Therapy + Friends

I have got to remember NOT to use paradoxical intervention on my friends. You would think I would have learned this lesson by know, but I did it yesterday. Lotus was telling me about her current guy friend and telling about their weekend of small tiffs. I am sure that normal people would say something supportive or tell her that little arguments don't mean anything, but NOT ME! No, I say, "What is the point of this relationship?" I know what you are probably thinking, but I don't mean any harm. I simply ask all my patients the same kind of questions so that they can evaluate what it is that they want versus what it is that they have or are getting.

While this may be great for therapy, it is not good for friend to friend interactions. I knew that I was wrong when I started because I felt the need to preface it by saying, "I don't mean to be a relationship Scrooge, but..." That knowing was only made more poignant when I saw the look of "REALLY" on Lotus' face. I tried to recover, but it was too late. The damage was done. I could have done what I normally do in therapy sessions, but it is wrong, awkward and highly unethical to therapize (just made that up) your friends.

This is not the first time I have pulled therapy tricks on my friends. I do it to Mallow all the time. Most of the time she knows, so I don't feel badly. I do it to Chyna, but she pays me no attention and does whatever she wants anyway. Lotus is not like that and so I say sorry for using confrontation techniques on you during lunch. That was not okay.

I do, however, have some thoughts. First, it is a good sign that you wanted to come to his defense. That would indicate that you feel invested and want it to work, but the fact that you have no plans for how this relationship is going to go worries me. It would seem like you are hoping for something to work even though you know it is not quite right. I know that most of these things seem small now, but small irritations grow into big problems if they aren't confronted. (Remember The 3 Steps to Breakup? They are real.) The question is always whether the person you are with is worth the time being invested even if you breakup.

I just want everyone to be aware of both what they really want and what they really have. That is the only way to bridge the gap between the two.