All things eventually come to an end. With that in mind I think it is time for me to close this chapter of my life. I have done what I wanted. I am prepping for my last trip to grad school, I am getting healthy- financially and physically an most importantly, I have been able to find my voice again. I have been able to dream again and laugh again. This started as a way to stop playing video games at work and developed into so much more. Thanks for reading and my God bless you.
Amen
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Product Placement
Companies pay lots of money for good product placement. They pay to make sure you see your favorite character using their product. The goal is to get in your head and make them the first name you think of n your next trip to the grocery store.
On a recent trip to the grocery store I became super aware of product placement in a different way. Stores place products in groups and in such a way as to get you to make connections like if I need this then I will probably need that to go with it. They also place things that you need just far enough that you have to walk past a bunch of crap you don't need, but will be coerced into buying. I went to the store during that time and as I made a quick decision between super and super plus and reached for my box of 24, something caught my eye. To my right was the prophylactic section (condoms). All I could think was "Really?" Nothing about what I am reaching for stimulates any interest in this other product. There is just nothing sexy about having your cycle. I laughed a little inside and then noticed that to my left was the pregnancy/ovulation section. That is a depressing choice. If you are struggling to get pregnant and can't the last thing you want to look at when dealing with your period (a 3-7 day reminder that you are in fact not pregnant) is to look at that smiling lady on the first response box and when you are praying for he minus sign you don't want to reminded that you are a week or two late. I am surprised I don't find more women crying in this isle.
I get why they are all together. They are all things that relate to your lady parts and there really is no good place to put them. Unless, you put the pads near the chocolate, the pee test near the ice cream and the condoms next to the men's deodorant (it is as much for him as for her. Wear it or risk it falling off.) the condoms for me are what is really out of place. I feel like by putting it in a section clearly dominated by women there is an inference that it is a woman's responsibility and that is crazy to me. Put it next to the athletes foot cream and jock straps because it is is another place he does not want o be itching.
Just a thought.
On a recent trip to the grocery store I became super aware of product placement in a different way. Stores place products in groups and in such a way as to get you to make connections like if I need this then I will probably need that to go with it. They also place things that you need just far enough that you have to walk past a bunch of crap you don't need, but will be coerced into buying. I went to the store during that time and as I made a quick decision between super and super plus and reached for my box of 24, something caught my eye. To my right was the prophylactic section (condoms). All I could think was "Really?" Nothing about what I am reaching for stimulates any interest in this other product. There is just nothing sexy about having your cycle. I laughed a little inside and then noticed that to my left was the pregnancy/ovulation section. That is a depressing choice. If you are struggling to get pregnant and can't the last thing you want to look at when dealing with your period (a 3-7 day reminder that you are in fact not pregnant) is to look at that smiling lady on the first response box and when you are praying for he minus sign you don't want to reminded that you are a week or two late. I am surprised I don't find more women crying in this isle.
I get why they are all together. They are all things that relate to your lady parts and there really is no good place to put them. Unless, you put the pads near the chocolate, the pee test near the ice cream and the condoms next to the men's deodorant (it is as much for him as for her. Wear it or risk it falling off.) the condoms for me are what is really out of place. I feel like by putting it in a section clearly dominated by women there is an inference that it is a woman's responsibility and that is crazy to me. Put it next to the athletes foot cream and jock straps because it is is another place he does not want o be itching.
Just a thought.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Vacation Over
I went, I wore a bathing suit and I am back. The obesity epidemic in this country was finally good for something. Everyone else being so out o shape made my little side bulge look like they weren't even there. I had a good time and wa able relax for the first time in a long time.
Husband and I rode rollover coasters an stood in long lines like teenagers. The best may have been coming home to see my sweet LoLo graduate from preschool. It was so cute. They wore a cap and gown and walked down the aisle. The best part, however, was when he went to sleep sitting in the front row. We got that recorded to bring up for his embarrassment later in life.
I am back at work and back on my better living grind. I am getting ready to start studying for the GRE and still trying to figure out my diet and exercise. I am sure I will have lots to talk about because trying t do better always leads me into trouble.
Husband and I rode rollover coasters an stood in long lines like teenagers. The best may have been coming home to see my sweet LoLo graduate from preschool. It was so cute. They wore a cap and gown and walked down the aisle. The best part, however, was when he went to sleep sitting in the front row. We got that recorded to bring up for his embarrassment later in life.
I am back at work and back on my better living grind. I am getting ready to start studying for the GRE and still trying to figure out my diet and exercise. I am sure I will have lots to talk about because trying t do better always leads me into trouble.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Slippery Slope
I have been working really hard to get healthy. I realized somewhere in the middle of my weight loss that this was about more than my pants. I needed to also reevaluate the example I was setting for my kids. I did not grow up eating poorly and I did not want them to grow up that way. I have watched documentaries and read books and while I am not totally sure what to do, I am trying to get my family started. That was until I started to skid down the carbohydrate slippery slope.
It starts out innocent enough. You eat a "special" occasion cupcake/cookie and then maybe a couple of pancakes, but if you are me, the next thing you know you are eating pasta and cookies at the same time while thinking about toast. Don't judge me. I don't know how it keeps happening to me. I would love to blame it on food companies and say that the chemical compounds have been manipulated in a way to foster addiction and dependence, but as a therapist I know how to overcome addictions. I explain it to people everyday.
One of the things that stops me from changing is fear of what I will become. Food is a big part of life and I don't want to be excluded from that. I don't want to be the Wierd one not eating at the get together or the lecturer who says "ugh, don't you know what they put in those things?" Nobody wants to hang out with that person and I don't want to be her. So I indulge "just a little", only it is not long before I am eating a donut after eating a muffin for breakfast.
I was doing really well and I think that I can easily get back on track. I think I just need to be more forgiving of my slip ups and more disciplined with my "cheats" because that slippery slope thing is real.
It starts out innocent enough. You eat a "special" occasion cupcake/cookie and then maybe a couple of pancakes, but if you are me, the next thing you know you are eating pasta and cookies at the same time while thinking about toast. Don't judge me. I don't know how it keeps happening to me. I would love to blame it on food companies and say that the chemical compounds have been manipulated in a way to foster addiction and dependence, but as a therapist I know how to overcome addictions. I explain it to people everyday.
One of the things that stops me from changing is fear of what I will become. Food is a big part of life and I don't want to be excluded from that. I don't want to be the Wierd one not eating at the get together or the lecturer who says "ugh, don't you know what they put in those things?" Nobody wants to hang out with that person and I don't want to be her. So I indulge "just a little", only it is not long before I am eating a donut after eating a muffin for breakfast.
I was doing really well and I think that I can easily get back on track. I think I just need to be more forgiving of my slip ups and more disciplined with my "cheats" because that slippery slope thing is real.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Ready To Go Right Now
I am talking about my upcoming vacation. I am ready to go right now. I have not quite reached my goal, but I did go from a size 10 (12 if I were 100% honest) to a size 4. I think that is still worthy of major celebration. My SIL has admitted that she will not be bikini ready for the trip and that put me majorly at ease with my body because I won't feel outdone, especially considering her penchant for gloating.
The icing on the cake, however, was yesterday. My main coworker was put yesterday. I got a call 10 minutes before group letting me know that she hurt herself while moving this weekend. Yeah, right! That chica just did not want to come to work. She was probably tired, but I doubt she was hurting beyond muscle soreness from moving boxes. Then I get home and my mother wants to start chewing me out it is not that what she wanted was not important. It is that I listen to people fuss and complain all day. I need a break before I get it at home. I am too tired to do a back a forth and then when I ask what she wants she tells me that I am missing her point.
Ian not sure what the song is really about because I only heard it once on Dancing with the Stars, but Mr. Legend summed up my feelings perfectly. "I'm ready to go right now!"
The icing on the cake, however, was yesterday. My main coworker was put yesterday. I got a call 10 minutes before group letting me know that she hurt herself while moving this weekend. Yeah, right! That chica just did not want to come to work. She was probably tired, but I doubt she was hurting beyond muscle soreness from moving boxes. Then I get home and my mother wants to start chewing me out it is not that what she wanted was not important. It is that I listen to people fuss and complain all day. I need a break before I get it at home. I am too tired to do a back a forth and then when I ask what she wants she tells me that I am missing her point.
Ian not sure what the song is really about because I only heard it once on Dancing with the Stars, but Mr. Legend summed up my feelings perfectly. "I'm ready to go right now!"
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Vacation Day
I actually think I had a vacation day yesterday. I watched tv and finally cleared my DVR. I had no idea how much I missed Glee. I laughed. I cried. I ate popcorn, all while my daughter slept. Idid go to the market and make some soup for a work event, but overall I relaxed. I did not do laundry or clean up anything worth mentioning. Plus, I found the Sudafed and breathed through my nose for most of the night.
I spent the whole day with Suga even though the trouble maker that lives in the back of mind said that I should get dressed, drop her off at my parents and come back home. Thank God he made me to lazy to execute most plans because I would dangerous and clearly on my way to hell. Prayer must be working because lying just does not sit well with me anymore.
Today it is back to work and we have a spirit week at the hospital. I cooked and I am nervous. It is not that I am a bad cook, but I hate being judged and there is always an irrational fear that I am going to poison everyone. Don't judge me.. I am working through my crazy. Are you?
I am also still trying to get in shape for my trip. It is down to the wire and it is clear that the deciding factor is going to be what I eat for the next two weeks. I am an overeater and a snicker and all the things diet commercials warn against. I may not have anything to worry about since the people at work are trifling and will eat things that don't belong to them. Did I mention that someone drank my juice- my $4 juice? That is crazy to me. I can't imagine putting my mouth on someone else's stuff when I don't know who bought it or having the audacity to steal. Again, I guess pray is making me a better person. I can add not stealing to not lying. That is 2 out of 10 commandments right there.
So my plan for the next two weeks is to really make an effort to eat better. I will keep you posted.
I spent the whole day with Suga even though the trouble maker that lives in the back of mind said that I should get dressed, drop her off at my parents and come back home. Thank God he made me to lazy to execute most plans because I would dangerous and clearly on my way to hell. Prayer must be working because lying just does not sit well with me anymore.
Today it is back to work and we have a spirit week at the hospital. I cooked and I am nervous. It is not that I am a bad cook, but I hate being judged and there is always an irrational fear that I am going to poison everyone. Don't judge me.. I am working through my crazy. Are you?
