don't want LoLo to ever think of himself as less than, but I am not going to pretend that he is the "be all, end all" of anyone's world, but mine and Husband. One day he is going to realize that someone is taller, stronger, and although I seriously doubt it being possible he may meet someone more handsome or smarter. I want him to be prepared to accept it, deal with the moment and figure out a way to still be his best self knowing that his moment to be the best will soon come.
I now understand the reasoning behind all those ridiculous coddleling parents. They keep trying to sheild their child from the idea that someone is smarter, taller, faster, or better-looking than their child. Probably because they don't want to admit that their perfect baby is really just an average child. I get it now! The thing is, I still don't believe that it works because despite your best efforts to cover it up your child will find out the truth- he/she will not win them ALL. Your refusal to acknowledge that fact and teach them how to deal with it only makes the matter more confusing and upsetting.
This does not mean that you should go around slapping your child and calling him a loser- even if it is true. A parents love should be seen as unconditional and unwavering, but a parent must also be honest about those things we need to work harder on.
So why do some of us continue to short change our kids by punking out? I don't know and as a therapist that works specifically with addiction recovery, I really wish people would stop. Your kids can't cope with life and everytime they make a comparison and see a lack they give up and drift further into ridiculous behavior. Tell the truth you think their short comings are a reflection of you and that if you pretend that they don't have any then it will be ok?
WRONG! I don't want LoLo to ever think of himself as less than, but I am not going to pretend that he is the "be all, end all" of anyone's world, but mine and Husband. One day he is going to realize that someone is taller, stronger, and although I seriously doubt it being possible he may meet someone more handsome or smarter. I want him to be prepared to accept it, deal with the moment and figure out a way to still be his best self knowing that his moment to be the best will soon come.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Happy New Year
Hey,
HAPPY NEW YEAR! I know I took a bit of an unexpected break, but I went to see one of my grandmothers, I worked some extra hours for some cash and basically took some time to try to get myself together and do you know what I realized? I am too lazy to really get my act together. I would much rather write about it and visualize it.
I have made some progress. I found someone to take care of my supervision and I am getting my scores reported to the licensing board. Now I just need to send in the paperwork along with the processing fee and get my transcripts. The transcript part may not be as easy as it sounds.
You see, the school believes that I owe them $1,999 for the semester after I graduated. Mind you I was not enrolled in any classes and to my knowledge was on the list of graduating persons. So my question is how can I possibly owe you for a semester that I did not attend. Husband and I decided to go through all of our bills the other day and try to figure out some things and I stumbled upon another notice about this bill. (Please note that I had already called in like September of 2010 and left a message, but I since I am not going to beg anyone to take money from me, I did not feel the need to keep calling about this issue.) I called immediately and was connected to a representative who told me that although that was the number listed on the bill she was not in a position to help me sort anything out. I had to go through the school directly.
I called the school and had to leave another message. Do you think anyone has called me back? NO! They think that it is ok, I guess. Maybe they are hoping that I will forget and be so caught up in paying for my student loans that I will without noticing pay that bill as well. Boy are they wrong!
I have decided to pay only WHAT I owe to WHO I owe! I am tired of just paying to get people to go away or because I am tired of calling. I am tired of people trying to get over on me. 2011 was year of awakening for me. I learned a lot about what I want out of life on this earth and even after, but knowledge means nothing on its own. Faith without works is dead so that means 2012 is going to have to be about action.
Are you ready for the new you to come to light this year or are you just planning to dust off the old you and pass it off like a new dress?
HAPPY NEW YEAR! I know I took a bit of an unexpected break, but I went to see one of my grandmothers, I worked some extra hours for some cash and basically took some time to try to get myself together and do you know what I realized? I am too lazy to really get my act together. I would much rather write about it and visualize it.
I have made some progress. I found someone to take care of my supervision and I am getting my scores reported to the licensing board. Now I just need to send in the paperwork along with the processing fee and get my transcripts. The transcript part may not be as easy as it sounds.
You see, the school believes that I owe them $1,999 for the semester after I graduated. Mind you I was not enrolled in any classes and to my knowledge was on the list of graduating persons. So my question is how can I possibly owe you for a semester that I did not attend. Husband and I decided to go through all of our bills the other day and try to figure out some things and I stumbled upon another notice about this bill. (Please note that I had already called in like September of 2010 and left a message, but I since I am not going to beg anyone to take money from me, I did not feel the need to keep calling about this issue.) I called immediately and was connected to a representative who told me that although that was the number listed on the bill she was not in a position to help me sort anything out. I had to go through the school directly.
I called the school and had to leave another message. Do you think anyone has called me back? NO! They think that it is ok, I guess. Maybe they are hoping that I will forget and be so caught up in paying for my student loans that I will without noticing pay that bill as well. Boy are they wrong!
I have decided to pay only WHAT I owe to WHO I owe! I am tired of just paying to get people to go away or because I am tired of calling. I am tired of people trying to get over on me. 2011 was year of awakening for me. I learned a lot about what I want out of life on this earth and even after, but knowledge means nothing on its own. Faith without works is dead so that means 2012 is going to have to be about action.
Are you ready for the new you to come to light this year or are you just planning to dust off the old you and pass it off like a new dress?
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