New Plan

I am tired of waiting for life to become what I want it to be. I am sick of hearing about it all coming together for me one day and all that jazz. I realize that I am not "knocking on death's door" old, but I don't have forever to keep waiting.

I am tired of waiting for my kids to go away or me to have energy or for them to become older to get my house cleaned. So, yesterday I met with a consultant and someone will be coming to my house every other week to "for real" clean my house.

I am tired of hoping that my mother, sister, or one of my friends will want to watch my children so that husband and I can take a moment to remember why we liked each other enough to even have children. I now have a regular sitter and one back up sitter.

I want to enjoy right now as much as possible. I know that I am not yet a multi-millionaire, but I am tired of living below my happiness level. I have been poor and it was not that bad. We still did things and had a good time. I have never felt as "poor" as when I stopped being poor. What did I wait all that time for if I am not going to enjoy some of what I worked for?

It reminds me of something my father said to me when I was about 15. He had turned 55 (I may have been 20 and he may have been 60, but lets not get caught up in the details) and had just become eligible for Social Security. He rushed to fill out his forms and submit them. He told me that he would not get the same amount as he would if he waited. I wondered why he would not want to wait and collect more. (He clearly didn't need the money. Considering, the fact that he has been comfortably retired since I was 11.) He turned and looked me square in the eye and in the most matter-of=fact tone made it plain for me.

"I am a black man with high blood pressure and diabetes. I put in on this and am getting all I can before it is too late."

We both laughed, I get that now. I am not going to keep waiting to collect on my happiness. I suggest you don't either.