I am also still trying to get in shape for my trip. It is down to the wire and it is clear that the deciding factor is going to be what I eat for the next two weeks. I am an overeater and a snicker and all the things diet commercials warn against. I may not have anything to worry about since the people at work are trifling and will eat things that don't belong to them. Did I mention that someone drank my juice- my $4 juice? That is crazy to me. I can't imagine putting my mouth on someone else's stuff when I don't know who bought it or having the audacity to steal. Again, I guess pray is making me a better person. I can add not stealing to not lying. That is 2 out of 10 commandments right there.
So my plan for the next two weeks is to really make an effort to eat better. I will keep you posted.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Set Up
I feel like I have been going non-stop all week, but I am in a good place. I love my job. I like the people I work with. There are a few people that I would switch out, but I feel like that would be the case anywhere.
The major issue is how this job is impacting my workouts. I have less than 30 days and about 20 more pounds to,go before vacation and unless I start waking up at 5 am, I don't have any realistic way to get all my workouts in. I do move around a lot at work. That is good, but not 20 pounds good.
None of that matters tonight though because I have a date with my honey and I am determined to look good and feel good about myself. I have made a lot of progress. I just gave away my brand new yellow jeans that I loved because I dropped another size. It is an exciting time and rather than dwell on not being at goal weight, today I celebrate my progress. I have gone from a 10-12 to a 6. I have started making sure that I take in healthier foods and set a good example for my babies.
Speaking of babies, my mom is watching them tonight. I am excited about that, but I know it comes with a price. What is it about mothers that makes it so hard for them to let you live your way. My mother questions everything I do. I know it is her way of showing care, but somedays it makes me crazy. Yesterday she gave me a tutorial on poop because she is convinced Suga is constipated despite her pooping like 3-4 times a day. She is apparently unhappy with the texture and I should watch it more closely. Well, I am sorry, but poop is poop and unless it is green with worms coming out, I don't see the big deal.
But today I get a break. I am leaving work on time and spending the rest of the night having fun. Thank you Jesus and thank you new job!
The major issue is how this job is impacting my workouts. I have less than 30 days and about 20 more pounds to,go before vacation and unless I start waking up at 5 am, I don't have any realistic way to get all my workouts in. I do move around a lot at work. That is good, but not 20 pounds good.
None of that matters tonight though because I have a date with my honey and I am determined to look good and feel good about myself. I have made a lot of progress. I just gave away my brand new yellow jeans that I loved because I dropped another size. It is an exciting time and rather than dwell on not being at goal weight, today I celebrate my progress. I have gone from a 10-12 to a 6. I have started making sure that I take in healthier foods and set a good example for my babies.
Speaking of babies, my mom is watching them tonight. I am excited about that, but I know it comes with a price. What is it about mothers that makes it so hard for them to let you live your way. My mother questions everything I do. I know it is her way of showing care, but somedays it makes me crazy. Yesterday she gave me a tutorial on poop because she is convinced Suga is constipated despite her pooping like 3-4 times a day. She is apparently unhappy with the texture and I should watch it more closely. Well, I am sorry, but poop is poop and unless it is green with worms coming out, I don't see the big deal.
But today I get a break. I am leaving work on time and spending the rest of the night having fun. Thank you Jesus and thank you new job!
Monday, April 29, 2013
Starting Over
Today is my first day back to traditional hours and an adult client list. I am excited and nervous. I have worked here before, but things are never the same and so I wonder what it will be like. I got up this morning with the jitters that reminded me of the first day of school. What should I wear? How should my hair look? Does this look like I am trying too hard?
Things went pretty well in terms of leaving my old job. Everyone said they would miss me and told me how I added to the team. I even got gifts, but there is one thing that rubbed me raw. They announced the people nominated for Employee of the Quarter and I was not nominated. While I was not surprised, it did make me feel like they were all talk. If I am so important and valuable, why not nominate me? I guess it was not meant to be. It would have been nice to be nominated.
So, here I am getting ready to rejoin the masses in the morning scurry to work and I am worried that I don't know how to do mornings anymore. I have to change everything- my workout routine, dinner prep, kid time. My whole day has been shaken up, but I may never have to make school contacts again. Yippee!
Things went pretty well in terms of leaving my old job. Everyone said they would miss me and told me how I added to the team. I even got gifts, but there is one thing that rubbed me raw. They announced the people nominated for Employee of the Quarter and I was not nominated. While I was not surprised, it did make me feel like they were all talk. If I am so important and valuable, why not nominate me? I guess it was not meant to be. It would have been nice to be nominated.
So, here I am getting ready to rejoin the masses in the morning scurry to work and I am worried that I don't know how to do mornings anymore. I have to change everything- my workout routine, dinner prep, kid time. My whole day has been shaken up, but I may never have to make school contacts again. Yippee!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Return of the Lazy
I have worked really hard for the last 3 months trying to lose weight. I am tired. I have done twice a day workouts. I have watched what I ate. I downloaded a calorie counter pp. I have started juicing. I have lost two sizes and could be well on my way to getting back into my pre-baby pants. Unfortunately, I woke up last week and realized that the lazy fat girl who lives inside me is back.
She is the one who tells me that I am too tired or don't have enough time to workout or that eating that piece of cake will somehow make me feel better about my job or my life. It it is that voice that tells me there has to be an easier way to get a flatter stomach. I am too poor and too chicken for drastic measures like surgery, but tht voice gets me to thinking. I could just buy new clothes. I could just try to b happy with my body the way it is. I don't want to spend all my time working out. She is full of these excuses and I have admit that they all Lund good and rational before 7 am or when cake and cookies are plentiful.
I listened to her today. She made a good point. Suga was up and it was just "too hard to concentrate on my workout while trying to watch her." That was all it took and my workout was over. I know I need to do better and be stronger. I know my resolution was to work on staying motivated. I am going to keep trying. I think adding the veggie juice would help, but I have been too nervous to even try it with something other than fruit.
The truth is that if I want things to keep changing, I am going to have to toughen up. I am not sure that I know how to do that, but I am going to try. I have one month and one more roll to exorcise before I can be considered bikini ready. So now is the time to dig deep and figure out how to get my head back in the game.
Today, however, will probably be a loss.
She is the one who tells me that I am too tired or don't have enough time to workout or that eating that piece of cake will somehow make me feel better about my job or my life. It it is that voice that tells me there has to be an easier way to get a flatter stomach. I am too poor and too chicken for drastic measures like surgery, but tht voice gets me to thinking. I could just buy new clothes. I could just try to b happy with my body the way it is. I don't want to spend all my time working out. She is full of these excuses and I have admit that they all Lund good and rational before 7 am or when cake and cookies are plentiful.
I listened to her today. She made a good point. Suga was up and it was just "too hard to concentrate on my workout while trying to watch her." That was all it took and my workout was over. I know I need to do better and be stronger. I know my resolution was to work on staying motivated. I am going to keep trying. I think adding the veggie juice would help, but I have been too nervous to even try it with something other than fruit.
The truth is that if I want things to keep changing, I am going to have to toughen up. I am not sure that I know how to do that, but I am going to try. I have one month and one more roll to exorcise before I can be considered bikini ready. So now is the time to dig deep and figure out how to get my head back in the game.
Today, however, will probably be a loss.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Hiding
I am currently sitting int my bedroom with the lights off wishing the birds outside would be quiet. This is interesting be ause I am scared of the dark, but I am willing to suffer some fright if it means that my daughter will sleep just a little longer.
Between the birds and my son talking loud enough to wake the neighbors, I am not sure if I will even get ten more minutes. I have a lot to do today and all I want this morning is some quiet. So I am hiding. I am tarting to think the sound of me typing is to loud. Shhh...the sound of you reading is to loud. This is usually the time some telemarketer calls my house. Grr!
Please, whatever you do, just don't wake the baby.
Between the birds and my son talking loud enough to wake the neighbors, I am not sure if I will even get ten more minutes. I have a lot to do today and all I want this morning is some quiet. So I am hiding. I am tarting to think the sound of me typing is to loud. Shhh...the sound of you reading is to loud. This is usually the time some telemarketer calls my house. Grr!
Please, whatever you do, just don't wake the baby.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Neighborhood Addition
You know something is up in your neighborhood when there is no bookstore in the mall. There is also problem when you only have one store that sells clothes that you could potentially wear on a job interview. The mall near my house is home to various shoe stores, weave sellers, hoochie wear and a Macy's. That is a problem.
Another sign of the problem should have been my mother's reference to it as "the shoot'em up mall". Yes, more than one person has been shot there and sometimes more than one person in the same month. I don't feel like that is a normal occurrence outside of war zones and to my knowledge I do not live in a village that is under siege by rebel forces, but I could be wrong. It would not be the first time.
All of these things should have been signs to me, but recently something has happened that has made me question my surroundings and the mall in particular. No, it is not the fact that the workers there are so ghetto that a sales person in the kids shoes store called a customer the b word in front of her kid and followed it up with "Did you hear what I said?" Although in retrospect, that too should have been enough. No, the final straw for me was actually the result of disappointment. There has been an abandoned ToysRUs right next to the mall since I moved here. They recently began to work on it and I got excited about all the things it could be and hoped that it would be a sign if things changing and improving. I spent weeks speculating on all the possibilities. Was Toys going to give it another shot? Was it going to be clothes? Maybe, an actual book store or a department store that doesn't sell clothes and perfume made by rappers.
Unfortunately, I was wrong on all counts. It was to become none of those things. As I drove by the other day, the writing was literally on the wall. It had become a police station. I know I should feel a greater sense of security, but really it did not. There was already a small police station in the back part that was expected size for a mall. This just made me feel like this mall area was so bad that we needed to bump up police presence to level seen in some small towns.
Looking for a bright side, I figure, maybe better stores will come since it shouldn't be to hard to get those pesky shooters and shoplifters taken care of.
Another sign of the problem should have been my mother's reference to it as "the shoot'em up mall". Yes, more than one person has been shot there and sometimes more than one person in the same month. I don't feel like that is a normal occurrence outside of war zones and to my knowledge I do not live in a village that is under siege by rebel forces, but I could be wrong. It would not be the first time.
