So the other day my sister called and we had a really short conversation about nothing exciting. After about 5 or so minutes we got off the phone and I went about my evening as usual. The next day I get a call from my brother who proceed to chew me out almost immediately. I have to tell you that I was taken by surprise to say the least. He noticed and decided that he should start over- never apologizing for the crazy talk, mind you.
He tells me that our sister called and is upset with me and "when you get home there may be an email. I am asking that you use some tact." WHAT!?!
A lot of things went through my mind at this moment. I thought about the fact that he interrupted my day off to talk crazy and curse at me about something that I am not really sure ever happened. I thought about what could possibly be in this email. I thought about calling my best friend. I thought about how hot it was and wondered if that was coming from outside or my sudden spike in body temperature, but more than anything I thought about him telling me to use tact.
Why do I always have to be the responsible one?
I am a glutton for punishment and so I went home and read this email. It was like an out of body experience. I have not been this confused since college when I work up somewhere in North Philly with someone I don't remember leaving with and only vaguely remember meeting. The most confusing part was that I don't drink and don't do drugs, so I can't really account for the memory loss. This was one of those moments. Apparently, my sister had a really terrible and devastating conversation with someone that she thought was me and then emailed me her feelings about this conversation. The problem was that I never said the things that she came at me with and all this mention of my life being perfect was straight up crazy. I am not adopted. I lived with the same crazies she did.
Considering my past memory failures, you may wonder how I can be so sure I did not say it. Well, I am sure because I am a creature of habit. I use the same words and phrases all the time and there is distinct pattern to all my conversations- especially with people that I care about. It doesn't hurt that husband was in the room while I was on the phone and he doesn't remember me saying anything either. That only made it worse because the one thing that sends me into a rage is when people misquote me. I HATE THAT! I can get in enough trouble with my own words. I don't need people making any up for me!
Besides, I am way to passive aggressive and manipulative to have said something so overtly hurtful as I was accused. She also insinuated that I am self-centered. It was by far her most accurate assertion, but that should have been her first clue that she misunderstood me because I am too self-centered to be concerned with paying attention to and commenting on what she was doing in the first place.
How could she not know at least that much about me? That is when I realized that she could not really be mad at me at all. She was clearly mad, but not at me and what I did. So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I let it go and let her cool off. I responded to her email and told her that I love her and decided wait it out.
In the midst of her refusal to answer my calls or read my emails, she sent me a text saying she would babysit this weekend. WHAT!?! Who does that? Are we fighting or not? Stop changing to rules and trying to confuse me. Then I thought about Father, who never apologizes. He just buys you a gift and acts like nothing happened. DOES babysitting count as an apology? I do need a break! What am I saying? No truce until she talks to me voice to voice, at least. I text back and she promises to read my email.
When I came in this morning, I was greeted by another email. I held my breath as I started to read, only to be greeted by my REAL sister, the reasonably sane I know and love. She apologized and admitted that she was mad at someone else. I always love being right, but this victory was especially sweet because it meant that I was not crazier than I thought and was not having conversations that I could not remember.
I am glad we are back to normal and that my brother was smart enough this time to not get in too deep. I am really glad that she did not involve our other brother because he and Mother are the only people left on earth who are convinced that I am perfect I would feel some kind of way if she ruined my rep with him. I know all four of us are a little off, but we are in this together.
Mostly, I am glad to have my sister back (It was a rough 36 hours). I mean, who wants to be crazy and alone!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Good Giggle
So many things have happened since my last post. Some were good, some bad and some things came out of nowhere and I have no idea what to make of them. Maybe I will talk about those things tomorrow. I am hoping by then I will have found the humor in it all.
For now, I will tell a short story that gave me a good giggle last week. Some of my friends have already heard it. Too bad for them.
I was outside of work talking to my girl Jigga and on my way back to my office I was one of the officers that work our building part-time. This is the same officer that asked me to hook him up with one of my friends and then punked out at the last minute. I will call him Officer Pimpin' because it is clear that is what he thinks he is doing. I greeted Pimpin' as I was walking past and asked how he was doing.
Officer Pimpin'- Mumble mumble...Better now
Me - Your doing better?
Officer Pimpin' - I said it is getting better now.
Me - Oh, yeah. Is that because the day is almost over for you?
Officer Pimpin' - Its better now that I've seen you.
Me- Yeah. I know a lie when I hear one.
(Eighties alert) Ugh...gag a maggot! He can not be serious. Even if I was single, that would be a terrible pick up line. No wonder he needs help finding someone. His game is weak. I am so glad that he spared my friend the hassle of having to smile through any of those tired lines.
