Embrace It

I think I may have have my first 30's epiphany. I don't know if you all remember, but I had a little bit of a tantrum about how 30 was totally overrated. I was totally let down that I did not suddenly feel comfortable in my own skin and feel like a deeper and more grounded person. I felt exactly the same. Actually, worse because I kept thinking that I was missing some special 30's enlightenment.

Well, ladies and gentleman, it has finally happened and I am SO excited. Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I felt completely like myself. I was comfortable with my hair, face, body, clothes, and attitude. I was genuinely in a good place. Even my spirit felt settled. I felt truly like myself and when I thought about it, it made so much sense.

My hair was in curls and parted a little crooked, but mostly down the middle. It was clean and despite using too much conditioner, looking pretty good. I actually got a compliment from some random guy in the elevator. (Much better than the comments I usually get asking if I'm pregnant.) I had on one of the few bras that fit me and the girls were looking kind of perky. (A major accomplishment for a woman who breastfed two babies.) I had on a cute white tee, black pants, a nice ruched purple cardigan, and my blue python print style ballet flats. I capped it off with the Bible charm necklace that I got from my Daddy. (It is my favorite gift ever and even more special since my Husband and babies replaced the chain after I broke it. Now it is a gift from all my favorite people.)

The outfit was totally me and I felt great in it. It did not matter what anyone else thought and that was when the revelation hit me. This was not an outfit that my mother or most of my friends would wear or approve of and it is certainly not an outfit that would go over well in the neighborhood I grew up in, but it suits me to a tee. I just need to embrace it.

If you have ever seen the movie Belly with DMX and Nas, you have seen the neighborhood I grew up in. I am proud of where I grew up and carry it with me everywhere, but in many ways I never quite fit the mold. I grew up listening to country and rock with my R&B and gospel. My mother bought me Jones of New York when everyone else was rocking FUBU. I love my Reebok classics and wore them even after everyone switched to Jordans, but that did not mean that I did not want to fit in. I fought my natural instincts and wore many of the same styles as all the other girls around me. It made me blend, but never really made me feel good.

I wish I had known then what I know now. I would have worn my Polo Skippie's and never worn a baggy Tommy Hilfiger shirt. While it looked good on those other girls, it is just not my style. I need to embrace my classic cut eyelet wearing nautical loving mis-matched , but the colors work together preppy lost in the hood with a dash of reformed hot-girl self. (Trust me, it works in an outfit and makes me a really fun friend too.) I need to embrace my style the same way I have worked to embrace my curls. I mean, I went a whole summer without shaving my legs, accepting that I like to "rock a lot of polka dots" should be easy, right?

I'll let you know.