Mary J

My mother graduated college with a degree in music in the mid-1960's. (I am not allowed to give exact dates.) She LOVES music. She can sing in multiple languages, but is only fluent in English. Growing up I was the only little black girl I knew in Queens who could sing along to Randy Travis, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Aretha. I am still probably the only person from my block who can tell the difference between Bon Scott and Bono. (Big difference, HUGE.)

I grew up listening to everything and music has helped to shape so many of my memories. I remember I wanted to be Sandi Patty until I saw the album cover and realized she was blond and white. I decided I would rather sing like her than look like her. I knew that Aretha Franklin or James Cleveland on a Saturday morning meant my mother was cleaning. I knew that if my dad was singing Marvin Gaye he was trying to get out of the proverbial doghouse. Music was everywhere.

Like most girls my age, I grew up loving Whitney and Janet. I knew there songs and all their moves. I had brief love affairs with Jody Wately and played Sade until my parents started to worry. I also held my ear as I sang along with Mariah. There was nothing particularly ground breaking, but the music was fun and it made me feel good. I knew what I liked and these women presented it in just the right package. Life was good.

Then one day in 1992 I heard this sound and saw a video that rocked me to my core and changed my life forever. It was so simple..."dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun, duuunnn dun dun...dun dun dun". It was Real Love by Mary J Blige and it produced the most visceral reaction I have ever had to a song in my life. Even now as I am typing I feel that initial excitement. It was so fresh and new and felt so right. I knew that something special had just happened to me.

As I looked up to see what was going on I was met with that first sight of her and it was like the world opened up. She was AWESOME. I will always love Whitney, Janet, and Mariah, but they were never someone that I thought I could look like or talk to, but Mary looked like the girls I knew, just better. She looked like me, or at least I wanted to believe I looked. She looked like an "Around The Way Girl" for real. I could see her "standing at the bus stop sucking on a lollipop" and rocking "bamboo earrings, at least two pair".

She broke my world wide open. She in that one song, in that one video, let me know that I was okay just the way that I am. I did not have to look like someone else or sound like I was from somewhere else. I could be 'hood and still look like a woman. I could rock my combat boots with some short shorts. She showed me I did not have to hide my scars to be pretty and I loved her from the moment I saw her.

Mary has grown so much since then and I feel like I have grown with her. We have been through man problems (Not Goin Cry), Self Acceptance (Just Mary, All That I Can Say), Sadness (I Just Want To Be Happy, My Life), Growth (No More Drama), Love (Be With You) and Happiness/Joy (Just Fine, Good Love). When she sings I don't just sing along, I feel it. I feel like she understands. I feel less alone. I feel like it will be okay.

I have to thank Andre Harrell for finding and signing her. I have to thank Puffy for working with her. Most importantly I want to thank Mary for not being afraid to be her. To be that perfect mix of vulnerable and strong, transparent, but mysterious. I want to thank her for being with me from the beginning of my womanly understanding to now and for being there for wherever life takes us next.

Thanks, Mary.