All last week and through the weekend my sweet sweet boy practiced for his "Walk Through History" black history presentation for school. He is only 3 so his presentation consisted of the following 3 lines, "James Weldon Johnson was born in Florida. He grew up to be a poet (sometimes said as poe-nent). James Weldon Johnson wrote "Lift Every Voice & Sing"." I listened to this speech morning, noon, and night and because I really wanted him to do well, I listened happily and clapped each time.
We practiced when he took his picture for his poster. We practiced while we made his poster, saying the fact as we cut them out and pasted them. We practiced on the way to and from school. Mostly, at his request. I was so proud of his proactive approach.
His teacher told me he practiced in class. She said he was saying it loud and clear. My mother said he repeated over and over at her house. He said it for his Godmommy on the phone. He said it for people at the housewarming. He even said it for his little sister.
Yesterday was the big day. After pretending to sing with the other preschool kids. It was time for them to give their presentations. They let most of the girls go first and most of them got shy and quiet and needed teacher assistance. I had to tell LoLo that it was not okay to laugh or interrupt the other children saying things like, "I can't hear" or "She doesn't know". 3 year olds are tough crowd. They were all heckling each other.
As I watched them clam up I thought to myself, I know my baby is ready. He is going to show these kids a thing or two. So I waited and when his time came he got up and walked to the front. The teacher asked, "And who are you?"
LoLo: SILENCE...
Teacher: Who are you? (Points to the board)
LoLo: (whispers) james weldon johnson
Teacher: And what did you do?
LoLo: (still wispering) mummble mumble poet.
Teacher: What did he write?
LoLo: he wrote LiftEveryVoiceAndSing. (He said it just like that- as one word.)
I was astonished and appalled. How is it that my son, who talks to everyone and whose talking voice can wake his sister from downstairs, could get up there and not talk? I could not believe it. Then like the singing frog in the old cartoons, the minute people started leaving he started saying it just like rehearsed.
So I did what every good parent in my position would do. I left him in the class to do it 3 more times for the people who missed it the first time. I wasn't going to let all that practice go to waste.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Monday
Today is my sweet Husband's birthday. I am more excited than he is, but I think that is because I reap the benefits of his continued attractiveness. Woo hoo! Holla!!!
Speaking of looking good, I would like to talk about me. I am looking okay today myself. I have on my black pencil skit and tank with a gray fitted sweater. The sweater has a cute hareliquin pattern in white and yellow to add some color. I ate some Girl Scout Cookies that I am sure will make my stomach swell, but it was worth it.
My outfit is pretty nice for a Monday. This is especially true considering my absolute refusal to wear anything that needed to be ironed. (I was really trying to get to work on time today.) However, there are still two things that are ruining my overall look.
The first is my footwear. I have on heather grey tights and black boots. I wanted to wear my black boots this morning, just not these black boots. The black boots I want to wear have something wrong with the heel and every time I stepped down or tried to walk it felt like it was going to pop off. So, I have on the boots that I bought to wear on my swollen feet when I was pregnant. So much for no longer rocking the maternity gear.
Secondly is my hair. I currently look like I should either be in the video or be followed by a soundtrack playing "Rock Me, Amadeaus". My hair is crazy, but that is my fault. I went to work on Saturday and let my hair air dry because I would have been late if I tried to do anything else. I then left it that way on Sunday until right before bed when the thought came to me that the volume level was a little loud for my "corporate" work environment. In an effort to "bring it down a notch" I braided the front and the very back. That is right I left the middle just like it was. (That makes 3 days without comb or brush. I never said that this was a well thought out plan, but it is the one I decided to go with.)
My plan was not all bad. I did get the back to a managable level, but the front just will not be tamed. I just did not have it in me to really try to make it better this morning, so I added a headband and kept it moving. I had almost forgotten all about it until my sweet LoLo said to me this morning, "Mommy, I can see your hair...Your hair is SO big." Actually, I think he said too big because he was trying to play some version of Hide and Seek and my hair was keeping me from being hidden.
The best part had to be the looks on my friend's faces. They all have the same "Whoa!" look and then they smile because I think at this point they are beyond any real surpise that I would have left the house like this. I think they are just hoping that I don't do it again tomorrow thinking that I look good. I know when they think I look good. I also know when they want to strap me down and have an intervention. Today is an in-between day.
I think they are going to let me slide today. You know, since its Monday!
Speaking of looking good, I would like to talk about me. I am looking okay today myself. I have on my black pencil skit and tank with a gray fitted sweater. The sweater has a cute hareliquin pattern in white and yellow to add some color. I ate some Girl Scout Cookies that I am sure will make my stomach swell, but it was worth it.
My outfit is pretty nice for a Monday. This is especially true considering my absolute refusal to wear anything that needed to be ironed. (I was really trying to get to work on time today.) However, there are still two things that are ruining my overall look.
The first is my footwear. I have on heather grey tights and black boots. I wanted to wear my black boots this morning, just not these black boots. The black boots I want to wear have something wrong with the heel and every time I stepped down or tried to walk it felt like it was going to pop off. So, I have on the boots that I bought to wear on my swollen feet when I was pregnant. So much for no longer rocking the maternity gear.
Secondly is my hair. I currently look like I should either be in the video or be followed by a soundtrack playing "Rock Me, Amadeaus". My hair is crazy, but that is my fault. I went to work on Saturday and let my hair air dry because I would have been late if I tried to do anything else. I then left it that way on Sunday until right before bed when the thought came to me that the volume level was a little loud for my "corporate" work environment. In an effort to "bring it down a notch" I braided the front and the very back. That is right I left the middle just like it was. (That makes 3 days without comb or brush. I never said that this was a well thought out plan, but it is the one I decided to go with.)
My plan was not all bad. I did get the back to a managable level, but the front just will not be tamed. I just did not have it in me to really try to make it better this morning, so I added a headband and kept it moving. I had almost forgotten all about it until my sweet LoLo said to me this morning, "Mommy, I can see your hair...Your hair is SO big." Actually, I think he said too big because he was trying to play some version of Hide and Seek and my hair was keeping me from being hidden.
The best part had to be the looks on my friend's faces. They all have the same "Whoa!" look and then they smile because I think at this point they are beyond any real surpise that I would have left the house like this. I think they are just hoping that I don't do it again tomorrow thinking that I look good. I know when they think I look good. I also know when they want to strap me down and have an intervention. Today is an in-between day.
I think they are going to let me slide today. You know, since its Monday!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Hectic
Things are getting kind of hectic for me at work. I had my bosses here today, which is a rarity on a Friday and I have therapy work tomorrow. I also have a baking order due. As of right this moment my Saturday looks like this:
9 AM - ~ 3 PM: I have therapy sessions
3 PM - 6 PM: Wedding reception
5:30 PM: Baking delivery
6 PM - 8 PM: Networking event (That I have already missed twice and have been threatened with being uninvited.))
6 PM - 9 PM: Friends housewarming event
I am seriously trying to figure out if anyone has a teleportation device or way to temporarily clone myself because I have not yet figured out how to be in two places at once. Everyone has a reason for wanting me there, but only 2 are paying for my time. All I here is a Tim Gunn like voice saying, "Make it work."