Then I had to wonder why he would even bother flirting with me. I know that I am happily married, but that is not why I wonder because I do joke around with some people, but he is not one of them. Maybe he saw my interaction with them, but there is a big difference them and him. There are some people that I joke with and I am quick with a smile or a cute comment, but that is only when I know the other person has no interest in anything other than a good laugh. I flirt with them because it fun to joke with people who are in on the joke. I NEVER flirt with him because I don't think he would know it was a joke and it is just not as funny if I am the only one laughing.
And believe me when it comes to Officer Pimpin', I would be the one laughing.
For now, I will tell a short story that gave me a good giggle last week. Some of my friends have already heard it. Too bad for them.
I was outside of work talking to my girl Jigga and on my way back to my office I was one of the officers that work our building part-time. This is the same officer that asked me to hook him up with one of my friends and then punked out at the last minute. I will call him Officer Pimpin' because it is clear that is what he thinks he is doing. I greeted Pimpin' as I was walking past and asked how he was doing.
Officer Pimpin'- Mumble mumble...Better now
Me - Your doing better?
Officer Pimpin' - I said it is getting better now.
Me - Oh, yeah. Is that because the day is almost over for you?
Officer Pimpin' - Its better now that I've seen you.
Me- Yeah. I know a lie when I hear one.
(Eighties alert) Ugh...gag a maggot! He can not be serious. Even if I was single, that would be a terrible pick up line. No wonder he needs help finding someone. His game is weak. I am so glad that he spared my friend the hassle of having to smile through any of those tired lines.
Then I had to wonder why he would even bother flirting with me. I know that I am happily married, but that is not why I wonder because I do joke around with some people, but he is not one of them. Maybe he saw my interaction with them, but there is a big difference them and him. There are some people that I joke with and I am quick with a smile or a cute comment, but that is only when I know the other person has no interest in anything other than a good laugh. I flirt with them because it fun to joke with people who are in on the joke. I NEVER flirt with him because I don't think he would know it was a joke and it is just not as funny if I am the only one laughing.
And believe me when it comes to Officer Pimpin', I would be the one laughing.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Thank God for Jesus
That is what the older people used to say when they knew that what just happened was ridiculous and that the only reason they survived and/or did not get arrested is because of the grace of God. I had one of those days today.
Today was meeting day. This was the meeting that was supposed to fix all the problems with the group that I support. We were going to talk through our issues and come to a resolution about how we could work together better. What a bunch of HOOEY!
I walked into the ambush with nothing, but the Lord and a notepad. I don't know why I even bothered because I never take notes. It took a lot of prayer and thought, but I walked in determined not to make this into a fight. I was going to listen and respond only as necessary. I was finally going to take my mother's advice and "let people dig their own ditches".
I sat and I listened as a Power Point agenda played out and all I could think was, "keep and open mind". Yes this is a ridiculous waste of technology, but since someone took the time to create this mess I could at least pay attention.
I spent an excruciatingly frustrating 82 minutes in this meeting and still have no idea who it is that I support. I did, however, find out that HR is considering adding one more person to the list of possibilities. I was also asked to change my office hours. Not the biggest deal, but then HR asked me if I eat at my desk in the morning.
Me- Yes
HR- Well is there any way you can do that before you come in?
Me- No
HR- Well is it something that you can do while you are on your morning break?
Me- I don't get breaks.
HR- Something about everyone needing a break even if only to use the bathroom and this not being a slave operation.
Group- random talking about the subject.
Matlock- If her schedule is built around getting here at 9 and she has time before then to eat then why doesn't she just go back to coming in at 9, right Janaan?
Me- If the issue is my eating at the desk then fine, I just won't eat.
Group- SILENCE
Now this may seem petty and like I am not a team player, but the issue is not so much eating at my desk. The issue is that there is nowhere in the office to eat. We have no breakroom. Everyone in the office eats a there desk. I am not saying that just to be general. EVERYONE eats at there desk because there is nowhere else for people to eat. That means that if I don't eat at my desk I don't eat. WHAT? I was beyond irritated at that one.
Then there was the exchange where they all seemed surprised to find out that everyone in the office comes to me to ask me to do things. Which brought me back to my original point that I don't know who it is that I actually work for.
I don't have the time and space to go over everything that happened, so here are the highlights.
New work hours
No eating at the desk
Ranting about me not being at my desk, but I am not at my desk because of other people...more ranting
No resolution regarding who I support
They agreed with most of my rebuttal points, especially about me not being proactive because every time I try to meet and work with them, they decline and act poorly.
It was decided that I could manage my own day and time contrary to an HR suggestion
They declined to meet with me to on a day to day (HR suggestion, not mine), but promised to communicate better.(Thank God!)