All of these things should have been signs to me, but recently something has happened that has made me question my surroundings and the mall in particular. No, it is not the fact that the workers there are so ghetto that a sales person in the kids shoes store called a customer the b word in front of her kid and followed it up with "Did you hear what I said?" Although in retrospect, that too should have been enough. No, the final straw for me was actually the result of disappointment. There has been an abandoned ToysRUs right next to the mall since I moved here. They recently began to work on it and I got excited about all the things it could be and hoped that it would be a sign if things changing and improving. I spent weeks speculating on all the possibilities. Was Toys going to give it another shot? Was it going to be clothes? Maybe, an actual book store or a department store that doesn't sell clothes and perfume made by rappers.
Unfortunately, I was wrong on all counts. It was to become none of those things. As I drove by the other day, the writing was literally on the wall. It had become a police station. I know I should feel a greater sense of security, but really it did not. There was already a small police station in the back part that was expected size for a mall. This just made me feel like this mall area was so bad that we needed to bump up police presence to level seen in some small towns.
Looking for a bright side, I figure, maybe better stores will come since it shouldn't be to hard to get those pesky shooters and shoplifters taken care of.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Praise Him
I got the job!!! I can only thank God. I did not even seek this job out. They called me. Things like that only by the grace of God. I am going to work really hard to get my stuff together and start with clean slate. I am excited, but I am going to go into this job with my eyes open and not expect too much.
I was riding in the car the other day and the Britney Spears and wil.i.am song came on the radio. It made me miss the days when she would at least pretend to sing a song. She is not the only person. I remember when virtually every song consisted of verse chorus verse chorus breakdown and chorus to fade out. Now I just hear the same 4 lines over and over backed by a dub step/ pumped up house/ techno beat. It reminds me of the time I heard the guy who sings "it's time for the percolator" was coming for a concert. If you don't know the song, it consists of one line with a beat that sounds like the Neptunes studio exploded. Why in the world would I want to go to that concert? The latest songs make me ask the same questions about other artists.
I don't want to pay to watch you dance around I go to sing along, but singing involves words. It is like a movie with no plot.
I just don't see the appeal.
I was riding in the car the other day and the Britney Spears and wil.i.am song came on the radio. It made me miss the days when she would at least pretend to sing a song. She is not the only person. I remember when virtually every song consisted of verse chorus verse chorus breakdown and chorus to fade out. Now I just hear the same 4 lines over and over backed by a dub step/ pumped up house/ techno beat. It reminds me of the time I heard the guy who sings "it's time for the percolator" was coming for a concert. If you don't know the song, it consists of one line with a beat that sounds like the Neptunes studio exploded. Why in the world would I want to go to that concert? The latest songs make me ask the same questions about other artists.
I don't want to pay to watch you dance around I go to sing along, but singing involves words. It is like a movie with no plot.
I just don't see the appeal.
Monday, March 25, 2013
The Big Day...Again
So toady is once again supposed to be the big day where the people from my potential new job get back to me about whether or not I am hired. I am keeping, my hopes up, but I have to admit that waiting does sometimes make me nervous. Working out this morning did help take my mind off of it, but as I get ready for work, I cannot help but think of starting over again with a new job. I am excited by the prospect of a shorter commute, but I have to admit that I have gotten used to my routine and it will be hard to go back to traditional hours after having mornings to myself, but after going in super early one day last week and the week before only to be saddled with more work I am not sure if that statement continues to apply.
The people in my life who love me have been trying very hard to keep me upbeat about all of the tension surrounding work and with that intention, Mallow graciously offered to watch LoLo and Suga Saturday night. This was great because I cannot remember the last time that Husband and I were kid free after dark. We also had a easy breezy morning because rain caused soccer to be canceled. We schleped around in our pajamas for a while and got ready to go with Mallow. Then Husband and I hit the ground running. We went to dinner, shopping and a movie all by 9:35. We left the house at about 5. Then we went to see a not so close friend at his lounge because it is our goal for the year to be more supportive of local businesses, especially those run by people we know, but they were closed for renovations. That left us with nothing to do. We are usually chasing people through the house at this time reminding them that we have to get up early tomorrow and that the IPad is not a bettime toy.
I called Mallow and she suggested a few things, one of which had to be a joke. She suggested we go to a club. I let her know in no uncertain terms that I would not be entering a building where they would potentially play Lil' Wayne and actually be serious. Then I called Jigga to find out what she does on kid free nights. She eats. A good idea except for the fact that we had already eaten. I called Mallow back because I told her I would give her 10 minutes to come up with a better plan before I fired her as my cool single friend. She came up with better one's this time, but none seemed appropriate for us. The best part was when Husband looked at me earnestly and asked what else there was to do. I had to laugh as I looked back at him and responded as lovingly as possible, "How would I know? You may remember me as the woman lying next to you in bed at this point in the night."
We went a local place and played pool. Well, Husband played. I did something more akin to making a mess of his planned shots because pool and my lack of spatial awareness are a joke together. The best part was that with the exception of a few times in the beginning, Husband and I did not talk about work or kids or bills or whatever it is we talk about all week. We just had fun. We laughed and acted like the people we were before the rings, the house and the responsibilities. It was an awesome way to to spend the weekend. NO worries, but...
Monday is here again and I am waiting to hear if I will have a new job and inspiration to share.
The people in my life who love me have been trying very hard to keep me upbeat about all of the tension surrounding work and with that intention, Mallow graciously offered to watch LoLo and Suga Saturday night. This was great because I cannot remember the last time that Husband and I were kid free after dark. We also had a easy breezy morning because rain caused soccer to be canceled. We schleped around in our pajamas for a while and got ready to go with Mallow. Then Husband and I hit the ground running. We went to dinner, shopping and a movie all by 9:35. We left the house at about 5. Then we went to see a not so close friend at his lounge because it is our goal for the year to be more supportive of local businesses, especially those run by people we know, but they were closed for renovations. That left us with nothing to do. We are usually chasing people through the house at this time reminding them that we have to get up early tomorrow and that the IPad is not a bettime toy.
I called Mallow and she suggested a few things, one of which had to be a joke. She suggested we go to a club. I let her know in no uncertain terms that I would not be entering a building where they would potentially play Lil' Wayne and actually be serious. Then I called Jigga to find out what she does on kid free nights. She eats. A good idea except for the fact that we had already eaten. I called Mallow back because I told her I would give her 10 minutes to come up with a better plan before I fired her as my cool single friend. She came up with better one's this time, but none seemed appropriate for us. The best part was when Husband looked at me earnestly and asked what else there was to do. I had to laugh as I looked back at him and responded as lovingly as possible, "How would I know? You may remember me as the woman lying next to you in bed at this point in the night."
We went a local place and played pool. Well, Husband played. I did something more akin to making a mess of his planned shots because pool and my lack of spatial awareness are a joke together. The best part was that with the exception of a few times in the beginning, Husband and I did not talk about work or kids or bills or whatever it is we talk about all week. We just had fun. We laughed and acted like the people we were before the rings, the house and the responsibilities. It was an awesome way to to spend the weekend. NO worries, but...
Monday is here again and I am waiting to hear if I will have a new job and inspiration to share.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Never Easy
Will someone please tell me when Zumba will stop being so hard? I have been doing it for two months and it is still kicking my butt and hurting in places I thought I would have built up a tolerance in. The addition of harder ab focused workouts is not helping me feel better, but I'd the number of times I call on God to help is any indication of salvation, I am definitely going to heaven if I die today. You may remember that this week was the start of my increased intensity workout and I certainly feel it. I am 13 pounds down with 17 more to go before I am back to pre-baby status. I have to admit that I still have concerns about what my post-baby body will look like at pre-baby weight. I mean, what happens to the extra skin. I am too scared and cheap foe plastic surgery. Does that mean I will have to tuck it into my underwear or start rocking those "natural" waist pants? I am not sure, but I will find out soon enough if I keep this up.
All this kicked in after I booked the trip to Florida for Husband and I to go on vacation with his sister and her beau. I really don't want her to look better than me. That meant I had to get it together. That is one of those times that being shallow has been a benefit. It was good motivation. I am excited to go because I love my SIL. She is great and this is te first guy that she seemed to be really into, but now they are in a rough patch and he may not go. I will discuss that another day. The point of today is that this trip better happen because I di not work this hard for nothing. I am going on this trip and I am going to rocking my new body. I have crunched, lunged, danced, and boot camped myself twice a day, five days a week for two months and I be damned if I am not going on this trip. I don't care who is mad at who.
And that is final!
All this kicked in after I booked the trip to Florida for Husband and I to go on vacation with his sister and her beau. I really don't want her to look better than me. That meant I had to get it together. That is one of those times that being shallow has been a benefit. It was good motivation. I am excited to go because I love my SIL. She is great and this is te first guy that she seemed to be really into, but now they are in a rough patch and he may not go. I will discuss that another day. The point of today is that this trip better happen because I di not work this hard for nothing. I am going on this trip and I am going to rocking my new body. I have crunched, lunged, danced, and boot camped myself twice a day, five days a week for two months and I be damned if I am not going on this trip. I don't care who is mad at who.
And that is final!
Monday, March 18, 2013
Two Months
I have two months until my vacation and today was the first morning of my new workout regimen. It hurts. I was so not looking forward to it that I did not even read it until last night. I do think it is time for a change because I was starting to slack off a bit. I say it is because I am tired and that is true, but I am also tired of being out of shape. I did have a good weekend, though.
LoLo started soccer and he and Suga went to a birthday party where they were surprisingly not the rowdiest one there. Thank God for small miracles. By the way Jigga, your boy is a cutie. Two thumbs up for that and seems nice, too. The point is that I felt rested enough to get up and get moving this morning.
There are a couple things n my plate. I am super behind at work and am going to really need to get it done today and I both my babies this morning. I think my sweet boy are some bad pancakes from IHOP and he is not feeling so fly. I am also reconsidering some of my relationships. Particularly, the one with my sister-in-law. I am thinking that we could talk more. I have it good in the in-law department, but I am wondering if that is because we don't talk more than we have to. Plus, I don't want to use her as a replacement for my sister who has once again lost her mind and dropped off the grid for some dude.
I really like her and think I may up my calls to once a month or something. No pressure, but still more and we can see how that goes. By the end of this year I really hope to have cleaned up and cleaned out my closet and my life. No, I am not getting rid of my sister, but I am for real cutting the puppet strings.
LoLo started soccer and he and Suga went to a birthday party where they were surprisingly not the rowdiest one there. Thank God for small miracles. By the way Jigga, your boy is a cutie. Two thumbs up for that and seems nice, too. The point is that I felt rested enough to get up and get moving this morning.
