Trying

I am about to eat a Lean Cuisine for breakfast. That is right. I am about to eat an enchilada at 8 AM. To make matters worse, my daughter who I gave a real breakfast is asking for some. I don't mind sharing with her usually, but I feel like this is a bad idea and I should not get her involved in my foolishness quite so early in life.

It may not sound like it but I am trying to do better. I have made up my mind to work the best way I know how and to polish my résumé at the same time. I cannot continue to drive for an hour to feel unappreciated. I am pretty sure I can be treated badly closer to my house. As I fought back tears yesterday after my boss made another unfair cutting remark, I did what any mature women in my situation would do. I called my Mommy. She talked me off the ledge as usual and then proceeded to give me the much needed advice that I did not want to hear. I need to work just as hard to find a job as I do at my job.

Then she moved on to asking me about vacation time and going with my family for at least the weekend before New Years. They are going because my work schedule is crazy and I can't seem to ever get time off. I won't even get into how I feel about that. She wants to get me a plane ticket for a Christmas gift, but I am not sure what days I have off. At this point I am not sure if going would be helpful. The last thing I want to add to my exhaustion and frazzled nerves is jet lag. I can't see how that would make things better. Plus, Husband has a really nice family that likes to see him and in my attention starved state I will probably end up angry and jealous and irrational- not exactly a relationship boost. Maybe I should just stay home and clean my house like I planned.

I feel like I want to do better and do the right thing, eat the right thing and all those things, but I don't know where to start. Thank God for prayer and this Lean Cuisine because that is where I am coming from.

At least I'm trying.