In Trouble

It was really only a matter of time before I got into some kind of trouble at my new job. This time it is because We have been shadowing at another site for a few days and nothing really productive has been happening. It was suggested that we sit in on a meeting. As I walked in, I noticed that everyone was eating. The meeting was as exciting as dry toast and nothing in it pertained to me or my job and so I left to get something to eat for myself and a coworker.

I later get a call from my director because she wants to talk to me about what happened. Now, we all know that I don't do things that I can't justify and I don't really do shame because I always think that I am right and therefore have nothing to be ashamed about. I am not looking forward to this little meeting, but there are a few things that support my decision to leave and I am sure that this event will have little impact on me in the long run. What does upset me is someone's decision to skip over talking to me and go directly to my boss.

How can you call your self a therapist or an adult for that matter and lack the basic understanding that it is always better to come and address someone before going to a superior? All this talk about feelings and being able to communicate obviously means nothing because they would rather "tell mom" than be an adult and address the issue with me first. That is a punk move and one that totally kills any respect that I have for a person.

I am pretty sure that I know who did it. She is someone who wants to be in charge and may see me as her greatest competition for that position. I am, however, not easily intimidated. I really am working on my christian attitude and the knowledge that what God has for me is for me and I don't want anyone else's blessings because I don't want anyone else's headaches. If that job is meant for me, it will happen either way. I won't get it by pretending to be someone else and behaving in a way that is counter intuitive to who I am. I am not someone who is willing to waste time in a meeting that is 1. not valid according to state regulations, 2. not productive and 3. not required. That is not who I am or who I want to be.

I am, however, willing to see that maybe it was hurtful/disrespectful to the meeting leader and am OK with apologizing to her. I will take responsibility for setting a bad example for my team because they did follow behind me, but I will not apologize to the suspected tattler because the rest of the team left her and sat with me. You reap what you sow and immaturity usually sparks more immature behavior. Besides, they assumed it was her without my input and they came and sat with me without my input. I am just taking it all in and preparing for my meeting, but she best watch out because...

I may not start something, but I know how to finish.