There are a couple things n my plate. I am super behind at work and am going to really need to get it done today and I both my babies this morning. I think my sweet boy are some bad pancakes from IHOP and he is not feeling so fly. I am also reconsidering some of my relationships. Particularly, the one with my sister-in-law. I am thinking that we could talk more. I have it good in the in-law department, but I am wondering if that is because we don't talk more than we have to. Plus, I don't want to use her as a replacement for my sister who has once again lost her mind and dropped off the grid for some dude.
I really like her and think I may up my calls to once a month or something. No pressure, but still more and we can see how that goes. By the end of this year I really hope to have cleaned up and cleaned out my closet and my life. No, I am not getting rid of my sister, but I am for real cutting the puppet strings.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Still Waiting
I have bee waiting to hear back about a new job for two weeks and it is honestly starting to make me a little crazy. I that patience is a virtue, but impatience is my norm. I am human and I like to get things when I want them. That is why I don't pray for patience. It usually results in God making you wait.
I am starting to feel more settled with myself at this stage of life and more comfortable with making life choices, but the little things continue to baffle me. Little things like waiting to hear back about a job that I know in my heart is mine. At first, I called to checkin with them, but now I have laid low for two days. I figured that I needed to stop looking so desperate. I am not sure what to do today. In theory, I will be too busy at work to call, but I am sure that the more I sit in my work funk the more I will want to call.
Ugh! Why is God always trying to teach me a lesson. Sometimes I just want to babied and given what I scream for and I WANT THIS JOB! I think?
Who knows what I want in te long run? I know I would like to hear something.
I am starting to feel more settled with myself at this stage of life and more comfortable with making life choices, but the little things continue to baffle me. Little things like waiting to hear back about a job that I know in my heart is mine. At first, I called to checkin with them, but now I have laid low for two days. I figured that I needed to stop looking so desperate. I am not sure what to do today. In theory, I will be too busy at work to call, but I am sure that the more I sit in my work funk the more I will want to call.
Ugh! Why is God always trying to teach me a lesson. Sometimes I just want to babied and given what I scream for and I WANT THIS JOB! I think?
Who knows what I want in te long run? I know I would like to hear something.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
New Closet, New Me
Well, I did it. I went shopping for new pants to fit my new body. It was hard because they were not all the size I wanted them to be, but I must admit that they look better than the pants that I have been wearing and I feel good about them and how I look in them. Shopping was fun too. I went with Mom, Mallow and Suga. Suga is a riot and she loves shopping. If she is not waving, she is trying on shoes or sunglasses, or declaring how "pitty" (pretty) something is. People love her. She loves for people to watch her and she had a ball. She got some little sunglasses and rode through the mall leaned back in the stroller while wearing them. It was cute.
Then came the hard part. I had to clean out my closet of all the things that did not fit. I am not a hoarder, but I do get emotionally attached to som things and clothes are one of those things. I will remember where I wore it or bought it or who gave it to me and if it if "special" I find myself keeping it. This time was even harder because I had been keeping something's in the hopes to wear them again and the fact that they fit was overriding good judgement regarding whether I should keep them. So I did the unthinkable. I asked Husband for his opinion. This does not normally happen, for one simple reason. I am normally not serious about purging. Usually I get rid of things that I really don't want, like gifts that I never would have worn or things that I can't remember what I liked about them or shrank in the dryer, but this time I risked it all. Husband is honest and will do anything to help me, so I know that once I ask him there is no turning back. It was awful.
We cut my jean collection in half, including a pair I have had since college and I went there before Y2K. Some people don't even know what that means. Maybe I am a little bit of a hoarder. That stung, but then he suggested that a pair of jeans that I finally could wear again without the deal breath and fear of sitting should go in the donate pile. I almost passed out and not from a lack of blood flow as would have previously been the case because they really did fit. The question was do they actually look good on me or am I blinded by the fact that I can finally wear them without being greased down and spooned into them. I was about to argue to keep them when suddenly it hit me. I will never get what I want this way. I want to simplify and move forward, but I keep holding myself back. Like most people I want it all. I even want the things I don't want. That may be because I am American, but the truth is that I had reached my goal. The jeans fit. Now I needed to let it go and move towards my goal of a streamlined closet to go with my vision of an organized life.
I am learning a lot this year and i was telling Husband last night that I am finally starting to feel more settled in who I am. I spent most of last year picking at the trivial and exposing my shallow self. Now I think I am ready to examine my core. Jigga is right. We all need to carry "Do Better" into this year. For me that also means "Do Less"- less complaining, less working, and less avoiding. Definitely less holding on to things I don't really need. This is my year to "Live Better".
If you think I am hyped now, just wait until I clean out the shirts.
Then came the hard part. I had to clean out my closet of all the things that did not fit. I am not a hoarder, but I do get emotionally attached to som things and clothes are one of those things. I will remember where I wore it or bought it or who gave it to me and if it if "special" I find myself keeping it. This time was even harder because I had been keeping something's in the hopes to wear them again and the fact that they fit was overriding good judgement regarding whether I should keep them. So I did the unthinkable. I asked Husband for his opinion. This does not normally happen, for one simple reason. I am normally not serious about purging. Usually I get rid of things that I really don't want, like gifts that I never would have worn or things that I can't remember what I liked about them or shrank in the dryer, but this time I risked it all. Husband is honest and will do anything to help me, so I know that once I ask him there is no turning back. It was awful.
We cut my jean collection in half, including a pair I have had since college and I went there before Y2K. Some people don't even know what that means. Maybe I am a little bit of a hoarder. That stung, but then he suggested that a pair of jeans that I finally could wear again without the deal breath and fear of sitting should go in the donate pile. I almost passed out and not from a lack of blood flow as would have previously been the case because they really did fit. The question was do they actually look good on me or am I blinded by the fact that I can finally wear them without being greased down and spooned into them. I was about to argue to keep them when suddenly it hit me. I will never get what I want this way. I want to simplify and move forward, but I keep holding myself back. Like most people I want it all. I even want the things I don't want. That may be because I am American, but the truth is that I had reached my goal. The jeans fit. Now I needed to let it go and move towards my goal of a streamlined closet to go with my vision of an organized life.
I am learning a lot this year and i was telling Husband last night that I am finally starting to feel more settled in who I am. I spent most of last year picking at the trivial and exposing my shallow self. Now I think I am ready to examine my core. Jigga is right. We all need to carry "Do Better" into this year. For me that also means "Do Less"- less complaining, less working, and less avoiding. Definitely less holding on to things I don't really need. This is my year to "Live Better".
If you think I am hyped now, just wait until I clean out the shirts.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Size Matters
Is it possible to wear both a size 10 and a size 2? I feel like I watch enough What Not To Wear to know that is probably not possible. They always say that fit is the most important thing and unless someone has switched the tag, one of these must not fit. I am not ready to let go of my big pants and I am not confident enough to try on my other smaller sizes. But none of that matters today because...
Today is MY birthday, Chicas! I am getting older and I am excited about it. Chyna was a little annoyed that my mother called us old, but I am good with that. There are only two alternatives to getting older. One is to stay young forever (impossible, but lets indulge). I remember being 18 and even 21 and I am perfectly okay with leaving those days behind. They were fun, but part of growing and maturing is realizing that you don't want to live that way forever. I don't want to go back to college or back to living with my parents on break or college relationships. People get so caught up in wanting to look young that they forget how stupid they were then. I would rather not.
The next choice is to die and even though I believe in heaven, I would like to spend more time here before going there. I will say it is because I really want to appreciate it when I get there.
So I am going to enjoy this day and milk it for all I can. Happy Birthday to me!
Today is MY birthday, Chicas! I am getting older and I am excited about it. Chyna was a little annoyed that my mother called us old, but I am good with that. There are only two alternatives to getting older. One is to stay young forever (impossible, but lets indulge). I remember being 18 and even 21 and I am perfectly okay with leaving those days behind. They were fun, but part of growing and maturing is realizing that you don't want to live that way forever. I don't want to go back to college or back to living with my parents on break or college relationships. People get so caught up in wanting to look young that they forget how stupid they were then. I would rather not.
The next choice is to die and even though I believe in heaven, I would like to spend more time here before going there. I will say it is because I really want to appreciate it when I get there.
So I am going to enjoy this day and milk it for all I can. Happy Birthday to me!
Monday, March 4, 2013
Parenting
I don't understand parents. I know that I am a parent and I must admit that sometimes I do not understand the words that come out of my mouth even as I say them. In many ways, parenting is like an out of body experience. It does not come with specific instructions at the hospital, but I do think there are some simple truths that cannot be ignored.
Do not let your children smell. Bathing your child or making sure that your child takes a bath is crucial. Don't you remember how awful it was when Adam Sandler realized he had let his son become the smelly kid in Big Daddy. I had a kid come into group last week that smelled so bad that I could hardly stay in the room. I just don't understand how that happens. I am sure there will come a time when I will have to turn the hose on my son, but rest assured, I will do it. I just can't understand how she could even bear to ride in the car with that and it is winter, so don't tell me she had the windows down. How hard is it to make sure they wash? It is for the good of everyone and that includes you.
Don't ignore the obvious. I cannot tell you how many times I have a parent try to tell me they are still not sure if anything is wrong after their kid was put out of school, touched others and punched them in the face. One mother who has such clear deficits that an accounting major could have diagnosed him asked me it I thought it was something that he would "just grow out of" or "normal teenage stuff". How many people does your kid have to touch before you think he might be having an issue? Why would everyone be lying? Just get it fixed. It is more embarrassing to see them on the news in 10 years than it will be to get him or her therapy now.
Uh oh... the boss of my house just woke up.
I will have to get back to this later.
Do not let your children smell. Bathing your child or making sure that your child takes a bath is crucial. Don't you remember how awful it was when Adam Sandler realized he had let his son become the smelly kid in Big Daddy. I had a kid come into group last week that smelled so bad that I could hardly stay in the room. I just don't understand how that happens. I am sure there will come a time when I will have to turn the hose on my son, but rest assured, I will do it. I just can't understand how she could even bear to ride in the car with that and it is winter, so don't tell me she had the windows down. How hard is it to make sure they wash? It is for the good of everyone and that includes you.