I will let you know how that goes.
9 AM - ~ 3 PM: I have therapy sessions
3 PM - 6 PM: Wedding reception
5:30 PM: Baking delivery
6 PM - 8 PM: Networking event (That I have already missed twice and have been threatened with being uninvited.))
6 PM - 9 PM: Friends housewarming event
I am seriously trying to figure out if anyone has a teleportation device or way to temporarily clone myself because I have not yet figured out how to be in two places at once. Everyone has a reason for wanting me there, but only 2 are paying for my time. All I here is a Tim Gunn like voice saying, "Make it work."
I will let you know how that goes.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
A Mothers Love
I have spent a lot of time talking about my weight loss and fitness progress. Last week was pretty hard. I was just not mentally up for it. I went to the gym, but the desire to push myself was missing. Maybe I had gotten to complacent. I mean, even my mother was giving me compliments.
For those of you who have one of those Pollyanna style mothers who think that everything you do is wonderful let me explain. If ever there was a person who I could trust to be brutally honest it is my mother. Make no mistake. My mother loves me "more than a fat kid loves cake" (That reference is the only way my mother and 50 Cent can peacefully coexist.) She is just a believer that loving someone means being honest even when your input was not exactly requested.
This means that my mother is always saying things like this:
1. When my complexion got lighter around my nose- "You think you have that Michael Jackson disease? Are you going to turn white? You think you are going to start bleaching your skin? Don't do that, okay?" Yes. Talking to her is often like listening to someone's stream of consciousness rant.
2. Any given day - "You look so nice in your clothes today...(wait for it)...Now if we could just do something with that head. When are you going to get your hair done again?"
3. After I told her I was poor and could not go on vacation with my best friend any time soon. "Oh, does that bother you...(wait for it)...Are you happy in your marriage?" Still not sure how those things correlate.
4. Sitting in my kitchen - "Oh, you cooked. What is it? That is so nice...(waiting)...I mean I wouldn't eat it, but it is good that you cooked."
5. Talking about my housekeeping skills - "You look so nice when you go out, but God forbid someone follow you home." I have often tried to explain that the person following me would be considered a stalker and therefore they would be the one with the problem - not me and my "dirty" house.
These are all reasons why her recent comments when I come by have probably given me an inflated sense of accomplishment. She has been raving about how much better I look and how healthy I must be getting. I am just saying...if my mother tells me that I am looking good, I must be rocking it out. Goal accomplished, right?
Not quite. Today's quote from my mother who stopped by my job to say hi after running an errand. "Are going to lunch now? Is this where you normally get your lunch? You bought breakfast today? You must have because your stomach is poking out now. It wasn't like that this morning. What did you eat?" I asked her is this was her way of making friends because it was not working for me. We laughed it off, but...
I know who WILL be going back to gym. Motivation received.
For those of you who have one of those Pollyanna style mothers who think that everything you do is wonderful let me explain. If ever there was a person who I could trust to be brutally honest it is my mother. Make no mistake. My mother loves me "more than a fat kid loves cake" (That reference is the only way my mother and 50 Cent can peacefully coexist.) She is just a believer that loving someone means being honest even when your input was not exactly requested.
This means that my mother is always saying things like this:
1. When my complexion got lighter around my nose- "You think you have that Michael Jackson disease? Are you going to turn white? You think you are going to start bleaching your skin? Don't do that, okay?" Yes. Talking to her is often like listening to someone's stream of consciousness rant.
2. Any given day - "You look so nice in your clothes today...(wait for it)...Now if we could just do something with that head. When are you going to get your hair done again?"
3. After I told her I was poor and could not go on vacation with my best friend any time soon. "Oh, does that bother you...(wait for it)...Are you happy in your marriage?" Still not sure how those things correlate.
4. Sitting in my kitchen - "Oh, you cooked. What is it? That is so nice...(waiting)...I mean I wouldn't eat it, but it is good that you cooked."
5. Talking about my housekeeping skills - "You look so nice when you go out, but God forbid someone follow you home." I have often tried to explain that the person following me would be considered a stalker and therefore they would be the one with the problem - not me and my "dirty" house.
These are all reasons why her recent comments when I come by have probably given me an inflated sense of accomplishment. She has been raving about how much better I look and how healthy I must be getting. I am just saying...if my mother tells me that I am looking good, I must be rocking it out. Goal accomplished, right?
Not quite. Today's quote from my mother who stopped by my job to say hi after running an errand. "Are going to lunch now? Is this where you normally get your lunch? You bought breakfast today? You must have because your stomach is poking out now. It wasn't like that this morning. What did you eat?" I asked her is this was her way of making friends because it was not working for me. We laughed it off, but...
I know who WILL be going back to gym. Motivation received.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Yoga Hurts
OH MY GOD!!! I hurt so bad.
It is my own fault. I have not been having good runs lately and I have been feeling kind of tight during my workouts, so, I had the bright idea to do Ashtanga yoga yesterday in an effort to stretch myself out. While sweating and mentally begging God to make it stop, I wondered how in the world I used to do this 3 times a week.
Then I woke up this morning and all my muscles felt tighter than when I went running. I am so sore that it hurts to swing my arms when I walk. I took the stairs and thought that my I was going fall to the ground. It burned. BURNED!
I only have 2 more weeks before my birthday weekend. I am going to have to figure something out so that I can get it together by then.
It is my own fault. I have not been having good runs lately and I have been feeling kind of tight during my workouts, so, I had the bright idea to do Ashtanga yoga yesterday in an effort to stretch myself out. While sweating and mentally begging God to make it stop, I wondered how in the world I used to do this 3 times a week.
Then I woke up this morning and all my muscles felt tighter than when I went running. I am so sore that it hurts to swing my arms when I walk. I took the stairs and thought that my I was going fall to the ground. It burned. BURNED!
I only have 2 more weeks before my birthday weekend. I am going to have to figure something out so that I can get it together by then.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Black Card
No, American Express did not have a temporary lapse in good judgement and give me one of the coveted "NO limit" cards that you could use to buy a house. I am talking about my, "Say it LOUD! I'm BLACK and I'm PROUD!" card. I can only imagine considering the number or dumb things I see white people, Latinos, and Asians do that every other group has those same moments. The moments when you could wear a t-shirt that says something like, "We ALL aren't like that" or "I think he is an idiot, too".
