Praise Him

I got the job!!! I can only thank God. I did not even seek this job out. They called me. Things like that only by the grace of God. I am going to work really hard to get my stuff together and start with clean slate. I am excited, but I am going to go into this job with my eyes open and not expect too much.

I was riding in the car the other day and the Britney Spears and wil.i.am song came on the radio. It made me miss the days when she would at least pretend to sing a song. She is not the only person. I remember when virtually every song consisted of verse chorus verse chorus breakdown and chorus to fade out. Now I just hear the same 4 lines over and over backed by a dub step/ pumped up house/ techno beat. It reminds me of the time I heard the guy who sings "it's time for the percolator" was coming for a concert. If you don't know the song, it consists of one line with a beat that sounds like the Neptunes studio exploded. Why in the world would I want to go to that concert? The latest songs make me ask the same questions about other artists.

I don't want to pay to watch you dance around I go to sing along, but singing involves words. It is like a movie with no plot.

I just don't see the appeal.

The Big Day...Again

So toady is once again supposed to be the big day where the people from my potential new job get back to me about whether or not I am hired. I am keeping, my hopes up, but I have to admit that waiting does sometimes make me nervous. Working out this morning did help take my mind off of it, but as I get ready for work, I cannot help but think of starting over again with a new job. I am excited by the prospect of a shorter commute, but I have to admit that I have gotten used to my routine and it will be hard to go back to traditional hours after having mornings to myself, but after going in super early one day last week and the week before only to be saddled with more work I am not sure if that statement continues to apply.

The people in my life who love me have been trying very hard to keep me upbeat about all of the tension surrounding work and with that intention, Mallow graciously offered to watch LoLo and Suga Saturday night. This was great because I cannot remember the last time that Husband and I were kid free after dark. We also had a easy breezy morning because rain caused soccer to be canceled. We schleped around in our pajamas for a while and got ready to go with Mallow. Then Husband and I hit the ground running. We went to dinner, shopping and a movie all by 9:35. We left the house at about 5. Then we went to see a not so close friend at his lounge because it is our goal for the year to be more supportive of local businesses, especially those run by people we know, but they were closed for renovations. That left us with nothing to do. We are usually chasing people through the house at this time reminding them that we have to get up early tomorrow and that the IPad is not a bettime toy.

I called Mallow and she suggested a few things, one of which had to be a joke. She suggested we go to a club. I let her know in no uncertain terms that I would not be entering a building where they would potentially play Lil' Wayne and actually be serious. Then I called Jigga to find out what she does on kid free nights. She eats. A good idea except for the fact that we had already eaten. I called Mallow back because I told her I would give her 10 minutes to come up with a better plan before I fired her as my cool single friend.  She came up with better one's this time, but none seemed appropriate for us. The best part was when Husband looked at me earnestly and asked what else there was to do. I had to laugh as I looked back at him and responded as lovingly as possible, "How would I know? You may remember me as the woman lying next to you in bed at this point in the night."

We went a local place and played pool. Well, Husband played. I did something more akin to making a mess of his planned shots because pool and my lack of spatial awareness are a joke together. The best part was that with the exception of a few times in the beginning, Husband and I did not talk about work or kids or bills or whatever it is we talk about all week. We just had fun. We laughed and acted like the people we were before the rings, the house and the responsibilities. It was an awesome way to to spend the weekend. NO worries, but...

Monday is here again and I am waiting to hear if I will have a new job and inspiration to share.

Never Easy

Will someone please tell me when Zumba will stop being so hard? I have been doing it for two months and it is still kicking my butt and hurting in places I thought I would have built up a tolerance in. The addition of harder ab focused workouts is not helping me feel better, but I'd the number of times I call on God to help is any indication of salvation, I am definitely going to heaven if I die today. You may remember that this week was the start of my increased intensity workout and I certainly feel it. I am 13 pounds down with 17 more to go before I am back to pre-baby status. I have to admit that I still have concerns about what my post-baby body will look like at pre-baby weight. I mean, what happens to the extra skin. I am too scared and cheap foe plastic surgery. Does that mean I will have to tuck it into my underwear or start rocking those "natural" waist pants? I am not sure, but I will find out soon enough if I keep this up.