Don't ignore the obvious. I cannot tell you how many times I have a parent try to tell me they are still not sure if anything is wrong after their kid was put out of school, touched others and punched them in the face. One mother who has such clear deficits that an accounting major could have diagnosed him asked me it I thought it was something that he would "just grow out of" or "normal teenage stuff". How many people does your kid have to touch before you think he might be having an issue? Why would everyone be lying? Just get it fixed. It is more embarrassing to see them on the news in 10 years than it will be to get him or her therapy now.
Uh oh... the boss of my house just woke up.
I will have to get back to this later.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Wishes
I wish I could keep my eyes open when I sneeze, particularly, when I am driving.
I wish I could guarantee that my kids would not try drugs or become alcoholics.
I wish that I did not get phone calls during my kid's nap time.
I wish I could understand the Loan Forgiveness outline on the Sallie Mae site.
I wish I had a reliable babysitter.
I wish that both Republicans and Democrats would stop smelling themselves so hard and figure out how to do something productive.
I wish people would let me finish before they decide on what I am going to say.
I wish children came with better instructions, or any for that matter.
I wish I lived in one of those fairytales where the dishes cleaned themselves.
I wish wisdom did not take so long.
Most importantly today I wish Husband a Happy Birthday!
I wish I could guarantee that my kids would not try drugs or become alcoholics.
I wish that I did not get phone calls during my kid's nap time.
I wish I could understand the Loan Forgiveness outline on the Sallie Mae site.
I wish I had a reliable babysitter.
I wish that both Republicans and Democrats would stop smelling themselves so hard and figure out how to do something productive.
I wish people would let me finish before they decide on what I am going to say.
I wish children came with better instructions, or any for that matter.
I wish I lived in one of those fairytales where the dishes cleaned themselves.
I wish wisdom did not take so long.
Most importantly today I wish Husband a Happy Birthday!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Back at It
On Friday, after I had been at work for an hour, my boss came and told me that she had given me the day off as I requested weeks ago. "Why are you here?"
Me- because you did not approve my vacation request
Yes I did. I gave it back to you.
No
I sent it back to you
I never got it
Why didn't you come talk to me about it.
Silence ( I did not think it was a good time to say that I sent an email, asked about it a meeting and went and read the time calendar that you keep on your desk.) Can I leave now?
Well that is up to you and your team.
i left after my meeting and some typing, but I think this is just another example of how far things have gotten out of control. I am constantly working to keep my mouth shut. I don't know what I can do. I have been eating to keep myself from talking, but that is counter productive to my diet and my fast. So, I now that my mouth is no longer occupied by food, what can I do to keep it shut?
I went in late yesterday after taking my little boy to the dentist. He did an awesome job. There was another little boy who had to be held down while he got his teeth cleaned. LoLo looked at me and with the straightest face said, "He is not going to get a toy." I would normally miss moments like this because I work the worse hours ever, but I think I am done with that.
I have been looking and I don't seem to qualify for much in my field, but I can always go back to being an admin. That may be what I have to do. I don't have the money for private practice and I find that other people are not as serious as I am about taking that leap anyway.
I do know that I am done putting my children on the back burner for a job, especially one that tries to make me seem crazy. I know I would not have shown up to work if I had known in advance because I had been complaining for the last 3 weeks about her not approving my time. It helped me prove my point when another colleague acknowledged the same had happened to her. It was almost as good as when she told me I could not take a day because other people had been approved and neither of those people had asked for time off. (That is right, I checked. Then she told me it was automatic because of one person's birthday. Well, my birthday is next week, we will see if I get the special day off treatment.)
For now, I will just have to get back to looking and sending out resumes. Jigga says we need to take "Do Better" into 2013. She is right. I need to for real do better when it comes to my job situation. I make really bad choices. Not as bad as my boyfriend choices in high school, but still not stellar.
So I am back at it and hopefully this time I will get it right.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
2 Observations
What is it about the season of Lent that makes other people so generous? I am not talking about people you like either, but people who just the day before would have driven by you if they saw you on fire. These same people will offer to take you to lunch their "treat" the moment you tell yourself you are going fast during your lunch hour, or if you give up sweets, they come baring a tray of "homemade" whatever. It is like they just know.
It kind of makes me want to make my "sacrifice" something like not taking money from strangers or people who make me angry. At least if I break that I will know that I set them up for a change. Maybe my resolution should be to give up raises or vacation days. Then I can get excited when they offer me exactly what I agreed to refuse. I know that would probably not work, but I am just saying. I have not told anyone what I gave up for lent, but I have had several tests and I started late. I just don't know how it seems to happen every time.
Second, I don't know what is wrong with parents. I don't understand the crazy obsession with being your kids friend. I understand not wanting your kids to hate you, but giving up discipline and respect so that they will want to hang out with you is crazy. They are a kid. They have to hang out with you. They can't leave the house without you or your permission. Is your life so sad that you can't figure out that simple reasoning.
Husband and I have similar experiences with parents who just have no idea how to be parents. They don't know if they should give their kids medicine for reasons like he never takes it at his dad's house so I quit or because things are less structured at home so I only give it to him on school days despite him acting out and kicking people.
What in the world are they thinking. If you don't want your kid on medication, I can respect that, but just say that. Don't try to trick me. I also get things like, what do I do if he does not want to listen? Are you serious? You are a parent. Parent him and provide consequences and responsibilities. I know my kids are young, but I hope I never get to that place with them.
It is like my mother used to say, "I am not one of your friends. We can be friendly, but I will always be your mother."
Case closed.
It kind of makes me want to make my "sacrifice" something like not taking money from strangers or people who make me angry. At least if I break that I will know that I set them up for a change. Maybe my resolution should be to give up raises or vacation days. Then I can get excited when they offer me exactly what I agreed to refuse. I know that would probably not work, but I am just saying. I have not told anyone what I gave up for lent, but I have had several tests and I started late. I just don't know how it seems to happen every time.
Second, I don't know what is wrong with parents. I don't understand the crazy obsession with being your kids friend. I understand not wanting your kids to hate you, but giving up discipline and respect so that they will want to hang out with you is crazy. They are a kid. They have to hang out with you. They can't leave the house without you or your permission. Is your life so sad that you can't figure out that simple reasoning.
Husband and I have similar experiences with parents who just have no idea how to be parents. They don't know if they should give their kids medicine for reasons like he never takes it at his dad's house so I quit or because things are less structured at home so I only give it to him on school days despite him acting out and kicking people.
What in the world are they thinking. If you don't want your kid on medication, I can respect that, but just say that. Don't try to trick me. I also get things like, what do I do if he does not want to listen? Are you serious? You are a parent. Parent him and provide consequences and responsibilities. I know my kids are young, but I hope I never get to that place with them.
It is like my mother used to say, "I am not one of your friends. We can be friendly, but I will always be your mother."
Case closed.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Conspiracy Theory
Do you ever have days where it feels like everyone is out to get you and that they are all working together. I had one of those days. It started with another epic guilt trip from my mother, included a painfully long meeting at work and ended with an ethics test when a client's mother did not give him his medication.
By the end of the night I was over it. I get a call on my way home asking where Suga's pacifier is because she won't sleep without. It is at my parent's house and Husband wants me to get it on my way home. Thus, bringing me right back to the beginning of the crazy which overran my day.
I think I need a break, but I won't get one this weekend because I will be working. However, I am pretty sure that this will be my last weekend for a while. I say that knowing that I agreed to be on the schedule until the end of March. So, I will probably get to work today and find out I am scheduled to work every weekend in March- even the ones I did not put in for.
I could probably get over everyone else driving me crazy, but there is one person that I just do not understand being in on it. Me! More specifically,my abs. I have been working like crazy for the past few weeks and I am super excited to say that I am down one row of back fat. The crease is going away too. Yippee, but but my abs are still clearly on some kind of covert mission because I can't find them anywhere and that led me to a truly upsetting thought. What if I never see them again?
Is it too soon to give up hope? Maybe, but if I am going to have to work harder I just may have to quit on them. Right now I am doing 5 days a week and sometimes twice a day. If I don't see progress soon I will have to declare my abs the head of the conspiracy to make me crazy and put them on my terror list in the space currently reserved for my mother, directly above my children.
And while don't have a plan of action, I must be clear when I say I will not negotiate with terrorists.
By the end of the night I was over it. I get a call on my way home asking where Suga's pacifier is because she won't sleep without. It is at my parent's house and Husband wants me to get it on my way home. Thus, bringing me right back to the beginning of the crazy which overran my day.
I think I need a break, but I won't get one this weekend because I will be working. However, I am pretty sure that this will be my last weekend for a while. I say that knowing that I agreed to be on the schedule until the end of March. So, I will probably get to work today and find out I am scheduled to work every weekend in March- even the ones I did not put in for.
I could probably get over everyone else driving me crazy, but there is one person that I just do not understand being in on it. Me! More specifically,my abs. I have been working like crazy for the past few weeks and I am super excited to say that I am down one row of back fat. The crease is going away too. Yippee, but but my abs are still clearly on some kind of covert mission because I can't find them anywhere and that led me to a truly upsetting thought. What if I never see them again?
Is it too soon to give up hope? Maybe, but if I am going to have to work harder I just may have to quit on them. Right now I am doing 5 days a week and sometimes twice a day. If I don't see progress soon I will have to declare my abs the head of the conspiracy to make me crazy and put them on my terror list in the space currently reserved for my mother, directly above my children.
And while don't have a plan of action, I must be clear when I say I will not negotiate with terrorists.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Tucked In
I would like to add something new to the list of things I do not find attractive- tucked in Polo shirts.
Eww! I don't know who thinks that is cute, but it is never a good look for anyone too old for Granimals and too young for AARP.
So as not to jus pick on the fellas, I would also like to add something for the ladies. Ladies please stop wearing the stink face. There is nothing cute about it.it looks ridiculous most of the time and is totally unapproachable. I mean who wants to talk to someone walking around looking like they pooted and it smelled so bad that they offended themselves and tha is just being polite because really you look like a pensive judgmental shrew with nonsense of humor or enjoyment in life. Nothing about that says date me. It also does not encourage people to befriend you. Please stop telling yourself that it is because other people are jealous. It is because nobody wants to be around someone making that face.
Ridiculous themed jewelry is another issue that I will define as a unisex problem. You do not wear Tar Heel earrings to work unless you work on the NC campus and even then it should be Spirit Day because you are a grown up person and wearing feet in your ears looks stupid. Men, unless you are the member of a championship team you shoul not be wearing a team ring, logos as earrings or a team medallion around your neck. Groupies are lame, but male groupies who are still trying to grow up to blike their favorite player after age 13 are sad.