I would speculate that my white friends feel a similar pang of "REALLY?" when people like Pat Buchanan write books with chapter titles like "The End of White America". Come on. How can it end? Are all white people going to cease to exist in America? As long as there are white people in America, there will be a "White America" and there are enough people hell bent on 'purity' to make sure that will not be a problem. Speaking realistically, because I don't advocate the procreation of supremacists, wouldn't someone who is afraid of the end of their culture be better served by advocating more baby-making instead of writing inflammatory literature. If he wants to ensure a future for his "White America" he should put down the pen and crank up some Robin Thicke or Jon B. and start making it happen. Mostly I wish he would sit down somewhere and stop embarrassing my friends. (That message also goes for those crazy protesters in Hazelton, PA acting like it's 1957 and immigrants are the Little Rock Nine. It wasn't cute then and it is even less ok now that we are supposed to know better.)
One of the things that makes me want to give in my membership card is when I see my people play directly into the stereotypes. I am sure many Asians and Asian-Americans felt the same way when they saw one of their own in the Pete Hoekstra Super Bowl campaign ad. It was ridiculous and makes you wonder how anyone, but the actress in particular could have thought this was ok. I know she is an actress and probably needed the paycheck and exposure, but speaking broken English while riding through a rice field. All I could think was for real, "Where they do that at?". (See how I played into the stereotype of a black girl speaking Ebony Phonics - remember Ebonics.) I digress. The point is that somethings are better kept in house. Yes. There are people who have difficulty speaking English as a 2nd language and yes, I have moments when I talk like I still live by the Ave, but that is not how I want to be represented politically. Stop selling out or you will be no better than the "Love you long time" girl in the background of the 2 Live Crew song. (You know the one. You are singing it right now, aren't you. Cut it out!)
Lastly, black people...I beg you to cut out the nonsense. Please stop making up words. Conversate is not in the dictionary (For the record, the word is converse). This means that it is not to be used at job interviews or in your school essays. Please stop picking letters and symbols at random to name our children. Stop talking crazy into your cell phone loud enough for everyone in the grocery store to know that some chick is after your man because you told her he knows how to hit that spot. Stop pretending like tights are pants. Stop letting your daughters "ho" themselves out for attention because you are too busy "trying to do you". Stop telling people that it is OK because "weed is from the earth". It is still illegal. (Yes, even in California. It is against FEDERAL law.)
Stop treating literacy and school like a disease. Stop going on TV, this includes the news, without your teeth.
Stop getting so many tattoos that you look like a fungus has covered your torso. Stop taking your kids to the tattoo parlor and for the love of God, PLEASE stop tattooing above your collar bone. Stop making the NBA, NFL, and record deals seems like the ONLY valid career options. Stop trying to make the shenanigans on Basketball Wives, RHO Atlanta, Love and Hip-Hop and whatever else look like the norm. The only appeal of these shows should be because their behavior is exaggerated. They are not a lifestyle guide. The same way we laugh at the girl who tries to escape the murderer in the rain while wearing a white t-shirt and high heels after she "inspected" the noise in the basement, we should be laughing not trying to join.
I cannot tell you how many times I have turned on BET or TV One only to be greeted with images that make me want to hang my head. I know that Lil' Wayne needs to eat and pay his child support just like every other baby Daddy, but I just wish he could at least look like he took a shower or brushed his teeth. I wish he could just talk like he might have read a book - just once. I know he can't be as dumb as he looks. He is clearly a marketing genius to have made something so gross (no offense, if that is possible) appealing to so many. I mean, really, he looks kind of like a drunk muppet. Again, no offense. He is not the only offender and he should not be penalized for representing a small set of the population. I just wish his image did not take up so much of the mainstream media shine.
I am proudly from a neighborhood that gave the world LL Cool J, the Fat Boys, 50 Cent and Nicki Minaj. I am from the only place I have ever seen a synagogue be converted into a Baptist church. I have no problem with Hip-Hop culture and love being black and like Jerry Maguire, "I LOVE black people". Most of the idiosycracies of black culture did not even register to me until I went to college and learned that people really think that we are like what they see on TV and I realized that in many ways one of us represents all of us. It is with that in mind that I present one small request.
Basically, stop embarrassing ME!
I would speculate that my white friends feel a similar pang of "REALLY?" when people like Pat Buchanan write books with chapter titles like "The End of White America". Come on. How can it end? Are all white people going to cease to exist in America? As long as there are white people in America, there will be a "White America" and there are enough people hell bent on 'purity' to make sure that will not be a problem. Speaking realistically, because I don't advocate the procreation of supremacists, wouldn't someone who is afraid of the end of their culture be better served by advocating more baby-making instead of writing inflammatory literature. If he wants to ensure a future for his "White America" he should put down the pen and crank up some Robin Thicke or Jon B. and start making it happen. Mostly I wish he would sit down somewhere and stop embarrassing my friends. (That message also goes for those crazy protesters in Hazelton, PA acting like it's 1957 and immigrants are the Little Rock Nine. It wasn't cute then and it is even less ok now that we are supposed to know better.)
One of the things that makes me want to give in my membership card is when I see my people play directly into the stereotypes. I am sure many Asians and Asian-Americans felt the same way when they saw one of their own in the Pete Hoekstra Super Bowl campaign ad. It was ridiculous and makes you wonder how anyone, but the actress in particular could have thought this was ok. I know she is an actress and probably needed the paycheck and exposure, but speaking broken English while riding through a rice field. All I could think was for real, "Where they do that at?". (See how I played into the stereotype of a black girl speaking Ebony Phonics - remember Ebonics.) I digress. The point is that somethings are better kept in house. Yes. There are people who have difficulty speaking English as a 2nd language and yes, I have moments when I talk like I still live by the Ave, but that is not how I want to be represented politically. Stop selling out or you will be no better than the "Love you long time" girl in the background of the 2 Live Crew song. (You know the one. You are singing it right now, aren't you. Cut it out!)
Lastly, black people...I beg you to cut out the nonsense. Please stop making up words. Conversate is not in the dictionary (For the record, the word is converse). This means that it is not to be used at job interviews or in your school essays. Please stop picking letters and symbols at random to name our children. Stop talking crazy into your cell phone loud enough for everyone in the grocery store to know that some chick is after your man because you told her he knows how to hit that spot. Stop pretending like tights are pants. Stop letting your daughters "ho" themselves out for attention because you are too busy "trying to do you". Stop telling people that it is OK because "weed is from the earth". It is still illegal. (Yes, even in California. It is against FEDERAL law.)
Stop treating literacy and school like a disease. Stop going on TV, this includes the news, without your teeth.
Stop getting so many tattoos that you look like a fungus has covered your torso. Stop taking your kids to the tattoo parlor and for the love of God, PLEASE stop tattooing above your collar bone. Stop making the NBA, NFL, and record deals seems like the ONLY valid career options. Stop trying to make the shenanigans on Basketball Wives, RHO Atlanta, Love and Hip-Hop and whatever else look like the norm. The only appeal of these shows should be because their behavior is exaggerated. They are not a lifestyle guide. The same way we laugh at the girl who tries to escape the murderer in the rain while wearing a white t-shirt and high heels after she "inspected" the noise in the basement, we should be laughing not trying to join.