All this kicked in after I booked the trip to Florida for Husband and I to go on vacation with his sister and her beau. I really don't want her to look better than me. That meant I had to get it together. That is one of those times that being shallow has been a benefit. It was good motivation. I am excited to go because I love my SIL. She is great and this is te first guy that she seemed to be really into, but now they are in a rough patch and he may not go. I will discuss that another day. The point of today is that this trip better happen because I di not work this hard for nothing. I am going on this trip and I am going to rocking my new body. I have crunched, lunged, danced, and boot camped myself twice a day, five days a week for two months and I be damned if I am not going on this trip. I don't care who is mad at who.

And that is final!

Two Months

I have two months until my vacation and today was the first morning of my new workout regimen. It hurts. I was so not looking forward to it that I did not even read it until last night. I do think it is time for a change because I was starting to slack off a bit. I say it is because I am tired and that is true, but I am also tired of being out of shape. I did have a good weekend, though.

LoLo started soccer and he and Suga went to a birthday party where they were surprisingly not the rowdiest one there. Thank God for small miracles. By the way Jigga, your boy is a cutie. Two thumbs up for that and seems nice, too. The point is that I felt rested enough to get up and get moving this morning.

There are a couple things n my plate. I am super behind at work and am going to really need to get it done today and I both my babies this morning. I think my sweet boy are some bad pancakes from IHOP and he is not feeling so fly. I am also reconsidering some of my relationships. Particularly, the one with my sister-in-law. I am thinking that we could talk more. I have it good in the in-law department, but I am wondering if that is because we don't talk more than we have to. Plus, I don't want to use her as a replacement for my sister who has once again lost her mind and dropped off the grid for some dude.

I really like her and think I may up my calls to once a month or something. No pressure, but still more and we can see how that goes. By the end of this year I really hope to have cleaned up and cleaned out my closet and my life. No, I am not getting rid of my sister, but I am for real cutting the puppet strings.

Still Waiting

I have bee waiting to hear back about a new job for two weeks and it is honestly starting to make me a little crazy. I that patience is a virtue, but impatience is my norm. I am human and I like to get things when I want them. That is why I don't pray for patience. It usually results in God making you wait.

I am starting to feel more settled with myself at this stage of life and more comfortable with making life choices, but the little things continue to baffle me. Little things like waiting to hear back about a job that I know in my heart is mine. At first, I called to checkin with them, but now I have laid low for two days. I figured that I needed to stop looking so desperate. I am not sure what to do today. In theory, I will be too busy at work to call, but I am sure that the more I sit in my work funk the more I will want to call.

Ugh! Why is God always trying to teach me a lesson. Sometimes I just want to babied and given what I scream for and I WANT THIS JOB! I think?

Who knows what I want in te long run? I know I would like to hear something.

New Closet, New Me

Well, I did it. I went shopping for new pants to fit my new body. It was hard because they were not all the size I wanted them to be, but I must admit that they look better than the pants that I have been wearing and I feel good about them and how I look in them. Shopping was fun too. I went with Mom, Mallow and Suga. Suga is a riot and she loves shopping. If she is not waving, she is trying on shoes or sunglasses, or declaring how "pitty" (pretty) something is. People love her. She loves for people to watch her and she had a ball. She got some little sunglasses and rode through the mall leaned back in the stroller while wearing them. It was cute.

Then came the hard part. I had to clean out my closet of all the things that did not fit. I am not a hoarder, but I do get emotionally attached to som things and clothes are one of those things. I will remember where I wore it or bought it or who gave it to me and if it if "special" I find myself keeping it. This time was even harder because I had been keeping something's in the hopes to wear them again and the fact that they fit was overriding good judgement regarding whether I should keep them. So I did the unthinkable. I asked Husband for his opinion. This does not normally happen, for one simple reason. I am normally not serious about purging. Usually I get rid of things that I really don't want, like gifts that I never would have worn or things that I can't remember what I liked about them or shrank in the dryer, but this time I risked it all. Husband is honest and will do anything to help me, so I know that once I ask him there is no turning back. It was awful.

