Do Better

That should be my motto.

I have got to start doing better. I need to get focused and back on track, but not today. The problem is that I have no idea what I am supposed to be focused on.  I am starting to really question what it is that I want out of life and I am not coming up with many answers.

I miss the days when hanging out with friends at the mall counted as a legitimate goal. I used to believe in "The 5 Year Plan" and having strategies, but after having 2 kids, going back to school and working 2 jobs I would be impressed it I had the where-with-all to come up with a "What to do in the next 5 minutes Plan".

Seattle and I were just discussing how we missed the days when summer meant a vacation, hanging out, concerts and sleeping late. Now we think, "Summer, already? Damn it! I forgot to register for summer camp." That has become my daily existence in one way or another. I forgot about the picture form, his backpack, milk, blah, blah, blah.

It was so bad that when Mallow volunteered to watch the kids because she was sure we needed a break and some fun time, I could not think of a single fun thing to do. Don't get me wrong! I gave her my kids because I was sure I could think of something (I did not, but the silence was AMAZING!) I was amazed with how out of touch I had become. I had no idea what was playing at the movies, what restaurants were hot, or the cool spot to people watch.

It was like a scene from Encino Man or Austin Powers when the protagonist (I wanted to use a grown up word since I spend so much of my time talking to babies.) wakes to find that life has moved on is completely different than they remember. Did you know it is like 30-40 bucks to see a movie and that is before dinner. No wonder girls feel pressured to put out on a date. With prices like that you figure he must be serious about investing in a relationship. I am not sure how the conversation veered so off track.

The point is that I have gone from a pretty focused individual to someone just floating along with out any real plan for my life. The only things that I know for sure are:

1. I would like to stay married. (Having friends with relationship issues made me examine myself and Husband is a keeper.)
2. I would be perfectly happy serving desserts in a store front cafe and doing therapy with a handful of clients.
3. I REALLY need a good hair dresser.
4. I want to continue to streamline my life and clean out my closets.
5. I want to be a better parent than I am an employee. (I spend a great deal of time working and realized that I would much rather be defined/remembered as a great mom than as a great worker.)

I am not sure what to do with those thoughts, but I feel like there has to be a to do list in there somewhere. Basically, I just want to...

Do Better!