Real Talk

Husband and his friends used to end many a statement with the words, "That's real talk." They said it so that you and anybody who happened to be listening would know that the preceding statement was an unflinching truth. Well, I am about to let you in on some real talk Janaan style.

I am so sick of people telling me that I should be so overjoyed, excited, and grateful to be a mother of two "beautiful sweet babies" or that I should feel so accomplished and good about myself because of said babies and that I should consider having more. At the risk of sounding like a bad parent and a horrible mother, I just have to be real and say once and for all that while I love my children being a mother is not all "sunshine and roses" for me. I wish people would cut the crap and just tell it like it is or accept that I am not feeling the same glow that they felt and leave me be.

Real Talk:

1. Other than the fact that the number of times a day that I call on Him for help, becoming a mother did not bring me closer to God.
2. I can not say for sure that "I would not trade them for anything in the world' because to date I have not been offered anything in exchange for them.
3. I sometimes sit in my garage with my head on the steering wheel trying to figure out why I did this to myself and then give myself a pep talk before I enter my house.
4. There are days I seriously consider running away.
5. There is nothing heart-warming about potty training. NOTHING AT ALL!
6. I want to punch people in the face when they ask me why I don't want more kids. Dude, I have been up all night with a cranky baby and then had to bribe a toddler into going to a school where I pay for him to play, eat and take a nap. The last thing I want is MORE of that.
7. I giving up what from what I have read in women's magazines could be the best time of my life for self-discovery and self-indulgence to raise 2 people who in 10 years will cost more money than I could ever possible make and repeatedly point out how "uncool" I am, all with the hope that when I become incontinent they will pay someone to take care of me.
8. Having kids did not make me feel more sexy, more like a woman, or make me more aware of my body. Hell, it did not even get rid of my cramps. It gave me a C-section scar, a small pouch that I no longer have time to go to the gym to work on and a new bra size (that last one was a plus).
9. I have actually called to apologize to my mother. IF you do indeed reap what you sow, I must have done horrible things to that woman.
10. People who go on and on about how they wish they could have my kids really need to quit before I pack them up, leave them on the steps, ring the bell, and run away.
11. I don't go around showing pictures of my kids because I really wasn't that interested when you were showing yours and I refuse to to torture other people that way.

I know these are not popular views and the truth is that much of this was brought on by the fact that Suga did not sleep through the night and my son was being extra whiny this morning about his Transformers toothbrush, but truth be told I have felt this way for a long time. I love my kids and I will never have a more important job than being their mother, but lets not pretend like it is the most glamorous job. I am at heart a realist and for all it's awesome moments I must confess that there are moments when motherhood sucks. (See number 5)

I think that everyone who wants to be a mother should take the opportunity when it presents itself- unless you are a teenager. You need to get a life to mourn first because you will miss things that you used to do. I am just sick of people pressuring me and others about motherhood. I am sorry if I am not as enthusiastic and starry-eyed as you would as you would like me to be.

I am just laying out some REAL talk.