I got to see HR get chewed out for trying to impose someone onto the group as an admin supervisor.
All and all, I would describe it as unproductive and as a total waste of time, but I did not get fired and I put on a good face.
Thank God for Jesus!
Today was meeting day. This was the meeting that was supposed to fix all the problems with the group that I support. We were going to talk through our issues and come to a resolution about how we could work together better. What a bunch of HOOEY!
I walked into the ambush with nothing, but the Lord and a notepad. I don't know why I even bothered because I never take notes. It took a lot of prayer and thought, but I walked in determined not to make this into a fight. I was going to listen and respond only as necessary. I was finally going to take my mother's advice and "let people dig their own ditches".
I sat and I listened as a Power Point agenda played out and all I could think was, "keep and open mind". Yes this is a ridiculous waste of technology, but since someone took the time to create this mess I could at least pay attention.
I spent an excruciatingly frustrating 82 minutes in this meeting and still have no idea who it is that I support. I did, however, find out that HR is considering adding one more person to the list of possibilities. I was also asked to change my office hours. Not the biggest deal, but then HR asked me if I eat at my desk in the morning.
Me- Yes
HR- Well is there any way you can do that before you come in?
Me- No
HR- Well is it something that you can do while you are on your morning break?
Me- I don't get breaks.
HR- Something about everyone needing a break even if only to use the bathroom and this not being a slave operation.
Group- random talking about the subject.
Matlock- If her schedule is built around getting here at 9 and she has time before then to eat then why doesn't she just go back to coming in at 9, right Janaan?
Me- If the issue is my eating at the desk then fine, I just won't eat.
Group- SILENCE
Now this may seem petty and like I am not a team player, but the issue is not so much eating at my desk. The issue is that there is nowhere in the office to eat. We have no breakroom. Everyone in the office eats a there desk. I am not saying that just to be general. EVERYONE eats at there desk because there is nowhere else for people to eat. That means that if I don't eat at my desk I don't eat. WHAT? I was beyond irritated at that one.
Then there was the exchange where they all seemed surprised to find out that everyone in the office comes to me to ask me to do things. Which brought me back to my original point that I don't know who it is that I actually work for.
I don't have the time and space to go over everything that happened, so here are the highlights.
New work hours
No eating at the desk
Ranting about me not being at my desk, but I am not at my desk because of other people...more ranting
No resolution regarding who I support
They agreed with most of my rebuttal points, especially about me not being proactive because every time I try to meet and work with them, they decline and act poorly.
It was decided that I could manage my own day and time contrary to an HR suggestion
They declined to meet with me to on a day to day (HR suggestion, not mine), but promised to communicate better.(Thank God!)
I got to see HR get chewed out for trying to impose someone onto the group as an admin supervisor.
All and all, I would describe it as unproductive and as a total waste of time, but I did not get fired and I put on a good face.
Thank God for Jesus!
Friday, May 18, 2012
Countdown
As most of you know there is a showdown coming between me and the bosses. We now have a meeting date. It will be Wednesday. I am not really sure what to expect, but I will admit that I am curious and we all know how well that turned out for the cat.
I also noticed that people have been really quiet about my post from the Friday before Mother's Day. I promised JJ Santana that I would never apologize for what I write here and to be perfectly honest, I am not at all sorry. I do, however, hope that you all realize that it was a joke (tongue in cheek). It does not mean that I am funny- just that I think that I am.
I will be busy baking this weekend because the principal from LoLo's school called to express how disheartened she was that I did not bring anything for Teacher Appreciation Week. She said something about a dream and before I knew it I had agreed to bring some cupcakes.
I really want to take a moment to thank my friends for being so supportive and good to me about reading this random jumble of my thoughts. It means more than you can imagine to know that you all take time out of your day for this. I love you guys and I hope to dedicate one to you really soon. I have some ideas about how I would like to honor you.
Be afraid...Later.
I also noticed that people have been really quiet about my post from the Friday before Mother's Day. I promised JJ Santana that I would never apologize for what I write here and to be perfectly honest, I am not at all sorry. I do, however, hope that you all realize that it was a joke (tongue in cheek). It does not mean that I am funny- just that I think that I am.
I will be busy baking this weekend because the principal from LoLo's school called to express how disheartened she was that I did not bring anything for Teacher Appreciation Week. She said something about a dream and before I knew it I had agreed to bring some cupcakes.
I really want to take a moment to thank my friends for being so supportive and good to me about reading this random jumble of my thoughts. It means more than you can imagine to know that you all take time out of your day for this. I love you guys and I hope to dedicate one to you really soon. I have some ideas about how I would like to honor you.
