Outgrown

I have a friendship with a girl that I will call Philly that I believe is reaching it's expiration date.  We have been friends since the late 1990's, so I do not take lightly. I really value friendship and have been known to hold onto people who like milk, have gone bad. Only instead of stinking up my fridge, hanging with them leaves me feeling rancid and they just seem moldy and unappealing.

I have had many "friends" come and go. Some were epic meltdowns and some were just the gradual waining that comes with time. I have been saddened by some (usually if it was someone that I seem to have just lost touch with. I am big on closure.) and relieved at the ejection of others, but overall I have not spent much time thinking about past friends. So, what would make this one different?

First, I thought she would be one of my "forever" friends. There are not many people with whom I can visualize a 30 minute conversation, much less a lifelong friendship. She was one of those. We were different enough to be interesting to each other, but similar in terms of values and overall life views. We were each going to take the world by storm in our own ways and enjoy telling each other all about it.

I did not realize at the time, but I think everything started to change between us when I got engaged. Her relationship with her longtime honey did not work out. I quit grad school (I later went back and finished), got married, moved away, had kids and got back together with Jesus. She finished her Ph.D, went off on a post-breakup "Kissing Bandit" spree, moved in with friends, and started her career. Now most of our conversation seems to center around me trying to prove that I am still "down" and her feigning interest in my domestic life. There are also some subtle hints that she may believe that she is either smarter or better than me.

The major issue is that I think instead of bringing out the best in each other and highlighting our own indivdual awesomeness we now spark each other's insecurities. I think we see each other and wonder if we made the right choices. Should I have waited to get married? Will she become an old maid because she put her career first? It is so hard to know if the life you have is what you really want when the grass always looks greener on the other side.

But now our conversations are so stilted and awkward. We are just not in the same place anymore and we are not growing together. We no longer understand each other's life choices. It really hurts me to say it, but I think we have "OUTGROWN" each other...

And it sucks!!!(like a sailor!)