I am a member of several groups. I am a woman. I am an Black-American. I am a Christian. (Holla if you love Jesus! I can't hear you...whatever. I am getting used to being alone on that one.) I am a wife. I am a mother. I, like many of you, am a multifaceted human being with numerous small group affiliations. I did notice, however, that no matter the group I tend to be listed as what can be termed "a minority". Some may argue that being a Christian in this country makes me a majority member in at least one context, but judging by the behavior of most of the "Christians" I meet there is clearly something wrong with the self-reporting process or the definition has been made so broad as to include anyone with a vague understanding of the Jesus Christ/Redemption story, but I digress.
I realized, while watching back to back episodes of a show called Love Addiction (It sucked me in hard and fast), that all of my groups have the same problem and it must be addressed. The problem is...they want other people to care about them more than they care about themselves. Yes, black people, I am talking to you. Yes, women, I am most definitely talking about you. Christians, you too!
If there is one thing that I have learned about people in groups it is that the group in charge is not going to give up control if they don't have to and it is easy to forget about those at the bottom when you are on the top. So, no I don't agree with Kanye when he says that George Bush doesn't care about black people. I don't think that he would intentionally cause the deaths and devastation to minorities and purposely an unhealthy chaotic environment that would result in mass dehydration and various atrocities. That would be terrible and I don't think that if it had been presented that way he would have taken that road. I do, however, believe that we have allowed ourselves to become an afterthought.
We have allowed our neighborhoods to become overrun with businesses that we don't own because of our ridiculous need to prove that "our money" is good enough for "their shops". We have allowed ourselves to accept a system that denies us loans so much so that we will even refuse to fund each other. We have allowed our children to become irresponsible parents and said it was okay to be complacent with low level work as long as you qualify for a subsidy. We have allowed ourselves to stray from moral integrity and given other groups permission to profit off of our denigration of ourselves by over-sexualizing the image of our women and undermining the importance of our men. Yet we want the government and other groups (white people) to come in and help fix problems that we continually perpetuate. Here is some news for you. They don't care about fixing your problems anymore than you do and they shouldn't. They have their own problems. (Trust me. I have enough white friends to know that the grass is not always green on their side too- more so if you are rural, poor or uneducated.) Why would they give up power to or work to benefit a group that does not act like the deserve better, doesn't act like they want better, and doesn't act like they can handle better. And I don't want to here any of that, "I am not like that stuff" because a chain is only as strong as the weakest link and it only takes one bad apple to spoil the bunch. You may be a genius, but as long as they let Pookie get on the news cameras talking about how he "seent the whole thang" and we keep equating "being real" with "thug life" we have a problem.
Yes there are moments where I revel at being a part of a group in which even someone who talks like an illiterate buffoon with too much spit in his mouth can be considered a game changer and taste maker or where a two-bit hood can fund one of the most amazing music groups (cough*NWA*cough) ever, but those should just be options for our kids to consider - not the gold standard. We need to do better. Stop petitioning for more funding if you haven't shown that the money already spent has helped. Stop griping and just do better.
Women, you all are out of control. We have no idea what we want and we blame everyone else for our not having a clear agenda. We want it all and I can both understand and relate to that, but when you wrap that desire in a blanket of insecurities you wind up with CRAZY! That is what I see all day long. We want the Prince Charming that will sweep us off our feet, adore us, laugh with us, make us feel beautiful AND respect our brilliance and ambition, but we don't feel any of those things for ourselves. We deflect compliments. We undermine our own work performance and we undervalue ourselves at every turn. The next time someone- particularly a man- says you look nice, just say "Thank you" not some variation of "Oh, this old thing!". He does not care that you got it on sale at Target. Trust me. The next time a coworker compliments your work, agree. You might even share an aspect of your success that you were not anticipating because I have news for you. Nobody get promoted for saying the work they do doesn't matter. If you don't think you are good enough to treat yourself well, then why should others even bother to respect you. If you tell me you are an idiot I will believe you and probably tell other people the same thing. Then we will get together and treat you like an idiot. Don't be mad at me for taking you at your word. I am really sorry that your Daddy never loved you right and I am sorry that the Romeo to your Juliet turned out to be a douche. I am sorry that your dance teacher said you had "bad" feet- whatever that means, but you need to get it together and regain some control. Those people are fools for not loving you and for undervaluing your possible contribution, but you are CRAZY for going out of your way over and over again trying to prove them right about your lack of worth and then getting mad about it. It is not their problem. They are happy with how things are; if you aren't, you should change it.
Lowering your standards does not keep you from getting hurt. It keeps you from reaching your full potential and acheiving your real dreams. Let's do better, ladies.
Lastly, Christians are out of control. I don't even think we know if we are coming or going and for some reason we want government to regulate all those issues that we can't seem to handle. We are so busy trying to prove that we matter and that our opinions should matter to everyone that we have lost sight of the one thing that we were supposed to be doing. We are called to love with Christ's love and to spread the message of His life, death, and resurrection. What that has to do with Welfare, Taxes, Unemployment Abortion, and Gun Rights, I will never know. We want to be accepted so badly by outside groups that we weigh in on everything- good, bad or indifferent. We just want to feel like we still mater. So much so that we will turn on each other, regardless of how much it undermines that Gospel message.
Pray on it, then do better.
Really...it is like a bunch of whinny babies. Love me, hear me, help me, care about me. What for! Why should I care about you when you clearly don't. Why should I treat you better than you treat yourself? Why should I stop hitting you if you seem so content with me knocking you down? It just doesn't make any sense.
It is like I tell my clients. I will help you as much as I can, but I refuse to want it more than you!
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