Be afraid...Later.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Botox and Other Thoughts
I am sorry, but I have actually been busy at work and after spending all day Monday with my lovely children, one of whom woke up at 3 am Tuesday refused to sleep before 5, I have spent all of my hours recuperating. It is so bad that I did not even stay up to watch Glee. Thank God for DVR. (Hey don't judge me. You are thankful for your blessings and I am thankful for mine.)
I saw a woman today that I see often enough to feel like I have a good grasp of what she looks like, but when I saw her today her face looked kind of puffy and frozen. My first thought was that she could be feeling under the weather, but she seemed to be so jovial that I although she could have just been putting a brave face I figured there must be some other explanation. Then someone in the group told a joke and while she smiled and laughed audibly her forehead did not. It just sat there smooth and shiny. Could it be...BOTOX!
I am not against personal enhancements, but I have never known anyone who has gotten Botox and I just have so many questions. I just want to understand it, but I could not think of a good way to say, "Your forehead hasn't moved in the last 5 sentences. Have you had Botox? Tell me about it" or "Is there botulism in your face? I thought you looked unnaturally smooth." I can honestly say that I am intrigued despite the fact that I would never get it, not because I am not vain, but because I have a firm policy against injecting myself with toxins. It is just one of my quirks...go figure.
I have also taken to making more notes for myself. For example,
Note to self - just because your bosses want to conspire to fire you, that does not mean that they will not give you a raise or buy you a present.
Note to self - forget what your mother said about having your period. She told me that you have done a good job if your father/husband can't tell that you have had it. I don't care who knows. I deserve credit for not being a homicidal maniac.
Note to self - beware of people who think it is cool to answer your work phone and move things on your desk because they are going to be more trouble than good.
More to come. I am going running.
I saw a woman today that I see often enough to feel like I have a good grasp of what she looks like, but when I saw her today her face looked kind of puffy and frozen. My first thought was that she could be feeling under the weather, but she seemed to be so jovial that I although she could have just been putting a brave face I figured there must be some other explanation. Then someone in the group told a joke and while she smiled and laughed audibly her forehead did not. It just sat there smooth and shiny. Could it be...BOTOX!
I am not against personal enhancements, but I have never known anyone who has gotten Botox and I just have so many questions. I just want to understand it, but I could not think of a good way to say, "Your forehead hasn't moved in the last 5 sentences. Have you had Botox? Tell me about it" or "Is there botulism in your face? I thought you looked unnaturally smooth." I can honestly say that I am intrigued despite the fact that I would never get it, not because I am not vain, but because I have a firm policy against injecting myself with toxins. It is just one of my quirks...go figure.
I have also taken to making more notes for myself. For example,
Note to self - just because your bosses want to conspire to fire you, that does not mean that they will not give you a raise or buy you a present.
Note to self - forget what your mother said about having your period. She told me that you have done a good job if your father/husband can't tell that you have had it. I don't care who knows. I deserve credit for not being a homicidal maniac.
Note to self - beware of people who think it is cool to answer your work phone and move things on your desk because they are going to be more trouble than good.
More to come. I am going running.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Real Talk
Husband and his friends used to end many a statement with the words, "That's real talk." They said it so that you and anybody who happened to be listening would know that the preceding statement was an unflinching truth. Well, I am about to let you in on some real talk Janaan style.
I am so sick of people telling me that I should be so overjoyed, excited, and grateful to be a mother of two "beautiful sweet babies" or that I should feel so accomplished and good about myself because of said babies and that I should consider having more. At the risk of sounding like a bad parent and a horrible mother, I just have to be real and say once and for all that while I love my children being a mother is not all "sunshine and roses" for me. I wish people would cut the crap and just tell it like it is or accept that I am not feeling the same glow that they felt and leave me be.
Real Talk:
1. Other than the fact that the number of times a day that I call on Him for help, becoming a mother did not bring me closer to God.
2. I can not say for sure that "I would not trade them for anything in the world' because to date I have not been offered anything in exchange for them.
3. I sometimes sit in my garage with my head on the steering wheel trying to figure out why I did this to myself and then give myself a pep talk before I enter my house.
4. There are days I seriously consider running away.
5. There is nothing heart-warming about potty training. NOTHING AT ALL!
6. I want to punch people in the face when they ask me why I don't want more kids. Dude, I have been up all night with a cranky baby and then had to bribe a toddler into going to a school where I pay for him to play, eat and take a nap. The last thing I want is MORE of that.
7. I giving up what from what I have read in women's magazines could be the best time of my life for self-discovery and self-indulgence to raise 2 people who in 10 years will cost more money than I could ever possible make and repeatedly point out how "uncool" I am, all with the hope that when I become incontinent they will pay someone to take care of me.
