Honestly?

When I woke up this morning I thought I was going to write about my hair or what has finally motivated me to do ab workouts (for real this time- wink, wink) and not just run. Then I had a conversation with Lotus that changed everything. Don't worry loyal readers. I have not all of a sudden become deep or profound. I will total go back to my typically shallow conversation and self-centered babble, but today (for a moment) I want to talk about honesty.

News flash...people lie and not always because they are bad people, but sometimes because they know that we really don't want to know the truth. I pray a good deal and I still lie. I lied to myself earlier today when I told myself that I would learn to keep my thoughts to myself about my friends and their relationships. I knew it was a lie when I heard myself think it and Lotus knew it was a lie when she looked at me trying to listen without making any comments or asking any questions.

As we chatted about a friend and her guy, I found myself fighting the urge to jump in, but I surprised myself I did something that I rarely do. I listened from the beginning to end of the story without interrupting. That taught me something. I felt the same way at the end as I did at the beginning. Lesson: Listening is pointless! (I'm joking!)

What I did learn is that my issue with honesty extends beyond myself. I lied when I said I would keep my opinions to myself, but I also was not sure how honest I wanted to be about my opinions. I will blame what happened next on my ponytail being too tight and making impossible to filter my thoughts effectively. I just came out and said it. "She wants to breakup, but she doesn't want to admit it or hurt his feelings." That is not as exact quote, but you get the jist.

It felt good to say it. That or talking was loosing the aforementioned ponytail, which at this very moment is so tight that I am typing with my head tilted to one side, but I digress.

I thought about all the times I watched someone tell an obvious lie and wondered what was the point of even saying it because I was clearly not going to believe. Such was the case today. I knew as the words escaped my mouth that I was lying. I was going to say what I thought because that is what I always do and what my friends have come to expect even when they want me to go into counseling mode and "practice silence". (That really is a skill; I did not make that up.)

The thing is, I know when I am lying. I knew that keeping my opinion to myself was a pipe dream. I also have a pretty good idea when other people are lying and homegirl was lying when she said she doesn't want to break up. If he has to change to be the guy that you want to date/marry then he is not the guy you want to date/marry. If he is not the guy then you will sooner or later want to break-up. All the time in between is a waste and a delay of the inevitable. What she means is that she doesn't want to break up right now and I get the feeling he has sniffed out her lie of ommision and is acting out. The only person not in on the lie is our friend.

Does that make her the Kris Humpries in this mess? Honestly?