Sexy? Maybe Not

As a married woman with 2 kids and a closet full of clothes that don't fit quite the way I remember or would like them to, I spend a decent amount of time commiserating with my girlfriends about clothes. We spend virtually every lunch hour looking at magazines and getting a good laugh at all the things that we "must have" for the season and all those "must try" looks.

These lunch times giggles are often the source of blog inspiration and today is no different. While looking through a very prominent fashion magazine I stumbled upon an outfit that they suggested I try. This outfit included, among other things, what looked like a pair of button up light denim overalls. What? They could not be serious. We of course laughed about how hard it is to go to the bathroom in overalls, but then something even more interesting happened....

Janaan: You just can't look good taking off a pair of overalls. Somethings are just not sexy.
Jigga: (faking popping the shoulder snap and flinging over her shoulder in a mock strip tease) What!?! You could put an eye out.

Thus the beginning of my newest list.

10 Things That Make It IMPOSSIBLE To Look Sexy While Taking Off:

1. Onesies of any kind. Special marks for leotards- the old ones with snap at the crotch get special mention because there is nothing sexy about about undressing someone the same way you go to change a diaper. There was some question about rompers. I say no. Lotus says she thinks maybe if it is a silky material, but then JJ Santana and Jigga pointed out that silk won't fall right if you have been sweating which will result in a weird fabric pull and police pat-down stance. Therefore, it is also a no.

2. Overalls. There are a very limited number of appropriate places for overalls- farming/construction/intense yard work and there is a reason why even the stripper versions of these archetypes are not wearing overalls. That is because even the knowledge of impending nudity cannot make this a hot look. It may the association with childhood, or the knowledge that those straps probably hit the bathroom floor, but this one is a fail.

3. Skinny jeans. This one may seem like a shocker since they look so good on, but the wiggle maneuver that you did to get in is the same one that you use to get out and scrunching them down section by section is not hot. It is also made less sexy if you have to ask someone else to get the ankle and pull. (Some of you know what I mean.)

4. Socks. Stockings, YES! Stockings with a garter, HECK YEAH! Socks, WOMP-WOMP! Not even close. This does not mean that you should keep them on, but you should know that they are like a Band-Aid. Their removal should be quick and painless. I am not just talking about as a preamble to sex. I mean this in general. It is not sexy to watch someone play with the ridges and indents left by the sock and it is also not sexy to watch someone hop on one foot because they refuse to just sit and get it over with.

5. Spanx. They make the list for some of the same reason that skinny jeans make the list. It is hard to get out without making a scene. The other problem is that as you make your exit from Spanx so do all the things that you were hoping to cover up.

6. Corsets. They look SO good on/ We all look like one of Vicky's Angels when we are cinched, locked and loaded, but getting out is process. You will either have to unhook or loosen one by one. The last time I checked- tedium was not sexy. Besides, that is one item that is best left on. You will both feel better about that decision. Trust me.

7. Wigs. There is no good way to take your hair off. It is just a jarring sight. It does not matter how many times someone has seen it or if they knew it was a wig. It ends up like that scene in "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka", when the lady takes off not just her wig, but her butt and her leg.

8. Ridiculously Strappy Tops. There was a time, back in my party phase, when I wore some pretty intricate tops. This was mostly due to the fact that the shirts consisted solely of strategically placed straps. This made getting in a work of art. If you have to your top on the bed and strategize how to get into it because there is no tag or other natural indicator to decipher the front from the back, you have a problem. This problem extends to undressing. There is nothing sexy about being trapped in your shirt, with one arm hanging over your head and the other elbow where your boob should be. Just cut yourself out and save yourself the trouble.

9. Eyelashes. I feel like that is self explanatory, but much like hair, it is just one of those things that are expected to stay on.

10. I will leave this one open to suggestions. Please feel free to comment.

What do you think - biker shorts, stirrup pants, wetsuits? Let me know.