Self-Evaluation

Sometimes it is hard to remember why I started this blog. My original goal was to explore my feelings on different things in an effort to find out who I truly am and regain the voice that I felt was losing. With that in mind I felt it was about time for me to do a self-check.

Here is what I have learned:

1. Budgeting won't actually kill me. It does suck and it has made me cry more than once.
2. You can not be taken seriously as an adult if you call your mother to help you clean your house. I don't do it anymore, but there are still times when I think about it.
3. Ignorance is bliss and there is no turning back once you know certain things. I have discovered some things about the people close to me that I wish could forget and I have learned things about my I-Pad Boss' injured groin that I wish I could unhear. Once you know, you are responsible to act and pretending like you unaware is much easier said than done.
4. I really do have a constant inner dialogue going. It is like an episode of Herman's Head in there. (If you ever wondered how old I am, just Google that reference.)
5. I hate saying good-bye to anything. I have trouble parting with anything that reminds me of something or someone. This is true even for people and events that I don't particularly like. My only saving grace is fear of becoming a horder and the looks of deep concern for my mental stateI get from Husband.
6. I am a Christian Socialist who generally votes the Democratic ticket with keen understanding that I live in a Republic (and I am current surrounded by Republicans). I am not against capitalism per se, but I am against the greed apect and I wish people would stop pretending that everyone starts with an equal set of opportunities to succeed. I am not telling rich people to stop being rich, but I do think they should share more. I also can't make the connection between my Christian faith and the desire that other "Christians" have to make other people feel less worthy of God's love and equal protection under the law.
7. I have got to be more consistent. Once people begin to invest in your blog, you have to start taking it seriously and that means updating it as promised and not just when you remember.
8. I am more vain than I ever wanted to admit.
9. I am a good friend to have in your corner.
10. I am dangerous when I am paying attention.

I am a little surprised, but I must say that I am starting to love who I have become. It was hard to mesh the life that I had and the life I had anticipated with the life that I was living. It was hard to know what things to let go of from childhood, teen years, my twenties, single life and even those newlywed and new mommy years. I was standly square in the middle of "Grown-Up Land" and I had no idea how to navigate. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of expectations- both from myself and from others. I needed to stop, take a breath, find a map, get my bearings and figure my way through. Well, I never found a map, but this blog helped me stop and really take a look around. I have been able to dump a lot of baggage and clear my head. I have found people who agree and people who think that I am nuts and all opinions have been welcome. Mostly I think I am loving my new sense of perspective.

I have learned that I am much more capable than I ever really gave myself credit for. I can keep my house clean (my car is a whole other story). I can lovingly care for my family while working and take a few days out for myself. I have gotten my UC in check (as long as I don't have to take any more steroids I will be a happy camper.) My life is good and this blog serves as a constant reminder. I have a great support system, a REALLY cute and supportive hubby, kids that make me proud more often than the leave me frustrated, and a plan for my future.

Yes, I still have a soul-sucking day job and the job that I love is cheating me out of money (that is a topic for another day), but I can fix that. I have my "I Quit" speech all planned out.

I can honestly say that I think the real me, that girl from the Boulevard, is back and she is wiser and feeling better than ever. I suggest you watch out because when I loose the last of this baby weight it is going to be on and I mean for real.

Like, FOR REAL-FOR REAL!