Don't be sad!
Eww! I don't know who thinks that is cute, but it is never a good look for anyone too old for Granimals and too young for AARP.
So as not to jus pick on the fellas, I would also like to add something for the ladies. Ladies please stop wearing the stink face. There is nothing cute about it.it looks ridiculous most of the time and is totally unapproachable. I mean who wants to talk to someone walking around looking like they pooted and it smelled so bad that they offended themselves and tha is just being polite because really you look like a pensive judgmental shrew with nonsense of humor or enjoyment in life. Nothing about that says date me. It also does not encourage people to befriend you. Please stop telling yourself that it is because other people are jealous. It is because nobody wants to be around someone making that face.
Ridiculous themed jewelry is another issue that I will define as a unisex problem. You do not wear Tar Heel earrings to work unless you work on the NC campus and even then it should be Spirit Day because you are a grown up person and wearing feet in your ears looks stupid. Men, unless you are the member of a championship team you shoul not be wearing a team ring, logos as earrings or a team medallion around your neck. Groupies are lame, but male groupies who are still trying to grow up to blike their favorite player after age 13 are sad.
Don't be sad!
Monday, February 11, 2013
Big Girl Room
Suga Booga moved into her "Big Girl" room this weekend. The crib is gone and the toddler bed is up. She has a Minnie Mouse theme and her own little desk. She even said, "I love it!" I am so proud of Husband. He worked really hard on this. Even LoLo helped.
It was nice to spend my weekend with them and not think about work. I actually got a lot done. I even cleaned out my email. I went from over 2000 emails to 14. I washed clothes and dishes. I worked out and relaxed. Husband and I had a date night (it was at home because we still have not found a replacement for our sitter, but it was awesome to hang out with him). This was by far the best weekend I have had in a long time.
Now I have to ruin it by going to work. I found some resources while going through my emails about jobs. Another reason for me to become more responsible. My goal for this month is to make cleaning the dishes in a timely fashion my new habit. You may remember that last month was exercise. I am proud to say that my routine is still working, but next month is probably going to have to be money management or email checking. Who am I fooling. I hate budgeting, so email it is. Why ruin my birth month with a task I hate!
I am happy to report that for the first time in a long time, I am happy right now. My Suga is becoming a "big girl" and o is her Mommy.
It was nice to spend my weekend with them and not think about work. I actually got a lot done. I even cleaned out my email. I went from over 2000 emails to 14. I washed clothes and dishes. I worked out and relaxed. Husband and I had a date night (it was at home because we still have not found a replacement for our sitter, but it was awesome to hang out with him). This was by far the best weekend I have had in a long time.
Now I have to ruin it by going to work. I found some resources while going through my emails about jobs. Another reason for me to become more responsible. My goal for this month is to make cleaning the dishes in a timely fashion my new habit. You may remember that last month was exercise. I am proud to say that my routine is still working, but next month is probably going to have to be money management or email checking. Who am I fooling. I hate budgeting, so email it is. Why ruin my birth month with a task I hate!
I am happy to report that for the first time in a long time, I am happy right now. My Suga is becoming a "big girl" and o is her Mommy.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Finally Free
I finally broke 150. That is the first time since having Suga that I can say that with a straight face. I am really happy about my progress. Even that trip to McDonalds could not derail me. That is a big deal because McDonalds is a huge trap for me and falling off that wagon usually has weeks of struggling to get back on track and lots of shame and regret. It is like hooking up with that guy you told all your friends that you would NEVER speak to again after what he did.
McDonalds is like that for me because McDonalds or more honestly my addiction to MCDonalds almost ruined my wedding. It was not until I found myself sitting in the bridal store parking lot before a dress fitting shoving fries in my mouth, hoping nobody saw me, that I realized I needed to make a change. Did I mention that I had made a U-turn to get these fries? I decided then and ther to do better. I could not let fries derail my wedding dress and I have been pretty good about making McDonalds occasional. That was my first meal there this year.
The thing is, I did not enjoy it as much as I normally would. The fries were not fresh at all and something seemed a little off about my burger. Then, to make matters worse, I had to type it into my fitness app. I wasted a whopping 990 calories on a meal that I did not even enjoy. Boo! Even the smell wa questionable to me. That is like three quarters of my daily allowance wasted. Grr! That is not a good return on my investment, if you know what I mean.
I don't think I am in a position to say never, but it is going to take some really good reasoning for me to go back. I think I may finally be free of that vice. Woo Hoo! Bring on the flat abs!
McDonalds is like that for me because McDonalds or more honestly my addiction to MCDonalds almost ruined my wedding. It was not until I found myself sitting in the bridal store parking lot before a dress fitting shoving fries in my mouth, hoping nobody saw me, that I realized I needed to make a change. Did I mention that I had made a U-turn to get these fries? I decided then and ther to do better. I could not let fries derail my wedding dress and I have been pretty good about making McDonalds occasional. That was my first meal there this year.
The thing is, I did not enjoy it as much as I normally would. The fries were not fresh at all and something seemed a little off about my burger. Then, to make matters worse, I had to type it into my fitness app. I wasted a whopping 990 calories on a meal that I did not even enjoy. Boo! Even the smell wa questionable to me. That is like three quarters of my daily allowance wasted. Grr! That is not a good return on my investment, if you know what I mean.
I don't think I am in a position to say never, but it is going to take some really good reasoning for me to go back. I think I may finally be free of that vice. Woo Hoo! Bring on the flat abs!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Next Level
First, I must announce that I have lost 5 pounds and the mom who wanted to chew me out canceled her meeting. I am SUPER excited about those two things and am pretty sure that nothing can ruin my week as I once again have tangible proof that God is both real and in my corner. What, what!?!
I am also psyched and afraid about taking my life to the next level. I have been working with my mom this year on setting small goals to get to a better lifestyle. For example, her only goal for the month of January was to drink more water. Everyday, I would call and check until she made it a habit. Unfortunately, I now have a habit of asking about her water intake, but lets be honest, I have way worse habits. Her goal for this month is to exercise for 10 minutes everyday. She says it is working and she is feeling better. That also makes me happy because she had to admit that I was right and any daughter will tell you that getting your mother to say that is almost as impressive as winning Olympics gold without steroids.
But this is still my mother and so no compliment comes without a challenge. She let it be known that if I want her to do better I will also need to step up to the plate and work on some things. Much like my choosing her first goal she chose a beginner goal for me - to keep my kitchen clean. This really means that she is tired of me procrastinating on washing the dishes because the rest of my kitchen is clean and dirty dishes are her pet peeve. She in no uncertain terms let it be known that I will need to do something for her if I want her to keep working. Basically, if I want a healthy mom, I will need an empty sink. It is top notch trickery. I can't say that my freedom to stall on dishes is more important than her health. Oh, is she crafty.
So I will be forced to take this makeover to the next level and start making some more lifestyle changes. I just signed up to get my credit score info and boy was I surprised. I am pretty sure two of the things listed are not mine at all. I am more than okay with going down for my own mistakes, but not for stuff I did not do. So, I have to put on my big girl voice and fight to clean up my credit. I am telling you, I am taking it to the next level.
Me and Fergie, so 3008! Boom, boom, boom!
I am also psyched and afraid about taking my life to the next level. I have been working with my mom this year on setting small goals to get to a better lifestyle. For example, her only goal for the month of January was to drink more water. Everyday, I would call and check until she made it a habit. Unfortunately, I now have a habit of asking about her water intake, but lets be honest, I have way worse habits. Her goal for this month is to exercise for 10 minutes everyday. She says it is working and she is feeling better. That also makes me happy because she had to admit that I was right and any daughter will tell you that getting your mother to say that is almost as impressive as winning Olympics gold without steroids.
But this is still my mother and so no compliment comes without a challenge. She let it be known that if I want her to do better I will also need to step up to the plate and work on some things. Much like my choosing her first goal she chose a beginner goal for me - to keep my kitchen clean. This really means that she is tired of me procrastinating on washing the dishes because the rest of my kitchen is clean and dirty dishes are her pet peeve. She in no uncertain terms let it be known that I will need to do something for her if I want her to keep working. Basically, if I want a healthy mom, I will need an empty sink. It is top notch trickery. I can't say that my freedom to stall on dishes is more important than her health. Oh, is she crafty.
So I will be forced to take this makeover to the next level and start making some more lifestyle changes. I just signed up to get my credit score info and boy was I surprised. I am pretty sure two of the things listed are not mine at all. I am more than okay with going down for my own mistakes, but not for stuff I did not do. So, I have to put on my big girl voice and fight to clean up my credit. I am telling you, I am taking it to the next level.
Me and Fergie, so 3008! Boom, boom, boom!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
I Don't Want It
Those are Suga's new favorite words. If she can't get he way she will pout, cross her arms and say with conviction something like, "I don't want night night." That also reminds me of something. Why do we say everything to kids twice- night night, eat eat, yum yum. That is so weird to me, but I do it too.
Her birthday is coming up and I am faced with a problem that I never really had before. I don't know who to invite. She is having a little kid party and I don't really know people with kids her age. I never really had that issue with LoLo because the kids I know are close enough in age to invite usually. On top of that I really feel weird about presents. I don't want people to feel like they have to get her a gift. I invite people for fun- not gifts. She is a LOT of things, but "in need" is not one of them. This is a issue for me because we don't get invited to more than two parties and so I don't feel like we ever return the favor and that bothers me. Would it be weird to give a gift with the invite (giving a Toy'sRUs card might be seen as giving a card for them to buy her a gift and that would be too weird, even for me) or have a couple of presents at her party for other kids. I don't know, but I am thinking about it.
My next concern is LoLo. I wanted to invite one of his school friends, but he is at that age where everyone is learning to be friends and inviting one means inviting all. That won't bother Jenna because, like I said, she currently does not have any friends to invite, but it will bother her Daddy, my sweet Husband, who would really appreciate me staying on budget this year. Inviting LoLo's whole class is not a good way to do that. Although maybe I should invite that girl he kicked in the mouth the other day as a peace offering.
That is a lot to think about, but maybe the hardest part is wrapping my mind around the fact that my little girls will be turning two soon. She is getting ready to move out the nursery and into a big girl room and big girl bed. It is crazy to me and find myself holding her tight, trying get the last of her baby smell etched in my mind and thinking about how much she is going to keep changing and I find myself wanting to say the same thing she does.
I don't want it!