I cannot tell you how many times I have turned on BET or TV One only to be greeted with images that make me want to hang my head. I know that Lil' Wayne needs to eat and pay his child support just like every other baby Daddy, but I just wish he could at least look like he took a shower or brushed his teeth. I wish he could just talk like he might have read a book - just once. I know he can't be as dumb as he looks. He is clearly a marketing genius to have made something so gross (no offense, if that is possible) appealing to so many. I mean, really, he looks kind of like a drunk muppet. Again, no offense. He is not the only offender and he should not be penalized for representing a small set of the population. I just wish his image did not take up so much of the mainstream media shine.
I am proudly from a neighborhood that gave the world LL Cool J, the Fat Boys, 50 Cent and Nicki Minaj. I am from the only place I have ever seen a synagogue be converted into a Baptist church. I have no problem with Hip-Hop culture and love being black and like Jerry Maguire, "I LOVE black people". Most of the idiosycracies of black culture did not even register to me until I went to college and learned that people really think that we are like what they see on TV and I realized that in many ways one of us represents all of us. It is with that in mind that I present one small request.
Basically, stop embarrassing ME!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Outgrown
I have a friendship with a girl that I will call Philly that I believe is reaching it's expiration date. We have been friends since the late 1990's, so I do not take lightly. I really value friendship and have been known to hold onto people who like milk, have gone bad. Only instead of stinking up my fridge, hanging with them leaves me feeling rancid and they just seem moldy and unappealing.
I have had many "friends" come and go. Some were epic meltdowns and some were just the gradual waining that comes with time. I have been saddened by some (usually if it was someone that I seem to have just lost touch with. I am big on closure.) and relieved at the ejection of others, but overall I have not spent much time thinking about past friends. So, what would make this one different?
First, I thought she would be one of my "forever" friends. There are not many people with whom I can visualize a 30 minute conversation, much less a lifelong friendship. She was one of those. We were different enough to be interesting to each other, but similar in terms of values and overall life views. We were each going to take the world by storm in our own ways and enjoy telling each other all about it.
I did not realize at the time, but I think everything started to change between us when I got engaged. Her relationship with her longtime honey did not work out. I quit grad school (I later went back and finished), got married, moved away, had kids and got back together with Jesus. She finished her Ph.D, went off on a post-breakup "Kissing Bandit" spree, moved in with friends, and started her career. Now most of our conversation seems to center around me trying to prove that I am still "down" and her feigning interest in my domestic life. There are also some subtle hints that she may believe that she is either smarter or better than me.
The major issue is that I think instead of bringing out the best in each other and highlighting our own indivdual awesomeness we now spark each other's insecurities. I think we see each other and wonder if we made the right choices. Should I have waited to get married? Will she become an old maid because she put her career first? It is so hard to know if the life you have is what you really want when the grass always looks greener on the other side.
But now our conversations are so stilted and awkward. We are just not in the same place anymore and we are not growing together. We no longer understand each other's life choices. It really hurts me to say it, but I think we have "OUTGROWN" each other...
And it sucks!!!(like a sailor!)
I have had many "friends" come and go. Some were epic meltdowns and some were just the gradual waining that comes with time. I have been saddened by some (usually if it was someone that I seem to have just lost touch with. I am big on closure.) and relieved at the ejection of others, but overall I have not spent much time thinking about past friends. So, what would make this one different?
First, I thought she would be one of my "forever" friends. There are not many people with whom I can visualize a 30 minute conversation, much less a lifelong friendship. She was one of those. We were different enough to be interesting to each other, but similar in terms of values and overall life views. We were each going to take the world by storm in our own ways and enjoy telling each other all about it.
I did not realize at the time, but I think everything started to change between us when I got engaged. Her relationship with her longtime honey did not work out. I quit grad school (I later went back and finished), got married, moved away, had kids and got back together with Jesus. She finished her Ph.D, went off on a post-breakup "Kissing Bandit" spree, moved in with friends, and started her career. Now most of our conversation seems to center around me trying to prove that I am still "down" and her feigning interest in my domestic life. There are also some subtle hints that she may believe that she is either smarter or better than me.
The major issue is that I think instead of bringing out the best in each other and highlighting our own indivdual awesomeness we now spark each other's insecurities. I think we see each other and wonder if we made the right choices. Should I have waited to get married? Will she become an old maid because she put her career first? It is so hard to know if the life you have is what you really want when the grass always looks greener on the other side.
But now our conversations are so stilted and awkward. We are just not in the same place anymore and we are not growing together. We no longer understand each other's life choices. It really hurts me to say it, but I think we have "OUTGROWN" each other...
And it sucks!!!(like a sailor!)
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Details, Details
I was walking back from running my errands and crossed paths with 2 women walking and talking on their way back to their office. They came from a side hall and crossed in front of me when they turned left to go through the double doors. The one woman in the dress decided to walk directly in front of me and I could tell by the way she was strutting that she was sure that she looked good.
Since she was doing the walk (and was directly in front of me), I decided to actually pay attention and see if she was all that she thought she was. She was dressed pretty nicely. She had on an cute orange-yellow sheath dress. I did not really care for the dark tights, boots, and the exposed zipper (why those became popular I will never know), but the only real point of contention with her outfit was the fit. It was either one size too small or she was still full for lunch. If she is anything like the women I know, it was probably the latter. The thing is all my friends and I know not to eat "for real, for real" in the "get 'em" dress. That is like trying to come to work all day in those "cute" shoes that you know are only good for walking from the car and sitting with your legs crossed so that other people will compliment you on how nice your shoes are.
I will not say that she looked terrible. She actually looked kind of nice if you are into a look that says, "I am old enough to know how to be work appropriate, but I have not lost all of my 'rocker' girl edge." That is until I made my way to her arms. She had ashy elbows! I don't mean that I was looking too close and hating because I like to find fault. I mean, ASHY, like grey. The kind of grey that you can see from a non-creepy walking distance. I almost laughed out loud. It was just crazy to me that she would spend the time to flat iron her hair, put on a dress, and accessories, but forget to lotion. It totally killed the look, but it did give me a little giggle and a blog topic. So, I guess I owe her.
It just reminded me of all the little things that I don't notice until to late. Like, when I went to shake hands with the dermatologist only to notice that my hands were ashy in that skin pocket next to my thumb or the time I made it all the way to work with 2 different shoes. I have also almost left the house in my slippers only to notice when I felt the winter breeze on my foot and have left the house forgetting to take my hair out of last nights braids. You have probably heard stories from your friends about a crazy woman they drove by on the highway with both hands in her hair and her elbows on the wheel. That was me!
It just goes to prove my point that small things matter. A simple necklace can make an outfit, but ashy knees can kill the mood. The devil is always in the details.