We cut my jean collection in half, including a pair I have had since college and I went there before Y2K. Some people don't even know what that means. Maybe I am a little bit of a hoarder. That stung, but then he suggested that a pair of jeans that I finally could wear again without the deal breath and fear of sitting should go in the donate pile. I almost passed out and not from a lack of blood flow as would have previously been the case because they really did fit. The question was do they actually look good on me or am I blinded by the fact that I can finally wear them without being greased down and spooned into them. I was about to argue to keep them when suddenly it hit me. I will never get what I want this way. I want to simplify and move forward, but I keep holding myself back. Like most people I want it all. I even want the things I don't want. That may be because I am American, but the truth is that I had reached my goal. The jeans fit. Now I needed to let it go and move towards my goal of a streamlined closet to go with my vision of an organized life.

I am learning a lot this year and i was telling Husband last night that I am finally starting to feel more settled in who I am. I spent most of last year picking at the trivial and exposing my shallow self. Now I think I am ready to examine my core. Jigga is right. We all need to carry "Do Better" into this year. For me that also means "Do Less"- less complaining, less working, and less avoiding. Definitely less holding on to things I don't really need. This is my year to "Live Better".

If you think I am hyped now, just wait until I clean out the shirts.

Size Matters

Is it possible to wear both a size 10 and a size 2? I feel like I watch enough What Not To Wear to know that is probably not possible. They always say that fit is the most important thing and unless someone has switched the tag, one of these must not fit. I am not ready to let go of my big pants and I am not confident enough to try on my other smaller sizes. But none of that matters today because...

Today is MY birthday, Chicas! I am getting older and I am excited about it. Chyna was a little annoyed that my mother called us old, but I am good with that. There are only two alternatives to getting older. One is to stay young forever (impossible, but lets indulge). I remember being 18 and even 21 and I am perfectly okay with leaving those days behind. They were fun, but part of growing and maturing is realizing that you don't want to live that way forever. I don't want to go back to college or back to living with my parents on break or college relationships. People get so caught up in wanting to look young that they forget how stupid they were then. I would rather not.

The next choice is to die and even though I believe in heaven, I would like to spend more time here before going there. I will say it is because I really want to appreciate it when I get there.

So I am going to enjoy this day and milk it for all I can. Happy Birthday to me!

Parenting

I don't understand parents. I know that I am a parent and I must admit that sometimes I do not understand the words that come out of my mouth even as I say them. In many ways, parenting is like an out of body experience. It does not come with specific instructions at the hospital, but I do think there are some simple truths that cannot be ignored.

Do not let your children smell. Bathing your child or making sure that your child takes a bath is crucial. Don't you remember how awful it was when Adam Sandler realized he had let his son become the smelly kid in Big Daddy. I had a kid come into group last week that smelled so bad that I could hardly stay in the room. I just don't understand how that happens. I am sure there will come a time when I will have to turn the hose on my son, but rest assured, I will do it. I just can't understand how she could even bear to ride in the car with that and it is winter, so don't tell me she had the windows down. How hard is it to make sure they wash? It is for the good of everyone and that includes you.

Don't ignore the obvious. I cannot tell you how many times I have a parent try to tell me they are still not sure if anything is wrong after their kid was put out of school, touched others and punched them in the face. One mother who has such clear deficits that an accounting major could have diagnosed him asked me it I thought it was something that he would "just grow out of" or "normal teenage stuff". How many people does your kid have to touch before you think he might be having an issue? Why would everyone be lying? Just get it fixed. It is more embarrassing to see them on the news in 10 years than it will be to get him or her therapy now.

Uh oh... the boss of my house just woke up.

I will have to get back to this later.