Her birthday is coming up and I am faced with a problem that I never really had before. I don't know who to invite. She is having a little kid party and I don't really know people with kids her age. I never really had that issue with LoLo because the kids I know are close enough in age to invite usually. On top of that I really feel weird about presents. I don't want people to feel like they have to get her a gift. I invite people for fun- not gifts. She is a LOT of things, but "in need" is not one of them. This is a issue for me because we don't get invited to more than two parties and so I don't feel like we ever return the favor and that bothers me. Would it be weird to give a gift with the invite (giving a Toy'sRUs card might be seen as giving a card for them to buy her a gift and that would be too weird, even for me) or have a couple of presents at her party for other kids. I don't know, but I am thinking about it.
My next concern is LoLo. I wanted to invite one of his school friends, but he is at that age where everyone is learning to be friends and inviting one means inviting all. That won't bother Jenna because, like I said, she currently does not have any friends to invite, but it will bother her Daddy, my sweet Husband, who would really appreciate me staying on budget this year. Inviting LoLo's whole class is not a good way to do that. Although maybe I should invite that girl he kicked in the mouth the other day as a peace offering.
That is a lot to think about, but maybe the hardest part is wrapping my mind around the fact that my little girls will be turning two soon. She is getting ready to move out the nursery and into a big girl room and big girl bed. It is crazy to me and find myself holding her tight, trying get the last of her baby smell etched in my mind and thinking about how much she is going to keep changing and I find myself wanting to say the same thing she does.
I don't want it!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Shame Diet
So, I went out with my girls on Friday and it was great to sit and laugh and stuff, but of course they had to tell me about their new fitness app that helps you create and track your diet. I swore to myself as we were talking that I would not get into this. I used to have a similar program, but it just got to be too much work to keep up with, but they say this one is so easy and it has a barcode scanner. What?!?
I am known for my willpower. So, I made it to the next morning. This app is ridiculous. I love it and I hate it. I am sure that I will lose weight because I am too Christian to lie and too ashamed to write more things than necessary. There go all my extra snacks. I am apparently never going to be under the sugar limit of my personalized plan. I am over that limit before lunch having only eaten a Greek yogurt and a peach. We are going to have to chalk that up to the game and call it a loss.
I did put in my exercise to create some balance. I have to say that it felt good to win back some fat grams and it was nice to find out that I eat way fewer carbs than I would have guessed. I do, however, need to drink more water. I am willing to work on that. The good news is that according to the program, I can lose almost 10 pounds in the next 5 weeks if I keep eating like I did yesterday. The bad news is that I was struggling to stay on track yesterday. Hopefully, that will get easier with time.
I am willing to endure the shaming food tracker and share my story here for some accountability if it means that I will be able to close out this year having completed at least one goal and getting a good job with a normal and rationally thinking, supportive boss is seeming more and more like an impossibility.
As a side note, I think that I would eat way less if I were not angry at work all the time. I Che o tat I won't be expected to talk. It is my take on the idea about not saying anything when you don't have anything nice to say, but I may have to start talking so that I can drop a few pounds.
I am known for my willpower. So, I made it to the next morning. This app is ridiculous. I love it and I hate it. I am sure that I will lose weight because I am too Christian to lie and too ashamed to write more things than necessary. There go all my extra snacks. I am apparently never going to be under the sugar limit of my personalized plan. I am over that limit before lunch having only eaten a Greek yogurt and a peach. We are going to have to chalk that up to the game and call it a loss.
I did put in my exercise to create some balance. I have to say that it felt good to win back some fat grams and it was nice to find out that I eat way fewer carbs than I would have guessed. I do, however, need to drink more water. I am willing to work on that. The good news is that according to the program, I can lose almost 10 pounds in the next 5 weeks if I keep eating like I did yesterday. The bad news is that I was struggling to stay on track yesterday. Hopefully, that will get easier with time.
I am willing to endure the shaming food tracker and share my story here for some accountability if it means that I will be able to close out this year having completed at least one goal and getting a good job with a normal and rationally thinking, supportive boss is seeming more and more like an impossibility.
As a side note, I think that I would eat way less if I were not angry at work all the time. I Che o tat I won't be expected to talk. It is my take on the idea about not saying anything when you don't have anything nice to say, but I may have to start talking so that I can drop a few pounds.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
3 Girls Reunion
One of the things I miss most about my old job is spending lunch with Jigga and JJ Santana. I also miss Lotus, but she left before I did, so I don't know if she counts as being a part of the old job. A staple of our lunch hour was laughing hysterically at different magazines. It could be anything from Vogue to US Weekly to Home and Garden. Nobody got away unscathed and this Friday we are meeting up.
I am super excited. My boss tried to keep us apart by lying directly to my face about why I could not leave early, but my girls were not deterred and we adjusted ourselves accordingly. She told me someone else had asked off and been approved. That person told me they did not and when confronted, my boss did what she always does. She made excuses, but I don't care because I am still going. I don't even care that I have work the next day because I am truly fun deprived.
I want to know random things like are the events I used to plan more or less fun now that I am gone. Are he crazy people still crazy and if anyone has gotten, fat, skinny, married or divorced. I may even have to bring a magazine for old times sake.
I am super excited. My boss tried to keep us apart by lying directly to my face about why I could not leave early, but my girls were not deterred and we adjusted ourselves accordingly. She told me someone else had asked off and been approved. That person told me they did not and when confronted, my boss did what she always does. She made excuses, but I don't care because I am still going. I don't even care that I have work the next day because I am truly fun deprived.
I want to know random things like are the events I used to plan more or less fun now that I am gone. Are he crazy people still crazy and if anyone has gotten, fat, skinny, married or divorced. I may even have to bring a magazine for old times sake.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Gun Control
I recently saw a rally full of gun activists. They all seemed to be upset about the potential new gun laws that they feel will interfere with the ability to exercise their 2nd Amendment rights. I may not be a gun advocate, but I support the Constitution. I support the being able to bear arms as a means of providing food for their families and to protect their homes, but their are just something's about gun advocates I don't understand.
1. What is the big deal about having to pass a background check. If you are such a fine upstanding citizen and just want to be able to protect your home, why not embrace to background check. That may make it one less criminal trespasser you have to shoot. What is so pressing in your life that you need the gun right this minute? You knew about the hunting trip in enough time to get the riffle and let's be honest you already have several that you could use if it was last minute. In the rush to make it convenient for law abiding don't forget that you are also making it easy for the crazy and the dangerous.
2. Why do you need military grade weapons? Are you prepping for some kind of invasion? I have seen the same footage that you have of other counties where citizens are in the midst of civil unrest and have taken up arms. Places where children and grandmothers have Uzis. That is what you want? I hope not because things don't look so rosy to me. Are you worried that terrorist are going to helicopter in and you and your well armed neighbors will be the only hope? Stop watching Red Dawn and Rambo marathons late at night. It may be starting to get you. Should we be attacked, we do actually have a functioning military and should things get so desperate that they need to call you, they will. I am sure your name is on a list somewhere. (Conspiracy theory alert!)
3. What are you hunting that you need a AK-47 to kill? This is an extension of number 2. I don't hunt, but I respect people who hunt for food. If you plan to eat it or wear it, then by all means go out and get it, but what animal needs to be shot with multiple rounds of ammunition. That level of fire power is usually reserved for humans, not dear and I am not down with people hunting.
Maybe I will never understand.
1. What is the big deal about having to pass a background check. If you are such a fine upstanding citizen and just want to be able to protect your home, why not embrace to background check. That may make it one less criminal trespasser you have to shoot. What is so pressing in your life that you need the gun right this minute? You knew about the hunting trip in enough time to get the riffle and let's be honest you already have several that you could use if it was last minute. In the rush to make it convenient for law abiding don't forget that you are also making it easy for the crazy and the dangerous.
2. Why do you need military grade weapons? Are you prepping for some kind of invasion? I have seen the same footage that you have of other counties where citizens are in the midst of civil unrest and have taken up arms. Places where children and grandmothers have Uzis. That is what you want? I hope not because things don't look so rosy to me. Are you worried that terrorist are going to helicopter in and you and your well armed neighbors will be the only hope? Stop watching Red Dawn and Rambo marathons late at night. It may be starting to get you. Should we be attacked, we do actually have a functioning military and should things get so desperate that they need to call you, they will. I am sure your name is on a list somewhere. (Conspiracy theory alert!)
3. What are you hunting that you need a AK-47 to kill? This is an extension of number 2. I don't hunt, but I respect people who hunt for food. If you plan to eat it or wear it, then by all means go out and get it, but what animal needs to be shot with multiple rounds of ammunition. That level of fire power is usually reserved for humans, not dear and I am not down with people hunting.
Maybe I will never understand.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Resume
I hav made it clear that I want a new job, but I have not made a concerted effort to get one. It is just such a daunting task to me. Updating and tweaking my résumé is akin to torture for me. The idea of going on interviews I disheartening. I mean, really, it was hard enough to get these people to like me. Now you want me to resume my search with a new résumé in hand and smile on my face. Boo to that.
I don't know if you are anything like me when it comes to interview prep, but I tend to pick out m perceived weaknesses in the hopes that I will be prepared to address them should the other person pick up on them. I am no fool. I am not going to point them out, but I can't pretend like they don't exist and go in unprepared. Thi may sound like a good plan ,but it does nothing to ease insecurities. It can also be as equally frustrating as fixing my résumé.
Then there is the whole idea of being able to market yourself. If I had wanted to learn how to sell myself, I would have gone into prostitution. I know there are some people who love a sles pitch, but I am not one of them and my intense dislike of people putting on the game face for me makes it extremely difficult for me to do it to others. Then I am just getting on my own nerves and that is stupid.
I can totally see how people stay at a job for twenty or thirty years. They are like me. I a person who does not want a lot of fuss or confusion. I want to be stable and taken care of by a company that acknowledges and utilizes my skills. I just want to be somewhere I can do what I love and not be mistreated. It seems so simple, yet has so far proven too much to ask.
I don't know if you are anything like me when it comes to interview prep, but I tend to pick out m perceived weaknesses in the hopes that I will be prepared to address them should the other person pick up on them. I am no fool. I am not going to point them out, but I can't pretend like they don't exist and go in unprepared. Thi may sound like a good plan ,but it does nothing to ease insecurities. It can also be as equally frustrating as fixing my résumé.