Since she was doing the walk (and was directly in front of me), I decided to actually pay attention and see if she was all that she thought she was. She was dressed pretty nicely. She had on an cute orange-yellow sheath dress. I did not really care for the dark tights, boots, and the exposed zipper (why those became popular I will never know), but the only real point of contention with her outfit was the fit. It was either one size too small or she was still full for lunch. If she is anything like the women I know, it was probably the latter. The thing is all my friends and I know not to eat "for real, for real" in the "get 'em" dress. That is like trying to come to work all day in those "cute" shoes that you know are only good for walking from the car and sitting with your legs crossed so that other people will compliment you on how nice your shoes are.
I will not say that she looked terrible. She actually looked kind of nice if you are into a look that says, "I am old enough to know how to be work appropriate, but I have not lost all of my 'rocker' girl edge." That is until I made my way to her arms. She had ashy elbows! I don't mean that I was looking too close and hating because I like to find fault. I mean, ASHY, like grey. The kind of grey that you can see from a non-creepy walking distance. I almost laughed out loud. It was just crazy to me that she would spend the time to flat iron her hair, put on a dress, and accessories, but forget to lotion. It totally killed the look, but it did give me a little giggle and a blog topic. So, I guess I owe her.
It just reminded me of all the little things that I don't notice until to late. Like, when I went to shake hands with the dermatologist only to notice that my hands were ashy in that skin pocket next to my thumb or the time I made it all the way to work with 2 different shoes. I have also almost left the house in my slippers only to notice when I felt the winter breeze on my foot and have left the house forgetting to take my hair out of last nights braids. You have probably heard stories from your friends about a crazy woman they drove by on the highway with both hands in her hair and her elbows on the wheel. That was me!
It just goes to prove my point that small things matter. A simple necklace can make an outfit, but ashy knees can kill the mood. The devil is always in the details.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Therapy + Friends
I have got to remember NOT to use paradoxical intervention on my friends. You would think I would have learned this lesson by know, but I did it yesterday. Lotus was telling me about her current guy friend and telling about their weekend of small tiffs. I am sure that normal people would say something supportive or tell her that little arguments don't mean anything, but NOT ME! No, I say, "What is the point of this relationship?" I know what you are probably thinking, but I don't mean any harm. I simply ask all my patients the same kind of questions so that they can evaluate what it is that they want versus what it is that they have or are getting.
While this may be great for therapy, it is not good for friend to friend interactions. I knew that I was wrong when I started because I felt the need to preface it by saying, "I don't mean to be a relationship Scrooge, but..." That knowing was only made more poignant when I saw the look of "REALLY" on Lotus' face. I tried to recover, but it was too late. The damage was done. I could have done what I normally do in therapy sessions, but it is wrong, awkward and highly unethical to therapize (just made that up) your friends.
This is not the first time I have pulled therapy tricks on my friends. I do it to Mallow all the time. Most of the time she knows, so I don't feel badly. I do it to Chyna, but she pays me no attention and does whatever she wants anyway. Lotus is not like that and so I say sorry for using confrontation techniques on you during lunch. That was not okay.
I do, however, have some thoughts. First, it is a good sign that you wanted to come to his defense. That would indicate that you feel invested and want it to work, but the fact that you have no plans for how this relationship is going to go worries me. It would seem like you are hoping for something to work even though you know it is not quite right. I know that most of these things seem small now, but small irritations grow into big problems if they aren't confronted. (Remember The 3 Steps to Breakup? They are real.) The question is always whether the person you are with is worth the time being invested even if you breakup.
I just want everyone to be aware of both what they really want and what they really have. That is the only way to bridge the gap between the two.
While this may be great for therapy, it is not good for friend to friend interactions. I knew that I was wrong when I started because I felt the need to preface it by saying, "I don't mean to be a relationship Scrooge, but..." That knowing was only made more poignant when I saw the look of "REALLY" on Lotus' face. I tried to recover, but it was too late. The damage was done. I could have done what I normally do in therapy sessions, but it is wrong, awkward and highly unethical to therapize (just made that up) your friends.
This is not the first time I have pulled therapy tricks on my friends. I do it to Mallow all the time. Most of the time she knows, so I don't feel badly. I do it to Chyna, but she pays me no attention and does whatever she wants anyway. Lotus is not like that and so I say sorry for using confrontation techniques on you during lunch. That was not okay.
I do, however, have some thoughts. First, it is a good sign that you wanted to come to his defense. That would indicate that you feel invested and want it to work, but the fact that you have no plans for how this relationship is going to go worries me. It would seem like you are hoping for something to work even though you know it is not quite right. I know that most of these things seem small now, but small irritations grow into big problems if they aren't confronted. (Remember The 3 Steps to Breakup? They are real.) The question is always whether the person you are with is worth the time being invested even if you breakup.
I just want everyone to be aware of both what they really want and what they really have. That is the only way to bridge the gap between the two.
Nasty Woman
Hey, Lady
I don't know who you are, but you "got that nasty woman's disease." No, I don't mean that kind that you need penicillin for, but the kind that needs to be called out publicly. How dare you think it is okay to go to the bathroom and not flush the toilet? Where were you raised? People raised in a barn may leave the door open or leave things on the floor, but even they know to flush. I mean, seriously, I saw a cat flush on You Tube. What is your problem? You probably didn't even wash your hands. I have no reason to expect anything else besides nastiness in that area of your life as well.
What was the matter? Were you on the phone and didn't want them to know? Thought the flush might give it away and leave you embarrassed? Well, I've got news for you Lady. They already knew from the echo that you were on the phone. So, you might as well do us all a favor and clean up behind yourself. Did you think that this was like the airport and it would flush automatically? (I figured they were created for germaphobes because what kind of idiot/lazy person needed an automatic flush. Thank you for clearing that up) Well, when you didn't hear anything you should have looked for that little button and you would have noticed the handle. That means it is a manual flush and you were going to have to make it happen on your own. Do you know how much damage you almost caused. When I walked into the stall and saw that it was full, I almost threw up on the spot, which I am sure would have led to something else.
Your actions effect other people. Clearly that is the case because the person in the stall next to you also decided to follow the "if it's yellow, let it mellow" mantra. That might fly at your nasty house, with your nasty friends, but it is not okay to do that in a public place where other people could very easily catch whatever it is you are throwing.
You are worse than Typhoid Mary. You are even worse than the guy who coughs on the airplane. They weren't really in control of what happened. You were. You could have easily pushed the MUTE button and flushed. You could have looked before you left. I stopped using the bathroom on the other side to get away from you, but it seems you have found your way to my new spot. I suggest you either go back or start acting right because if I find out who you are I am going to call you out for real.
It's on Nasty!