8. Having kids did not make me feel more sexy, more like a woman, or make me more aware of my body. Hell, it did not even get rid of my cramps. It gave me a C-section scar, a small pouch that I no longer have time to go to the gym to work on and a new bra size (that last one was a plus).
9. I have actually called to apologize to my mother. IF you do indeed reap what you sow, I must have done horrible things to that woman.
10. People who go on and on about how they wish they could have my kids really need to quit before I pack them up, leave them on the steps, ring the bell, and run away.
11. I don't go around showing pictures of my kids because I really wasn't that interested when you were showing yours and I refuse to to torture other people that way.
I know these are not popular views and the truth is that much of this was brought on by the fact that Suga did not sleep through the night and my son was being extra whiny this morning about his Transformers toothbrush, but truth be told I have felt this way for a long time. I love my kids and I will never have a more important job than being their mother, but lets not pretend like it is the most glamorous job. I am at heart a realist and for all it's awesome moments I must confess that there are moments when motherhood sucks. (See number 5)
I think that everyone who wants to be a mother should take the opportunity when it presents itself- unless you are a teenager. You need to get a life to mourn first because you will miss things that you used to do. I am just sick of people pressuring me and others about motherhood. I am sorry if I am not as enthusiastic and starry-eyed as you would as you would like me to be.
I am just laying out some REAL talk.
I am so sick of people telling me that I should be so overjoyed, excited, and grateful to be a mother of two "beautiful sweet babies" or that I should feel so accomplished and good about myself because of said babies and that I should consider having more. At the risk of sounding like a bad parent and a horrible mother, I just have to be real and say once and for all that while I love my children being a mother is not all "sunshine and roses" for me. I wish people would cut the crap and just tell it like it is or accept that I am not feeling the same glow that they felt and leave me be.
Real Talk:
1. Other than the fact that the number of times a day that I call on Him for help, becoming a mother did not bring me closer to God.
2. I can not say for sure that "I would not trade them for anything in the world' because to date I have not been offered anything in exchange for them.
3. I sometimes sit in my garage with my head on the steering wheel trying to figure out why I did this to myself and then give myself a pep talk before I enter my house.
4. There are days I seriously consider running away.
5. There is nothing heart-warming about potty training. NOTHING AT ALL!
6. I want to punch people in the face when they ask me why I don't want more kids. Dude, I have been up all night with a cranky baby and then had to bribe a toddler into going to a school where I pay for him to play, eat and take a nap. The last thing I want is MORE of that.
7. I giving up what from what I have read in women's magazines could be the best time of my life for self-discovery and self-indulgence to raise 2 people who in 10 years will cost more money than I could ever possible make and repeatedly point out how "uncool" I am, all with the hope that when I become incontinent they will pay someone to take care of me.
8. Having kids did not make me feel more sexy, more like a woman, or make me more aware of my body. Hell, it did not even get rid of my cramps. It gave me a C-section scar, a small pouch that I no longer have time to go to the gym to work on and a new bra size (that last one was a plus).
9. I have actually called to apologize to my mother. IF you do indeed reap what you sow, I must have done horrible things to that woman.
10. People who go on and on about how they wish they could have my kids really need to quit before I pack them up, leave them on the steps, ring the bell, and run away.
11. I don't go around showing pictures of my kids because I really wasn't that interested when you were showing yours and I refuse to to torture other people that way.
I know these are not popular views and the truth is that much of this was brought on by the fact that Suga did not sleep through the night and my son was being extra whiny this morning about his Transformers toothbrush, but truth be told I have felt this way for a long time. I love my kids and I will never have a more important job than being their mother, but lets not pretend like it is the most glamorous job. I am at heart a realist and for all it's awesome moments I must confess that there are moments when motherhood sucks. (See number 5)
I think that everyone who wants to be a mother should take the opportunity when it presents itself- unless you are a teenager. You need to get a life to mourn first because you will miss things that you used to do. I am just sick of people pressuring me and others about motherhood. I am sorry if I am not as enthusiastic and starry-eyed as you would as you would like me to be.
I am just laying out some REAL talk.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Parenting
You know those moments when your parents do something annoying, strange, or just plain crazy and you think to yourself, "I hope I never do that to my kids"?
Well, I had one of those moments today when after my husband and I made the decision not to send LoLo to the school Field Day my mother came and changed everything. Now before you start thinking that I am a horrible party killing mother who did not want her little boy to have a good time, I must assure you that up until yesterday he was going. The trouble began when I opened an email yesterday notifying me of the location change. Instead of having it in the park, they are having it in the open field near the school behind the community center where they had the Easter Egg Hunt. That is also the same field where he had a huge allergic reaction that left him looking like he had gone a few rounds with early 90's Mike Tyson.
