Tough Times

You know a girl is missing her soaps when she begins to examine the love lives of the characters in her children's cartoons. The other day I caught myself wondering why Handy Manny and Kelly have so many awkward silences and if they ever went out, ever were going to go out or if this might be the moment when they finally kiss. I realized what I was doing, decided to hang my head in shame and went back to folding laundry. Life just is not the same without Erica Kane.

I have been thinking a lot about drama in life. I really like to watch drama on tv, but I am not that into it in real life. For example, I have a friend who recently went on vacation with a guy I consider to be her boyfriend. The problem is that her kids were ar home with the guy legally considered her husband. Drama? Exactly! I have friends who are still looking for love (at least that is what they say they are looking for) in all the wrong places. I have to say that romantically I am in a good place, but I realize that I have my own drama to sort out.

I have money problems, for real. I have no idea how to handle money. I was smart enough to marry someone who is great at it, but what if he dies? (I don't worry about him leaving because I would have to kill him and then the state would take care of both my money and my children.) The thought of taking care of my finances alone frightens me enough to reconsider my stance on remarriage. Maybe I could get lucky twice, but I doubt it. I would probably end up with some awful swindler kind of guy. You know the type; they can smell weakness and desperation. No! I need to figure this out for myself.

I was standing in my room yesterday, when I heard from God and for once I was really listening. He is not going to bless me until I start living within my means and paying of my debts- not my mother, not my husband, but me. I thought to myself, "Aww...Crap!" I am not ready for that. I don't make enough. I don't know where to start and all other kinds of things, but His message was clear and consistent. (It is so frustrating how right God is ALL the time.)

It is going to be a tough time for me, but I am going to have to do the thing that scares me the most...BUDGET! Pray for me, for real!