Crazy as Hell

It is either me or them, but someone in this office is CRAZY AS HELL! I am still convinced that people must know about my resolution to be a nicer, kinder, better person and because they have quit on their resolution they are trying to force me to quit mine. They don't know what they are asking for. I have decided not to talk for the rest of the work day in an effort to save both my job and someone's life. I am trying my hardest to keep it together, but I clearly see that it is about to go down.

Let me tell you what has been going on. First, Boss Lady is trippin' again. She has now started looking over my cubicle wall to see who is calling me. There is no reason for her to be doing this because I answer her phone when she is not in the office and if you are standing in an open area in front of my cubicle I know you are not in the office and will, therefore, answer your phone. Stop being nosy! To make things more interesting albeit more annoying she almost ran into the wall the other day because she was too busy trying to see what I was doing on my computer to watch where she was going. In case you are curious, I was writing an email. Normally, that would be what was bothering me and I can handle that.

The boss that I like the least will henceforth be referred to as Face because while I have discovered no discernible talent or reason for his employment I have been told by other's (whose judgement is questionable to say the least) that he is handsome. Face has started coming and asking me to do the most benign tasks and has begun trying to engage me in small talk that really just a series of awkward exchanges because it is clear that neither one of us is enjoying it. While irritating, this is still not what has me hot under the collar.

No, today I am upset about something much more sinister. The lying and manipulation of my time and good will. I am not mean-spirited and as a former receptionist I empathize with those who have to get coverage to go to the bathroom or eat and will gladly help out when I can. I, however, do not tolerate people who mistake that kindness for weakness. A coworker, who was sitting at reception, asked if I could cover so she could go to the bathroom and vending machine. "5 minutes," she says. No problem. Then this chick disappears for virtually 10 minutes with no explanation. She comes back to the desk and runs off again muttering something about a piece of paper and eating. Then she comes back again to look in her purse and runs off. 30 minutes later I am still sitting the front. Smooth, the coworker who also covers the desk sometimes, walks by and says that this same person often pulls that trick on him and that he just saw her chatting it up at her desk.

"OH, HELL NO", says the voice in my head. I wait for him to leave and I call her. She pretends like she forgot. She really can't be serious. I know she does not think that I am that stupid or that she is that clever. She comes back and thanks me for helping her and says, "It seems everyone wants something, you should understand that." She is crazy as HELL if she thinks that we are going to bond over her trying to trick me! Do I look like BooBoo the Fool? Then she continued with, " I know not to eat lunch on that side again." LUNCH!?! WHAT! You told me you were going to the bathroom and the vending machine. At no point did you say anything about lunch or working from your desk. Why couldn't you just be straight up and ask me to sit for an hour? I HATE when people try to play me and she just wrote herself out of my good graces. Next time I don't care if she pees in her shoe. I am NOT going up there. She did it to the wrong one and she is CRAZY AS HELL if she thinks I am going to let her get me again.

It is like George W. says in Fahrenheit 911 "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice...you won't fool me again." Except once is enough for me!