Black Card

No, American Express did not have a temporary lapse in good judgement and give me one of the coveted "NO limit" cards that you could use to buy a house. I am talking about my, "Say it LOUD! I'm BLACK and I'm PROUD!" card. I can only imagine considering the number or dumb things I see white people, Latinos, and Asians do that every other group has those same moments. The moments when you could wear a t-shirt that says something like, "We ALL aren't like that" or "I think he is an idiot, too".

I would speculate that my white friends feel a similar pang of "REALLY?" when people like Pat Buchanan write books with chapter titles like "The End of White America". Come on. How can it end? Are all white people going to cease to exist in America? As long as there are white people in America, there will be a "White America" and there are enough people hell bent on 'purity' to make sure that will not be a problem. Speaking realistically, because I don't advocate the procreation of supremacists, wouldn't someone who is afraid of the end of their culture be better served by advocating more baby-making instead of writing inflammatory literature. If he wants to ensure a future for his "White America" he should put down the pen and crank up some Robin Thicke or Jon B. and start making it happen. Mostly I wish he would sit down somewhere and stop embarrassing my friends. (That message also goes for those crazy protesters in Hazelton, PA acting like it's 1957 and immigrants are the Little Rock Nine. It wasn't cute then and it is even less ok now that we are supposed to know better.)

One of the things that makes me want to give in my membership card is when I see my people play directly into the stereotypes. I am sure many Asians and Asian-Americans felt the same way when they saw one of their own in the Pete Hoekstra Super Bowl campaign ad. It was ridiculous and makes you wonder how anyone, but the actress in particular could have thought this was ok. I know she is an actress and probably needed the paycheck and exposure, but speaking broken English while riding through a rice field. All I could think was for real, "Where they do that at?". (See how I played into the stereotype of a black girl speaking Ebony Phonics - remember Ebonics.) I digress. The point is that somethings are better kept in house. Yes. There are people who have difficulty speaking English as a 2nd language and yes, I have moments when I talk like I still live by the Ave, but that is not how I want to be represented politically. Stop selling out or you will be no better than the "Love you long time" girl in the background of the 2 Live Crew song. (You know the one. You are singing it right now, aren't you. Cut it out!)

Lastly, black people...I beg you to cut out the nonsense. Please stop making up words. Conversate is not in the dictionary (For the record, the word is converse). This means that it is not to be used at job interviews or in your school essays. Please stop picking letters and symbols at random to name our children. Stop talking crazy into your cell phone loud enough for everyone in the grocery store to know that some chick is after your man because you told her he knows how to hit that spot. Stop pretending like tights are pants. Stop letting your daughters "ho" themselves out for attention because you are too busy "trying to do you". Stop telling people that it is OK because "weed is from the earth". It is still illegal. (Yes, even in California. It is against FEDERAL law.)

Stop treating literacy and school like a disease. Stop going on TV, this includes the news, without your teeth.

Stop getting so many tattoos that you look like a fungus has covered your torso. Stop taking your kids to the tattoo parlor and for the love of God, PLEASE stop tattooing above your collar bone. Stop making the NBA, NFL, and record deals seems like the ONLY valid career options. Stop trying to make the shenanigans on Basketball Wives, RHO Atlanta, Love and Hip-Hop and whatever else look like the norm. The only appeal of these shows should be because their behavior is exaggerated. They are not a lifestyle guide. The same way we laugh at the girl who tries to escape the murderer in the rain while wearing a white t-shirt and high heels after she "inspected" the noise in the basement, we should be laughing not trying to join.

I cannot tell you how many times I have turned on BET or TV One only to be greeted with images that make me want to hang my head. I know that Lil' Wayne needs to eat and pay his child support just like every other baby Daddy, but I just wish he could at least look like he took a shower or brushed his teeth. I wish he could just talk like he might have read a book - just once. I know he can't be as dumb as he looks. He is clearly a marketing genius to have made something so gross (no offense, if that is possible) appealing to so many. I mean, really, he looks kind of like a drunk muppet. Again, no offense. He is not the only offender and he should not be penalized for representing a small set of the population. I just wish his image did not take up so much of the mainstream media shine.

I am proudly from a neighborhood that gave the world LL Cool J, the Fat Boys, 50 Cent and Nicki Minaj. I am from the only place I have ever seen a synagogue be converted into a Baptist church. I have no problem with Hip-Hop culture and love being black and like Jerry Maguire, "I LOVE black people". Most of the idiosycracies of black culture did not even register to me until I went to college and learned that people really think that we are like what they see on TV and I realized that in many ways one of us represents all of us. It is with that in mind that I present one small request.

Basically, stop embarrassing ME!