Stay At Home

A coworker jokes that one her 1st day back from maternity leave I greeted her with, "Welcome to the 1st day of your vacation!" She jokes that I was the only one who seemed to understand the maternity leave is not the same thing as a vacation. Since when is taking care of another human being after just being released from the hospital started being considered a break from work. All a new mother does is work. You are simultaneously a dairy farm, a heating pad/ security blanket, a hostess/ maid (because there are always visitors), patient, and caregiver in addition to your usual wife, friend, daughter responsibilities that everyone wants to put in hyper-drive since you have so much perceived free time. Did I mention that you are trying to do all of this while under the influence of major hormone surges? Don't get me started on trying to get grip on yourself when you realize what you now look like after serving as a condo and life source, not to mention the fact that some people will treat you like a Victoria Secret model and wonder when you are going to loose the baby weight- as though your livelihood depends on it.

People tell you things like take a nap when the baby does, but during those times you are actually trying to do all the things that you couldn't otherwise get done and do you know where that gets you? You wind up in the shower eating a peanut butter sandwich having a conversation on speaker phone while you wait for the clothes to finish drying. (Don't judge me!)

There is a reason why I am not a stay-at-home mom. I am WAY to lazy for that kind of intense work. There are no lunch breaks and no PTO. The boss is totally demanding and dependant on your performance. It is just too high pressure. I come to the office because everyone here is potty trained and even if they aren't none of them have yet ask me to help them wipe. I don't have to be concerned about if anyone has eaten their vegetables or had nap. I don't care if the person I just saw has clean clothes and I am to far away to be bothered with washing dishes or laundry.

I read an article recently that said women working outside of the home part-time were happier than those that were full-time at home. I know why. Those women who are working at home are REALLY working. There is always something to do when I am at home. The only thing worse is that when you are at home full time people think that you have it easy and try to find other things for you to do or try to denigrate what you are doing. I have been on maternity leave twice and each time I welcomed my return to work because I needed the break. I can honestly say that I never want to be a stay-at-home mom because quite frankly, I don't want to work that hard. EVER! IN LIFE!

I got my current job when Seattle decided to be at home full-time. For the first few weeks when people called and asked me what happened to her I would just take a deep breath and tell them the truth, "She decided to get a real job." Sucker!