I don't know who you are, but you "got that nasty woman's disease." No, I don't mean that kind that you need penicillin for, but the kind that needs to be called out publicly. How dare you think it is okay to go to the bathroom and not flush the toilet? Where were you raised? People raised in a barn may leave the door open or leave things on the floor, but even they know to flush. I mean, seriously, I saw a cat flush on You Tube. What is your problem? You probably didn't even wash your hands. I have no reason to expect anything else besides nastiness in that area of your life as well.
What was the matter? Were you on the phone and didn't want them to know? Thought the flush might give it away and leave you embarrassed? Well, I've got news for you Lady. They already knew from the echo that you were on the phone. So, you might as well do us all a favor and clean up behind yourself. Did you think that this was like the airport and it would flush automatically? (I figured they were created for germaphobes because what kind of idiot/lazy person needed an automatic flush. Thank you for clearing that up) Well, when you didn't hear anything you should have looked for that little button and you would have noticed the handle. That means it is a manual flush and you were going to have to make it happen on your own. Do you know how much damage you almost caused. When I walked into the stall and saw that it was full, I almost threw up on the spot, which I am sure would have led to something else.
Your actions effect other people. Clearly that is the case because the person in the stall next to you also decided to follow the "if it's yellow, let it mellow" mantra. That might fly at your nasty house, with your nasty friends, but it is not okay to do that in a public place where other people could very easily catch whatever it is you are throwing.
You are worse than Typhoid Mary. You are even worse than the guy who coughs on the airplane. They weren't really in control of what happened. You were. You could have easily pushed the MUTE button and flushed. You could have looked before you left. I stopped using the bathroom on the other side to get away from you, but it seems you have found your way to my new spot. I suggest you either go back or start acting right because if I find out who you are I am going to call you out for real.
It's on Nasty!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Hey
I would like to start by saying, "Welcome back," to my collar bone. It is nice to see you again. I can hardly wait until my abs come out of hiding.
Yesterday was not my best day. I have been having one of those weeks where I keep letting little things get to me. I knew it was bad when I truly considered keying the car of the guy who stole my parking space on Tuesday morning. I would like to thank God for reminding me that I am an adult and that keying a car is not appropriate adult behavior, but will send me to adult jail. I would also like to thank JJ Santana for driving by as I got out of my car because it also helped me realize that throwing a tantrum and keying a car in the company parking lot would be embarrassing.
I think I actually reached my limit yesterday (that is right, thoughts of keying a car were not the low point) when in the midst of my holding back tears and holding in screams of "I QUIT" I got a Jesus pep talk from my father- King of the Backsliders. Here is a man who has not been either in church or awake in church for months giving me the "you need Jesus" talk and he was right.
If I am going to continue to work at my current office, I am going to need to double down on the Jesus time. So that is my new plan. My strategy is pretty simple. I will get at least one Bible verse for each of my recurring issues.
The next time someone steals my spot or lets the elevator close even though they see me coming, I am going remember that :Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."Romans 12:18-20
The next time I am feeling down about how I look because of some idiot comment. I will remember that "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."Psalm 139:13-15
The next time I open one of my many bills or get another "courtesy" balance notification instead of questioning and making myself crazy with worry I am going to take a more zen approach and remember "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life[a]? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. " Luke 12:25-27
I hope this helps me, but I decided to share because I hope it helps someone else calm down too. I know that I have worked to hard and am too far removed from my ghetto roots to go to jail now. It is like I said before, people don't have to believe, but they need to thank God that I do.
Yesterday was not my best day. I have been having one of those weeks where I keep letting little things get to me. I knew it was bad when I truly considered keying the car of the guy who stole my parking space on Tuesday morning. I would like to thank God for reminding me that I am an adult and that keying a car is not appropriate adult behavior, but will send me to adult jail. I would also like to thank JJ Santana for driving by as I got out of my car because it also helped me realize that throwing a tantrum and keying a car in the company parking lot would be embarrassing.
I think I actually reached my limit yesterday (that is right, thoughts of keying a car were not the low point) when in the midst of my holding back tears and holding in screams of "I QUIT" I got a Jesus pep talk from my father- King of the Backsliders. Here is a man who has not been either in church or awake in church for months giving me the "you need Jesus" talk and he was right.
If I am going to continue to work at my current office, I am going to need to double down on the Jesus time. So that is my new plan. My strategy is pretty simple. I will get at least one Bible verse for each of my recurring issues.
The next time someone steals my spot or lets the elevator close even though they see me coming, I am going remember that :Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."Romans 12:18-20
The next time I am feeling down about how I look because of some idiot comment. I will remember that "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."Psalm 139:13-15
The next time I open one of my many bills or get another "courtesy" balance notification instead of questioning and making myself crazy with worry I am going to take a more zen approach and remember "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life[a]? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. " Luke 12:25-27
I hope this helps me, but I decided to share because I hope it helps someone else calm down too. I know that I have worked to hard and am too far removed from my ghetto roots to go to jail now. It is like I said before, people don't have to believe, but they need to thank God that I do.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
33 More Pounds
I weighed myself today. This is a big deal because I don't actually own a scale. I do, however, have a Wii Fit and it does the weight and body mass index. Those of you who have read this blog before know that the Wii Fit and I have a contentious relationship. I generally take issue with it's lack of concern for my feelings when presenting the truth of my situation. Yes, I am overweight. No, I do not want it thrown in my face by having the machine turn my perfectly proportioned rendition of myself into a portly egg-shaped version with waist bigger than the already disproportionately large head.
I just knew that today would be different. I have been running and eating healthy. I am feeling good and my clothes are fitting better. So despite my running a little behind schedule, I was determined to weigh myself for tangible proof that my hard work was not in vain. I find the balance board in the back of the bonus room where it had been banished for the harsh words used last time. (It called me OBESE and while that may have been true, the corner was the least destructive place I thought to put it.)
I took it to the living room and turned it on as I prepared LoLo's morning oatmeal. I walk in the room ready to come face to face with my nemesis the FAT Mii (a Mii is the virtual you created for the Wii). I push the button, but there is no blue light. I push it frantically with my foot, but nothing. The batteries are dead. ARGH! I run upstairs to the bonus room because I know there are batteries somewhere in this house. I saw just saw them last night, but of course I don't see them now. I run into the bedroom and ask husband. He says they are in the kitchen. I run out before he can even end his sentence and find them on the kitchen desk like he said. Unfortunately, I passed them twice in my hurry. I get the batteries in and take a few deep breaths as I ready myself again.
WHAT?!? I need to take a body test. I don't have time for this I just want to know how much I weigh. I take the test and find out that I am off balance. This is clearly a test of my mental state more than the alignment of my spine. Then comes the moment of truth. It asks how much my clothes weigh. I go for honesty and chose 1 pound. Did I mention that I am still in my nightgown despite it being after 6:30 and I am supposed to leave the house at 7:30 and both my kids are still in bed sleeping? I forget all of this as it says "Processing". I hold my breath.
