Well, I did it. I went shopping for new pants to fit my new body. It was hard because they were not all the size I wanted them to be, but I must admit that they look better than the pants that I have been wearing and I feel good about them and how I look in them. Shopping was fun too. I went with Mom, Mallow and Suga. Suga is a riot and she loves shopping. If she is not waving, she is trying on shoes or sunglasses, or declaring how "pitty" (pretty) something is. People love her. She loves for people to watch her and she had a ball. She got some little sunglasses and rode through the mall leaned back in the stroller while wearing them. It was cute.
Then came the hard part. I had to clean out my closet of all the things that did not fit. I am not a hoarder, but I do get emotionally attached to som things and clothes are one of those things. I will remember where I wore it or bought it or who gave it to me and if it if "special" I find myself keeping it. This time was even harder because I had been keeping something's in the hopes to wear them again and the fact that they fit was overriding good judgement regarding whether I should keep them. So I did the unthinkable. I asked Husband for his opinion. This does not normally happen, for one simple reason. I am normally not serious about purging. Usually I get rid of things that I really don't want, like gifts that I never would have worn or things that I can't remember what I liked about them or shrank in the dryer, but this time I risked it all. Husband is honest and will do anything to help me, so I know that once I ask him there is no turning back. It was awful.
We cut my jean collection in half, including a pair I have had since college and I went there before Y2K. Some people don't even know what that means. Maybe I am a little bit of a hoarder. That stung, but then he suggested that a pair of jeans that I finally could wear again without the deal breath and fear of sitting should go in the donate pile. I almost passed out and not from a lack of blood flow as would have previously been the case because they really did fit. The question was do they actually look good on me or am I blinded by the fact that I can finally wear them without being greased down and spooned into them. I was about to argue to keep them when suddenly it hit me. I will never get what I want this way. I want to simplify and move forward, but I keep holding myself back. Like most people I want it all. I even want the things I don't want. That may be because I am American, but the truth is that I had reached my goal. The jeans fit. Now I needed to let it go and move towards my goal of a streamlined closet to go with my vision of an organized life.
I am learning a lot this year and i was telling Husband last night that I am finally starting to feel more settled in who I am. I spent most of last year picking at the trivial and exposing my shallow self. Now I think I am ready to examine my core. Jigga is right. We all need to carry "Do Better" into this year. For me that also means "Do Less"- less complaining, less working, and less avoiding. Definitely less holding on to things I don't really need. This is my year to "Live Better".
If you think I am hyped now, just wait until I clean out the shirts.
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