I notified my parents that he would not be going and they became determined to convince me to send him, with my father saying things like, "You can't protect him from everything." To which, I replied, "If I were trying to keep him away from germs I would not have sent him to the circus, but not this time." Then he went in for the guilt about how the other kids will be talking about it and he will have missed it. "He will be ok." My mother on the other hand just went ahead and called to tell the school she would bring him. Then called to tell me. My favorite part was after she told me and then asked, "Is that ok?"
SSSUUUURRREEE! Of course it is. I don't know why I even bothered to think that I should be allowed to make decisions about the well being of my own child. I will fast forward through some of the repetitive talking and hit the high notes:
Mother: You didn't want him to go because of the allergies? I thought it was because I wasn't going to be there.
Janaan: I tried to tell you that I did not want him to have another breakout.
Mother: He can take Benedryl and I will bring him home if something happens.
Janaan: Fine.
Mother: No. You and Husband discussed it and I always overstep my bounds. I will call the school again and tell them he isn't coming.
3 phone calls later we are right back at step one, with him spending the day at Grandparent Day Care.
Hopefully they will keep me in the loop if they change their minds again.
Well, I had one of those moments today when after my husband and I made the decision not to send LoLo to the school Field Day my mother came and changed everything. Now before you start thinking that I am a horrible party killing mother who did not want her little boy to have a good time, I must assure you that up until yesterday he was going. The trouble began when I opened an email yesterday notifying me of the location change. Instead of having it in the park, they are having it in the open field near the school behind the community center where they had the Easter Egg Hunt. That is also the same field where he had a huge allergic reaction that left him looking like he had gone a few rounds with early 90's Mike Tyson.
I notified my parents that he would not be going and they became determined to convince me to send him, with my father saying things like, "You can't protect him from everything." To which, I replied, "If I were trying to keep him away from germs I would not have sent him to the circus, but not this time." Then he went in for the guilt about how the other kids will be talking about it and he will have missed it. "He will be ok." My mother on the other hand just went ahead and called to tell the school she would bring him. Then called to tell me. My favorite part was after she told me and then asked, "Is that ok?"
SSSUUUURRREEE! Of course it is. I don't know why I even bothered to think that I should be allowed to make decisions about the well being of my own child. I will fast forward through some of the repetitive talking and hit the high notes:
Mother: You didn't want him to go because of the allergies? I thought it was because I wasn't going to be there.
Janaan: I tried to tell you that I did not want him to have another breakout.
Mother: He can take Benedryl and I will bring him home if something happens.
Janaan: Fine.
Mother: No. You and Husband discussed it and I always overstep my bounds. I will call the school again and tell them he isn't coming.
3 phone calls later we are right back at step one, with him spending the day at Grandparent Day Care.
Hopefully they will keep me in the loop if they change their minds again.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Note to Self
My friends and I have been having an ongoing conversation about moments when you realize that you need to do better and those little oopsies that serve as "a-ha" moments. They are those moments where almost immediately after the consequence (not the action because that would be too easy) you think, "Note to self: NEVER do that again!"
For example, after one of the worst dates ever, which included sitting in his mother's basement while he ate fishhead soup (crunching down on the cheeks- his favorite part- and all) and watching some cheesy Dracula movie while he talked about things that I were so boring that I can't even remember enough of it to make fun of him, I had a moment. Note to self: Never date a guy who thinks it is ok to shower outside in the rain, especially if he lives in an urban area with indoor plumbing because it only gets worse.
Some other notes we uncovered are...
From JJ Santana: Never wear bathing suit bottoms that are just a little too big, when you are going surfing.
From Jigga: Never wear tie-up ANYTHING when you are out with your kids.
From Janaan (courtesy of Lotus wanting to break the neck of bottle when she could not get the cork out): If you have to strain the glass out of your beverage, then note to self- you need to do better.
From Jigga: If you wake up with more than one bar/club stamp on more than one part of your body, then note to self- you NEED to do better. **JJ Santana points out that this is really a problem if you don't know where said bars/clubs are and you were not show hopping.
From Janaan: If you wake up to a "Thank You" text and you don't remember why or know who sent it, then note to self- you need to do better.
From Jigga: If you wake up to a "Are you OK? Did you make it home?" text, then you REALLY need to do better.
I am sure there are many more, but this was a fun starter. What are some of your notes? I would love to hear them.
Join the "Do Better" Campaign!