I must have changed the settings because it doesn't give my weight right away. It does say that my BMI is down and wait, do my eyes deceive me? I have gone from Obese to Overweight. I have never been so excited to see myself listed as overweight. They even let my Mii shrink a couple pant sizes. Hooray, but how much do I weigh? I figure out how to switch the view and... I LOST 9 POUNDS!!! Woo Hoo!! Progress feels good. I feel like one of the contestants on The Biggest Loser. I run upstairs to tell husband the good news.
I am so excited that I somehow get myself together, get my kids clean and dressed out the door by 7:36. (I did have to come back after dropping LoLo off because I forgot to put the right shoes on, but that is a story for another blog entry.) I knew I had lost weight. Then I thought about all those people who commented on noticing how fat I had gotten. Where were they now that I was losing weight? Where was their insightful commentary now? Why is it they were so free with the negative, but not one person has said that I look slimmer, healthier or like I lost a single pound? Nope, the only positive comment thus far has come from the most unlikely place- My Wii.
I may just let it live after all.
I just knew that today would be different. I have been running and eating healthy. I am feeling good and my clothes are fitting better. So despite my running a little behind schedule, I was determined to weigh myself for tangible proof that my hard work was not in vain. I find the balance board in the back of the bonus room where it had been banished for the harsh words used last time. (It called me OBESE and while that may have been true, the corner was the least destructive place I thought to put it.)
I took it to the living room and turned it on as I prepared LoLo's morning oatmeal. I walk in the room ready to come face to face with my nemesis the FAT Mii (a Mii is the virtual you created for the Wii). I push the button, but there is no blue light. I push it frantically with my foot, but nothing. The batteries are dead. ARGH! I run upstairs to the bonus room because I know there are batteries somewhere in this house. I saw just saw them last night, but of course I don't see them now. I run into the bedroom and ask husband. He says they are in the kitchen. I run out before he can even end his sentence and find them on the kitchen desk like he said. Unfortunately, I passed them twice in my hurry. I get the batteries in and take a few deep breaths as I ready myself again.
WHAT?!? I need to take a body test. I don't have time for this I just want to know how much I weigh. I take the test and find out that I am off balance. This is clearly a test of my mental state more than the alignment of my spine. Then comes the moment of truth. It asks how much my clothes weigh. I go for honesty and chose 1 pound. Did I mention that I am still in my nightgown despite it being after 6:30 and I am supposed to leave the house at 7:30 and both my kids are still in bed sleeping? I forget all of this as it says "Processing". I hold my breath.
I must have changed the settings because it doesn't give my weight right away. It does say that my BMI is down and wait, do my eyes deceive me? I have gone from Obese to Overweight. I have never been so excited to see myself listed as overweight. They even let my Mii shrink a couple pant sizes. Hooray, but how much do I weigh? I figure out how to switch the view and... I LOST 9 POUNDS!!! Woo Hoo!! Progress feels good. I feel like one of the contestants on The Biggest Loser. I run upstairs to tell husband the good news.
I am so excited that I somehow get myself together, get my kids clean and dressed out the door by 7:36. (I did have to come back after dropping LoLo off because I forgot to put the right shoes on, but that is a story for another blog entry.) I knew I had lost weight. Then I thought about all those people who commented on noticing how fat I had gotten. Where were they now that I was losing weight? Where was their insightful commentary now? Why is it they were so free with the negative, but not one person has said that I look slimmer, healthier or like I lost a single pound? Nope, the only positive comment thus far has come from the most unlikely place- My Wii.
I may just let it live after all.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Been Thinking
I have been letting my thoughts wander more than usual and a couple of thoughts keep coming up. Like, why is it that I could not get a temporary handicapped parking sticker while I was on maternity leave. If I am short-term or not, I have been labeled as disabled and should be allowed to park closer at the mall and grocery store.
In light of the election year politics, I have also been wondering a lot about how my faith fits with my politics. Since moving to this region of the county it has become clear to me that I am the worse "Conservative Christian" in the country. I am pro-choice, anti-death penalty, anti-war, pro-gay marriage, and a proponent for taxing rich people fairly. I am also for the separation of church and state with regard to matters of law. I am, however, in favor of allowing prayer in schools (as long as it is not mandatory) and for the allowance of government funding of faith based community programs. I just don't understand how someone can be pro-life and then think it is OK to execute someone. I am not pro-choice because I agree with the choice, but I don't want young girls making poor decisions in back alleys without proper medical care. I also don't know how you expect to win people to Christ by discriminating against and hating on them. It is our job to love and His job to fix. If homosexuality is wrong, He will take care of it. If you really believe Him to be God then you believe He is capable, right? So, stay in your lane and leave the judgement to Him.
I have also been trying to figure out when feminist became a dirty word. Why is it wrong to believe that women should aspire to be more than a vapid, big breasted, trash talking, expression of juvenile sexual fantasy laid out on TV and magazines for public scrutiny and consumption? If that is what you want to be I can't stop you, but what about the other side of the coin. What about showing women who make money because they went to school, develop medicines, and change lives. I have nothing against Kardashians, but I would love to see a famous woman on my TV who did not do it with the"use what you got to get what you want" (to quote Playas Club) mentality. I am over it. I just want little girls to dream of being something real again. Even if it is being a housewife. I want her to understand that means actually being someone's wife and living in the house with them and taking care of the house and those who live in it. Housewife is a real job when there are no cameras. I am a feminist. I think every woman should chose her own path and not be penalized for her choices, as long as they were made freely. I don't, however, agree with the one sided portrayal of womanhood. From my television vantage point you are either version of Paris Hilton (the size, age, and ethnicity might be different, but they are all the same if you think about it.) or you are Rachel Maddow (she is great, but there is a lot of grey between those two.).
This is usually the point where things get to deep for me and I start to wonder which character in Once Upon A Time I would be. I would love to think that I would be one of the princesses, but I am starting to think that I will end up being Artie/Jimminy Cricket and that makes me sad and I quit thinking.
In light of the election year politics, I have also been wondering a lot about how my faith fits with my politics. Since moving to this region of the county it has become clear to me that I am the worse "Conservative Christian" in the country. I am pro-choice, anti-death penalty, anti-war, pro-gay marriage, and a proponent for taxing rich people fairly. I am also for the separation of church and state with regard to matters of law. I am, however, in favor of allowing prayer in schools (as long as it is not mandatory) and for the allowance of government funding of faith based community programs. I just don't understand how someone can be pro-life and then think it is OK to execute someone. I am not pro-choice because I agree with the choice, but I don't want young girls making poor decisions in back alleys without proper medical care. I also don't know how you expect to win people to Christ by discriminating against and hating on them. It is our job to love and His job to fix. If homosexuality is wrong, He will take care of it. If you really believe Him to be God then you believe He is capable, right? So, stay in your lane and leave the judgement to Him.
