Real Problems

A 77 year old man killed himself in front of the Greek parliament with a suicide note that included the statement "I'd rather die than scrounge for food". We are in the middle of our own election fever in this country and a young Trayvon Martin's death has brought renewed attention to the continued racial strife in our country. My best friend in the entire world told me that her dad went to the hospital last night with what in my experience with my own father sounds like a stroke. (My dad has had 1 big one and 2 or 3, depending on who you ask, smaller ones) That gives a girl a lot to think about. I also am working 2 jobs, mothering 2 children, and going for my professional license. Add to that the fact that I somehow lost the remote to the televisions in both the "Mommy/Daddy" room and the Living/Family room and you would think that I would too busy to bother with my insecurities.

Well not only would you be wrong, but such thoughts would suggest that you do not know me very well AT ALL. I am remarkably shallow. At the moment, I would like to think of it as a defense mechanism. I will not have to think of all the other things going on around me if I just retreat into myself and my own minutia. My first reaction to any unexpected news is to reframe it to how it would effect me and then branch my thinking into how others must be feeling based on how much closer or how far removed they are in comparison to me.

With all that I just mentioned and more, including an small spat with Husband about his unwillingness to let the children travel without one of us. I think it is crazy because we are too busy to go anywhere and my Grandmother is bedridden and cannot travel to see them. (Clearly I am petitioning for them to go with my mother and will get off my soap box in order to get through this post.) By the time I went to bed last night my mind was so numb that I watched a PBS special on the elements of the periodic table. This will astonish anyone who knows me REALLY well because chemistry is the one class that I almost failed and the only Regents exam I failed. Not to excuse myself completely, but I would like to mention that my high school chemistry teacher was later fired for incompetence. That gave me a slight sense of validation.

I went to bed with a mind full of "what ifs", doubts, and worries that I tried to pray away. Not to mention a serious breathing issue due to my sinuses. You would think that would have been what was on my mind this morning, but nope. God answers prayer because none of those worries were present.

When I got up this morning I had only two concerns.

1. How in the world could the scale at my doctor's office say that I haven't lost any weight? I might as well eat crap if that is the case.
2. What in the world am I going to do about my hair? It is now BEYOND out of control and veering toward scary. I may have to get insurance before I get it done, just in case someone loses a finger or it attacks passersby.

I will admit that I am shallow, but the perk is that I don't have a worry line in sight. Feel free to revel in how much better you are as a person. I don't mind at all. It is the least I could do for you. Consider it a gift!