Then there is the whole idea of being able to market yourself. If I had wanted to learn how to sell myself, I would have gone into prostitution. I know there are some people who love a sles pitch, but I am not one of them and my intense dislike of people putting on the game face for me makes it extremely difficult for me to do it to others. Then I am just getting on my own nerves and that is stupid.
I can totally see how people stay at a job for twenty or thirty years. They are like me. I a person who does not want a lot of fuss or confusion. I want to be stable and taken care of by a company that acknowledges and utilizes my skills. I just want to be somewhere I can do what I love and not be mistreated. It seems so simple, yet has so far proven too much to ask.
Surroundings
As I was waiting for my Clinical Supervisor to appear, I realized something. I am sure you all remember my weight loss plan and my resolution to stay motivated. As I sat in the IHOP parking lot that I need to stop hanging out in places full of fat people.
I know that sounds harsh, but I think for me it may be true. I like to watch people and as I sat in my car, I started to pay attention to the people who were coming out of the restaurant. I am not saying that they were all fat, but I will say that the majority could have benefited from a more effective work out regimen.
Then it dawned on me. Much the same way I tell my addiction clients that they need to change their old handouts and habits, I may need to trade in some of my old haunts. Standing outside in the smokers corner and bars is not a good way to quit smoking and sitting in a booth surrounded by pancakes is probably not the best way to stay focused on a healthy eating plan.
I need to start going places that healthy (in this case read thinner) people go to eat. Places that understand that elusive concept of portion control. That is not to say that I can never go back. I don't think the occasional short stack is going to kill the plan, but if I want to get serious this year and stay motivated, I need to stop going places where the people make me feel like my bad habits are okay either because they have them or because they are fatter than me.
Don't judge me; I know you do it too.
I know that sounds harsh, but I think for me it may be true. I like to watch people and as I sat in my car, I started to pay attention to the people who were coming out of the restaurant. I am not saying that they were all fat, but I will say that the majority could have benefited from a more effective work out regimen.
Then it dawned on me. Much the same way I tell my addiction clients that they need to change their old handouts and habits, I may need to trade in some of my old haunts. Standing outside in the smokers corner and bars is not a good way to quit smoking and sitting in a booth surrounded by pancakes is probably not the best way to stay focused on a healthy eating plan.
I need to start going places that healthy (in this case read thinner) people go to eat. Places that understand that elusive concept of portion control. That is not to say that I can never go back. I don't think the occasional short stack is going to kill the plan, but if I want to get serious this year and stay motivated, I need to stop going places where the people make me feel like my bad habits are okay either because they have them or because they are fatter than me.
Don't judge me; I know you do it too.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Baby I Deserve
I don't know how many people remember that song "Maybe I Deserve" by Tank. I loved that song when it came and would probably sing it loudly in my car if it were to start playing (very little chance of that considering I mostly listen to the gospel station, but stranger things have happened- remember the cheating song lady doing a radio promo. I'm just saying.) The song is basically about a guy who cheated on his girlfriend telling her that he deserves to be treated the same way. When he is singing it sounds like he is saying that he wants to stay with her and would be willing to deal with some payback (FYI- he is not saying that.)
This song came to my mind after Husband told me that wife in one of our couple friends is filing for divorce. I am a little annoyed because I am well aware that as much as I like her, we are going to him in the divorce. Anyone who has been through it knows that friendships are like children and someone always ends up with "primary" custody and in this case he was Husband's friend first and then he got married. That means when they break-up we will be viewed primarily as his friend. Normally when someone files for divorce, I feel bad for the other person, but not this time. don't think she is blameless in that she let him slack off in so many ways with no repercussions under the guise of being supportive of him and his dreams. She worked and went to school, while letting him be at home half taking care of the kids. This fool takes the cake because he cheated and still seems perplexed as to why she does not want to stay.
Generally speaking, I do not find infidelity to be an automatic deal breaker. I think there are a lot of issues that need to be weighed by the people involved in the situation and I respect those that view it as a wake up call and work to overcome it and develop healthier and stronger relationships because of it. That was not the case this time. This is not his first time "dipping out", as Husband calls it. This girl has forgiven him at least three other times according to my count, including once with either a close friend or family member. I find that to be crazy. This last time happened after she left and he professed to realizing that he needed to do better overall. He was working. They seemed to have turned a corner and then...he lets some chick from work drive him home.
The neighbors dropped the dime on him and she confronted him and I guess he confessed. I won't even get into how annoyed I am by his continuous use of Bible verses to talk about becoming a better man and such, while being trifling. IThat burns my biscuits in a whole other kind of way, but hearing this story made me think of that song. I thought if anyone deserves to know what it is like to have someone bring another man into his home to dirty up the sheets, it is this dude. He deserves to wonder who she is texting and giggling with. He should be singing this song, but then it dawned on me that the guys who sing this kind of song are just doing it so that they can feel like things are even. Like by letting you do it, it somehow absolves them from any wrong doing. That is not at all what they deserve. It is certainly not what he deserves
He deserves to sit at home alone and broke with the knowledge that he ruined a beautiful family, hurt his wife and children, without anyone to blame it on but himself. Knowing that she was faithful and supportive when nobody else was there for him makes the sting so much stronger and that is what he deserves.
This song came to my mind after Husband told me that wife in one of our couple friends is filing for divorce. I am a little annoyed because I am well aware that as much as I like her, we are going to him in the divorce. Anyone who has been through it knows that friendships are like children and someone always ends up with "primary" custody and in this case he was Husband's friend first and then he got married. That means when they break-up we will be viewed primarily as his friend. Normally when someone files for divorce, I feel bad for the other person, but not this time. don't think she is blameless in that she let him slack off in so many ways with no repercussions under the guise of being supportive of him and his dreams. She worked and went to school, while letting him be at home half taking care of the kids. This fool takes the cake because he cheated and still seems perplexed as to why she does not want to stay.
Generally speaking, I do not find infidelity to be an automatic deal breaker. I think there are a lot of issues that need to be weighed by the people involved in the situation and I respect those that view it as a wake up call and work to overcome it and develop healthier and stronger relationships because of it. That was not the case this time. This is not his first time "dipping out", as Husband calls it. This girl has forgiven him at least three other times according to my count, including once with either a close friend or family member. I find that to be crazy. This last time happened after she left and he professed to realizing that he needed to do better overall. He was working. They seemed to have turned a corner and then...he lets some chick from work drive him home.
The neighbors dropped the dime on him and she confronted him and I guess he confessed. I won't even get into how annoyed I am by his continuous use of Bible verses to talk about becoming a better man and such, while being trifling. IThat burns my biscuits in a whole other kind of way, but hearing this story made me think of that song. I thought if anyone deserves to know what it is like to have someone bring another man into his home to dirty up the sheets, it is this dude. He deserves to wonder who she is texting and giggling with. He should be singing this song, but then it dawned on me that the guys who sing this kind of song are just doing it so that they can feel like things are even. Like by letting you do it, it somehow absolves them from any wrong doing. That is not at all what they deserve. It is certainly not what he deserves
He deserves to sit at home alone and broke with the knowledge that he ruined a beautiful family, hurt his wife and children, without anyone to blame it on but himself. Knowing that she was faithful and supportive when nobody else was there for him makes the sting so much stronger and that is what he deserves.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Fine Print
I recently came across a woman who may have been suffering from diet pill induced hallucinations. This led to a semi-serious conversation with Chyna. The truth is that warning is rarely on the front of the package. Chyna joked that things like may cause hallucinations are more than likely on the back in the smallest font possible. That got me thinking.
Maybe that is what I should be reading first instead of the ingredients. Think about it for a minute. We all know that the catch is usually in the fine print of contracts and those win a prize deals, but how many of us think about that for our food and diet products. I liken it to those commercials for things like Cialis and Work Shift Syndrome. After you hear the long list of possible side effects for the pill to help those who work the night shift (heart attack, suicidal thoughts, paranoia, manic episodes, etc.) you realize that a cup of coffee will work just as well.
I am sure that if the front of the box said that it could result in a psychotic break she would have just cut out the carbs.
Maybe that is what I should be reading first instead of the ingredients. Think about it for a minute. We all know that the catch is usually in the fine print of contracts and those win a prize deals, but how many of us think about that for our food and diet products. I liken it to those commercials for things like Cialis and Work Shift Syndrome. After you hear the long list of possible side effects for the pill to help those who work the night shift (heart attack, suicidal thoughts, paranoia, manic episodes, etc.) you realize that a cup of coffee will work just as well.
I am sure that if the front of the box said that it could result in a psychotic break she would have just cut out the carbs.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Day One
Happy New Year!
This is day one not just of the new year, but of my new resolve to get fit. Husband has been gone since the day after Christmas and my plan was to work out everyday while he was gone. Today is the first day that I have actually done it. It felt good. I have to honest when I say that I have no idea how I will be able to keep it up, but my resolution is to stay motivated.
Statistics say that I will probably last until the end of the week. I pray to God that they are wrong about that. I have been thinking (yes, dangerous, I know.) and I think that small goals with several little timeline check-ins could work. I am even considering buying a scale. I haven't had one of those in over a decade. I think it could be good for me to hold myself more accountable and get some tangible results other than the clothes I am too afraid to try on.
I also went to my mother's house for the customary black eyed peas (luck) and collard greens (money). I did not eat the something sweet unless the yogurt I ate earlier counts. I hope that won't make this year sour. Especially, since I had an interview yesterday. Last year was hard for me in a lot of ways. I am ready for things to change.
My year has begun and I am so ready for it to be a good one.
This is day one not just of the new year, but of my new resolve to get fit. Husband has been gone since the day after Christmas and my plan was to work out everyday while he was gone. Today is the first day that I have actually done it. It felt good. I have to honest when I say that I have no idea how I will be able to keep it up, but my resolution is to stay motivated.
Statistics say that I will probably last until the end of the week. I pray to God that they are wrong about that. I have been thinking (yes, dangerous, I know.) and I think that small goals with several little timeline check-ins could work. I am even considering buying a scale. I haven't had one of those in over a decade. I think it could be good for me to hold myself more accountable and get some tangible results other than the clothes I am too afraid to try on.
I also went to my mother's house for the customary black eyed peas (luck) and collard greens (money). I did not eat the something sweet unless the yogurt I ate earlier counts. I hope that won't make this year sour. Especially, since I had an interview yesterday. Last year was hard for me in a lot of ways. I am ready for things to change.
My year has begun and I am so ready for it to be a good one.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)