I have also been trying to figure out when feminist became a dirty word. Why is it wrong to believe that women should aspire to be more than a vapid, big breasted, trash talking, expression of juvenile sexual fantasy laid out on TV and magazines for public scrutiny and consumption? If that is what you want to be I can't stop you, but what about the other side of the coin. What about showing women who make money because they went to school, develop medicines, and change lives. I have nothing against Kardashians, but I would love to see a famous woman on my TV who did not do it with the"use what you got to get what you want" (to quote Playas Club) mentality. I am over it. I just want little girls to dream of being something real again. Even if it is being a housewife. I want her to understand that means actually being someone's wife and living in the house with them and taking care of the house and those who live in it. Housewife is a real job when there are no cameras. I am a feminist. I think every woman should chose her own path and not be penalized for her choices, as long as they were made freely. I don't, however, agree with the one sided portrayal of womanhood. From my television vantage point you are either version of Paris Hilton (the size, age, and ethnicity might be different, but they are all the same if you think about it.) or you are Rachel Maddow (she is great, but there is a lot of grey between those two.).
This is usually the point where things get to deep for me and I start to wonder which character in Once Upon A Time I would be. I would love to think that I would be one of the princesses, but I am starting to think that I will end up being Artie/Jimminy Cricket and that makes me sad and I quit thinking.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Crazy as Hell
It is either me or them, but someone in this office is CRAZY AS HELL! I am still convinced that people must know about my resolution to be a nicer, kinder, better person and because they have quit on their resolution they are trying to force me to quit mine. They don't know what they are asking for. I have decided not to talk for the rest of the work day in an effort to save both my job and someone's life. I am trying my hardest to keep it together, but I clearly see that it is about to go down.
Let me tell you what has been going on. First, Boss Lady is trippin' again. She has now started looking over my cubicle wall to see who is calling me. There is no reason for her to be doing this because I answer her phone when she is not in the office and if you are standing in an open area in front of my cubicle I know you are not in the office and will, therefore, answer your phone. Stop being nosy! To make things more interesting albeit more annoying she almost ran into the wall the other day because she was too busy trying to see what I was doing on my computer to watch where she was going. In case you are curious, I was writing an email. Normally, that would be what was bothering me and I can handle that.
The boss that I like the least will henceforth be referred to as Face because while I have discovered no discernible talent or reason for his employment I have been told by other's (whose judgement is questionable to say the least) that he is handsome. Face has started coming and asking me to do the most benign tasks and has begun trying to engage me in small talk that really just a series of awkward exchanges because it is clear that neither one of us is enjoying it. While irritating, this is still not what has me hot under the collar.
No, today I am upset about something much more sinister. The lying and manipulation of my time and good will. I am not mean-spirited and as a former receptionist I empathize with those who have to get coverage to go to the bathroom or eat and will gladly help out when I can. I, however, do not tolerate people who mistake that kindness for weakness. A coworker, who was sitting at reception, asked if I could cover so she could go to the bathroom and vending machine. "5 minutes," she says. No problem. Then this chick disappears for virtually 10 minutes with no explanation. She comes back to the desk and runs off again muttering something about a piece of paper and eating. Then she comes back again to look in her purse and runs off. 30 minutes later I am still sitting the front. Smooth, the coworker who also covers the desk sometimes, walks by and says that this same person often pulls that trick on him and that he just saw her chatting it up at her desk.
"OH, HELL NO", says the voice in my head. I wait for him to leave and I call her. She pretends like she forgot. She really can't be serious. I know she does not think that I am that stupid or that she is that clever. She comes back and thanks me for helping her and says, "It seems everyone wants something, you should understand that." She is crazy as HELL if she thinks that we are going to bond over her trying to trick me! Do I look like BooBoo the Fool? Then she continued with, " I know not to eat lunch on that side again." LUNCH!?! WHAT! You told me you were going to the bathroom and the vending machine. At no point did you say anything about lunch or working from your desk. Why couldn't you just be straight up and ask me to sit for an hour? I HATE when people try to play me and she just wrote herself out of my good graces. Next time I don't care if she pees in her shoe. I am NOT going up there. She did it to the wrong one and she is CRAZY AS HELL if she thinks I am going to let her get me again.
It is like George W. says in Fahrenheit 911 "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice...you won't fool me again." Except once is enough for me!
Let me tell you what has been going on. First, Boss Lady is trippin' again. She has now started looking over my cubicle wall to see who is calling me. There is no reason for her to be doing this because I answer her phone when she is not in the office and if you are standing in an open area in front of my cubicle I know you are not in the office and will, therefore, answer your phone. Stop being nosy! To make things more interesting albeit more annoying she almost ran into the wall the other day because she was too busy trying to see what I was doing on my computer to watch where she was going. In case you are curious, I was writing an email. Normally, that would be what was bothering me and I can handle that.
The boss that I like the least will henceforth be referred to as Face because while I have discovered no discernible talent or reason for his employment I have been told by other's (whose judgement is questionable to say the least) that he is handsome. Face has started coming and asking me to do the most benign tasks and has begun trying to engage me in small talk that really just a series of awkward exchanges because it is clear that neither one of us is enjoying it. While irritating, this is still not what has me hot under the collar.
No, today I am upset about something much more sinister. The lying and manipulation of my time and good will. I am not mean-spirited and as a former receptionist I empathize with those who have to get coverage to go to the bathroom or eat and will gladly help out when I can. I, however, do not tolerate people who mistake that kindness for weakness. A coworker, who was sitting at reception, asked if I could cover so she could go to the bathroom and vending machine. "5 minutes," she says. No problem. Then this chick disappears for virtually 10 minutes with no explanation. She comes back to the desk and runs off again muttering something about a piece of paper and eating. Then she comes back again to look in her purse and runs off. 30 minutes later I am still sitting the front. Smooth, the coworker who also covers the desk sometimes, walks by and says that this same person often pulls that trick on him and that he just saw her chatting it up at her desk.
"OH, HELL NO", says the voice in my head. I wait for him to leave and I call her. She pretends like she forgot. She really can't be serious. I know she does not think that I am that stupid or that she is that clever. She comes back and thanks me for helping her and says, "It seems everyone wants something, you should understand that." She is crazy as HELL if she thinks that we are going to bond over her trying to trick me! Do I look like BooBoo the Fool? Then she continued with, " I know not to eat lunch on that side again." LUNCH!?! WHAT! You told me you were going to the bathroom and the vending machine. At no point did you say anything about lunch or working from your desk. Why couldn't you just be straight up and ask me to sit for an hour? I HATE when people try to play me and she just wrote herself out of my good graces. Next time I don't care if she pees in her shoe. I am NOT going up there. She did it to the wrong one and she is CRAZY AS HELL if she thinks I am going to let her get me again.
It is like George W. says in Fahrenheit 911 "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice...you won't fool me again." Except once is enough for me!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)