For example, after one of the worst dates ever, which included sitting in his mother's basement while he ate fishhead soup (crunching down on the cheeks- his favorite part- and all) and watching some cheesy Dracula movie while he talked about things that I were so boring that I can't even remember enough of it to make fun of him, I had a moment. Note to self: Never date a guy who thinks it is ok to shower outside in the rain, especially if he lives in an urban area with indoor plumbing because it only gets worse.
Some other notes we uncovered are...
From JJ Santana: Never wear bathing suit bottoms that are just a little too big, when you are going surfing.
From Jigga: Never wear tie-up ANYTHING when you are out with your kids.
From Janaan (courtesy of Lotus wanting to break the neck of bottle when she could not get the cork out): If you have to strain the glass out of your beverage, then note to self- you need to do better.
From Jigga: If you wake up with more than one bar/club stamp on more than one part of your body, then note to self- you NEED to do better. **JJ Santana points out that this is really a problem if you don't know where said bars/clubs are and you were not show hopping.
From Janaan: If you wake up to a "Thank You" text and you don't remember why or know who sent it, then note to self- you need to do better.
From Jigga: If you wake up to a "Are you OK? Did you make it home?" text, then you REALLY need to do better.
I am sure there are many more, but this was a fun starter. What are some of your notes? I would love to hear them.
Join the "Do Better" Campaign!
Friday, May 4, 2012
Singing Along
I first have to say how sad I am to find out the that MCA (Adam) from the Beastie Boys has passed. That is crazy to me and will probably take a while to really set in. I feel like I grew up with him. He just seemed like a cool guy and I will do my best to honor him by always remembering to fight for my right to...PARTAAAY!
Keeping on the music theme, I was reminded of a blog entry I read on Madame Noire the other day. It was entitled "People Who Swear They Can Sing But Can't" and I have to admit that she was on target with her choices. There was, however, one question left unanswered.
Why do we keep loving people who don't sing that well? We all know why we love Aretha, Gladys, Whitney, Mariah, Alicia and Jennifer. Heck, I will even openly admit my love for the underappreciated like Teena Marie, Angie Stone. Those girls can tear the roof off of a song. They make you feel like singing. You cry and reimagine yourself to their music. Why on earth after listening to them would you settle for singing along to some overly auto tuned strumpet strutting around in booty shorts in some hyper sexualized video that was clearly written by some sado-masochistic teenage boy or some junior high girl with Bratz doll fetish?
The answer is simple! Whitney may make you want to sing, but J Lo makes you feel like you CAN sing. That is any important factor. When I sing along to her, Katy Perry or Brandy (Sorry. I love her, but it is kind of true. The voice is sweet, but not spectacular.) I feel like my voice is deep and rich like Mahalia Jackson or Leontine Price. I can hit those notes and sing that melody. They make me feel like I could get a record deal too if I tried hard enough.
The songs are catchy and the lyrics are fun, but the real power is that I can sing and let loose belting out the song feeling like I sound good enough to be on the radio. When the song ends, you hit rewind and do it again because I feel good and it is so much fun to...
Sing Along!
Keeping on the music theme, I was reminded of a blog entry I read on Madame Noire the other day. It was entitled "People Who Swear They Can Sing But Can't" and I have to admit that she was on target with her choices. There was, however, one question left unanswered.
Why do we keep loving people who don't sing that well? We all know why we love Aretha, Gladys, Whitney, Mariah, Alicia and Jennifer. Heck, I will even openly admit my love for the underappreciated like Teena Marie, Angie Stone. Those girls can tear the roof off of a song. They make you feel like singing. You cry and reimagine yourself to their music. Why on earth after listening to them would you settle for singing along to some overly auto tuned strumpet strutting around in booty shorts in some hyper sexualized video that was clearly written by some sado-masochistic teenage boy or some junior high girl with Bratz doll fetish?
The answer is simple! Whitney may make you want to sing, but J Lo makes you feel like you CAN sing. That is any important factor. When I sing along to her, Katy Perry or Brandy (Sorry. I love her, but it is kind of true. The voice is sweet, but not spectacular.) I feel like my voice is deep and rich like Mahalia Jackson or Leontine Price. I can hit those notes and sing that melody. They make me feel like I could get a record deal too if I tried hard enough.
The songs are catchy and the lyrics are fun, but the real power is that I can sing and let loose belting out the song feeling like I sound good enough to be on the radio. When the song ends, you hit rewind and do it again because I feel good and it is so much fun to...
Sing Along!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Do Better
That should be my motto.
I have got to start doing better. I need to get focused and back on track, but not today. The problem is that I have no idea what I am supposed to be focused on. I am starting to really question what it is that I want out of life and I am not coming up with many answers.
