I Don't Understand

I am still working on being a better person and I am finding today to be an even bigger challenge than yesterday. It is like the word is out and the people around me are working overtime to push me over the edge. It is like when you make up your mind to fast or go on a diet and all of a sudden everyone wants to take you out to lunch. I mean, really, I feel like I am witnessing an epidemic of stupid behavior and all I can do is smile through as I stare in horror.

You may think that I am exaggerating, so I have decided to make a note of some of the things that happened today that really just don't make any sense.

1. Matlock comes out of his office to my area and asked me to come back to his office with him. Because I am both curious and a glutton for punishment, I picked up my assistant utensils and followed him. I did not ask questions because normally he wants to ask me some embarrassingly simple question about "cut and paste" or Outlook, but not this time. I walk into his office and he says, "I need you to distribute these and you will need to put a return address on these two." He walked out to my desk and had me follow him just to give me envelopes to take back to my desk. Is he serious? Dude, you were just by my desk. You were not coming back from somewhere else, you just left your office where the envelope was on your desk. Why would you not bring it out when you came the first time and just tell me to mail it? I know I have put on weight, but if you want me to get a little more exercise in, you should let me off early enough to go to the gym because that little walk back and forth was ridiculous.

2. Young Boss has made a big deal about how he wants to go paperless and can't understand why we waste so much paper making copies that clutter up offices never to be needed again. It is my job to scan his invoices, so I did just that. He calls me into his office and asks why there was no copy of the checks attached. I told him they were scanned to the database. His reply, "It is a lot of work for me to look these up individually. Can we just copy them and then shred them after I put them in quick books. That will save me a lot of steps." My reply, "I thought you wanted to go paperless.?,". To which he basically responded with a "yes, but..." lets just make the copy anyway.

3. I received a call for the boss I will call Sergeant (If you met him you would know why. He, much like the drill sergeants in movies, has been known to reduce a grown man to tears.) The person asked if Sergeant was in to which I replied, "Yes. He is on the other line. Would you like to leave him a voicemail?" The caller says, "Well, I want to make sure that he knows I returned his call. What is the best way I can do that?". I restrained myself and answered as calmly as possible, "A voicemail would probably be best." Is that not the point of voicemail? Did I not just suggest you leave a voicemail message? What better proof of you calling than your voice on the phone stating that you called?

4. The last one is not from today, but is something that continues to bother me. Why do magazine article headlines say things like "Get this look for UNDER $50" or something similar only to offer me items that cost about $46 a piece. That is not a "look" for less. That is a skirt for less. The "look" costs about $270 dollars. That is right. I wrote dollars twice. I did it to prove a point because when you are broke enough to want a look for less $300 is a big deal. I don't know what annoys me more - that they keep doing it or that I keep falling for it.

5. Outlook is out to make me look incompetent. I know that I clicked the right day and filled out the meeting request properly, but somehow it changed when I was looking up something that is supposed to be totally different and because I did not notice the change I sent out the request and Matlock had to come and use his famously condescending tone to tell me, "I thought we decided on having the meeting next Tuesday." WWWHHHYYY!

6. We have a mailbox. It is my job to check it. I check it every Wednesday. Young boss asked me at least 10 times before 2 PM (keep in mind I took an hour lunch) if I was planning to check the box today. Is today not Wednesday? Is that not why I write a schedule?

I know that I really want to be a good person, but they are pushing it. I knew things were getting bad when after someone used their "servant" voice on me for like the 3rd time I had to stop myself from quoting Coming To America and saying, "The royal penis is clean your highness." There are very few lines from that movie that are work appropriate- even if you watch it on WGN. I was just tired of people talking crazy to me, but I am serious about working on my attitude, as well as my fitness (you know you want to sing it) and I am going chalk this day up to the game and get ready to start over tomorrow. I still don't understand, but to be honest I hope I am never crazy enough for it to start making sense.