I miss the days when hanging out with friends at the mall counted as a legitimate goal. I used to believe in "The 5 Year Plan" and having strategies, but after having 2 kids, going back to school and working 2 jobs I would be impressed it I had the where-with-all to come up with a "What to do in the next 5 minutes Plan".
Seattle and I were just discussing how we missed the days when summer meant a vacation, hanging out, concerts and sleeping late. Now we think, "Summer, already? Damn it! I forgot to register for summer camp." That has become my daily existence in one way or another. I forgot about the picture form, his backpack, milk, blah, blah, blah.
It was so bad that when Mallow volunteered to watch the kids because she was sure we needed a break and some fun time, I could not think of a single fun thing to do. Don't get me wrong! I gave her my kids because I was sure I could think of something (I did not, but the silence was AMAZING!) I was amazed with how out of touch I had become. I had no idea what was playing at the movies, what restaurants were hot, or the cool spot to people watch.
It was like a scene from Encino Man or Austin Powers when the protagonist (I wanted to use a grown up word since I spend so much of my time talking to babies.) wakes to find that life has moved on is completely different than they remember. Did you know it is like 30-40 bucks to see a movie and that is before dinner. No wonder girls feel pressured to put out on a date. With prices like that you figure he must be serious about investing in a relationship. I am not sure how the conversation veered so off track.
The point is that I have gone from a pretty focused individual to someone just floating along with out any real plan for my life. The only things that I know for sure are:
Do Better!
I have got to start doing better. I need to get focused and back on track, but not today. The problem is that I have no idea what I am supposed to be focused on. I am starting to really question what it is that I want out of life and I am not coming up with many answers.
I miss the days when hanging out with friends at the mall counted as a legitimate goal. I used to believe in "The 5 Year Plan" and having strategies, but after having 2 kids, going back to school and working 2 jobs I would be impressed it I had the where-with-all to come up with a "What to do in the next 5 minutes Plan".
Seattle and I were just discussing how we missed the days when summer meant a vacation, hanging out, concerts and sleeping late. Now we think, "Summer, already? Damn it! I forgot to register for summer camp." That has become my daily existence in one way or another. I forgot about the picture form, his backpack, milk, blah, blah, blah.
It was so bad that when Mallow volunteered to watch the kids because she was sure we needed a break and some fun time, I could not think of a single fun thing to do. Don't get me wrong! I gave her my kids because I was sure I could think of something (I did not, but the silence was AMAZING!) I was amazed with how out of touch I had become. I had no idea what was playing at the movies, what restaurants were hot, or the cool spot to people watch.
It was like a scene from Encino Man or Austin Powers when the protagonist (I wanted to use a grown up word since I spend so much of my time talking to babies.) wakes to find that life has moved on is completely different than they remember. Did you know it is like 30-40 bucks to see a movie and that is before dinner. No wonder girls feel pressured to put out on a date. With prices like that you figure he must be serious about investing in a relationship. I am not sure how the conversation veered so off track.
The point is that I have gone from a pretty focused individual to someone just floating along with out any real plan for my life. The only things that I know for sure are:
- I would like to stay married. (Having friends with relationship issues made me examine myself and Husband is a keeper.)
- I would be perfectly happy serving desserts in a store front cafe and doing therapy with a handful of clients.
- I REALLY need a good hair dresser.
- I want to continue to streamline my life and clean out my closets.
- I want to be a better parent than I am an employee. (I spend a great deal of time working and realized that I would much rather be defined/remembered as a great mom than as a great worker.)
Do Better!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
1 Year
Well, my Suga Booga is officially a one year old and I have the party bill to prove it. It was a good time and I am grateful to those who came, but the best part of the day happened before the party even started.
I went to get dressed and as I went to zip my shorts with great fear and trepidation I pulled them together with no problem. I didn't have to suck it in or lay down. They closed without a hitch. They are a....wait for it...size 6. I am SO excited!
The high did not last long because then everyone in my house proceeded to procrastinate and instead of getting there at 12, I left my house at 12. When will they learn? Procrastination is only ok during business hours.
Everything went well and the kids had a good time I am just going to tell myself that that is all that matters.
I went to get dressed and as I went to zip my shorts with great fear and trepidation I pulled them together with no problem. I didn't have to suck it in or lay down. They closed without a hitch. They are a....wait for it...size 6. I am SO excited!
The high did not last long because then everyone in my house proceeded to procrastinate and instead of getting there at 12, I left my house at 12. When will they learn? Procrastination is only ok during business hours.
Everything went well and the kids had a good time I am just going to tell myself that that is all that matters.
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