I have been working really hard to get healthy. I realized somewhere in the middle of my weight loss that this was about more than my pants. I needed to also reevaluate the example I was setting for my kids. I did not grow up eating poorly and I did not want them to grow up that way. I have watched documentaries and read books and while I am not totally sure what to do, I am trying to get my family started. That was until I started to skid down the carbohydrate slippery slope.
It starts out innocent enough. You eat a "special" occasion cupcake/cookie and then maybe a couple of pancakes, but if you are me, the next thing you know you are eating pasta and cookies at the same time while thinking about toast. Don't judge me. I don't know how it keeps happening to me. I would love to blame it on food companies and say that the chemical compounds have been manipulated in a way to foster addiction and dependence, but as a therapist I know how to overcome addictions. I explain it to people everyday.
One of the things that stops me from changing is fear of what I will become. Food is a big part of life and I don't want to be excluded from that. I don't want to be the Wierd one not eating at the get together or the lecturer who says "ugh, don't you know what they put in those things?" Nobody wants to hang out with that person and I don't want to be her. So I indulge "just a little", only it is not long before I am eating a donut after eating a muffin for breakfast.
I was doing really well and I think that I can easily get back on track. I think I just need to be more forgiving of my slip ups and more disciplined with my "cheats" because that slippery slope thing is real.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Ready To Go Right Now
I am talking about my upcoming vacation. I am ready to go right now. I have not quite reached my goal, but I did go from a size 10 (12 if I were 100% honest) to a size 4. I think that is still worthy of major celebration. My SIL has admitted that she will not be bikini ready for the trip and that put me majorly at ease with my body because I won't feel outdone, especially considering her penchant for gloating.
The icing on the cake, however, was yesterday. My main coworker was put yesterday. I got a call 10 minutes before group letting me know that she hurt herself while moving this weekend. Yeah, right! That chica just did not want to come to work. She was probably tired, but I doubt she was hurting beyond muscle soreness from moving boxes. Then I get home and my mother wants to start chewing me out it is not that what she wanted was not important. It is that I listen to people fuss and complain all day. I need a break before I get it at home. I am too tired to do a back a forth and then when I ask what she wants she tells me that I am missing her point.
Ian not sure what the song is really about because I only heard it once on Dancing with the Stars, but Mr. Legend summed up my feelings perfectly. "I'm ready to go right now!"
The icing on the cake, however, was yesterday. My main coworker was put yesterday. I got a call 10 minutes before group letting me know that she hurt herself while moving this weekend. Yeah, right! That chica just did not want to come to work. She was probably tired, but I doubt she was hurting beyond muscle soreness from moving boxes. Then I get home and my mother wants to start chewing me out it is not that what she wanted was not important. It is that I listen to people fuss and complain all day. I need a break before I get it at home. I am too tired to do a back a forth and then when I ask what she wants she tells me that I am missing her point.
Ian not sure what the song is really about because I only heard it once on Dancing with the Stars, but Mr. Legend summed up my feelings perfectly. "I'm ready to go right now!"
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Vacation Day
I actually think I had a vacation day yesterday. I watched tv and finally cleared my DVR. I had no idea how much I missed Glee. I laughed. I cried. I ate popcorn, all while my daughter slept. Idid go to the market and make some soup for a work event, but overall I relaxed. I did not do laundry or clean up anything worth mentioning. Plus, I found the Sudafed and breathed through my nose for most of the night.
I spent the whole day with Suga even though the trouble maker that lives in the back of mind said that I should get dressed, drop her off at my parents and come back home. Thank God he made me to lazy to execute most plans because I would dangerous and clearly on my way to hell. Prayer must be working because lying just does not sit well with me anymore.
Today it is back to work and we have a spirit week at the hospital. I cooked and I am nervous. It is not that I am a bad cook, but I hate being judged and there is always an irrational fear that I am going to poison everyone. Don't judge me.. I am working through my crazy. Are you?
I am also still trying to get in shape for my trip. It is down to the wire and it is clear that the deciding factor is going to be what I eat for the next two weeks. I am an overeater and a snicker and all the things diet commercials warn against. I may not have anything to worry about since the people at work are trifling and will eat things that don't belong to them. Did I mention that someone drank my juice- my $4 juice? That is crazy to me. I can't imagine putting my mouth on someone else's stuff when I don't know who bought it or having the audacity to steal. Again, I guess pray is making me a better person. I can add not stealing to not lying. That is 2 out of 10 commandments right there.
So my plan for the next two weeks is to really make an effort to eat better. I will keep you posted.
I spent the whole day with Suga even though the trouble maker that lives in the back of mind said that I should get dressed, drop her off at my parents and come back home. Thank God he made me to lazy to execute most plans because I would dangerous and clearly on my way to hell. Prayer must be working because lying just does not sit well with me anymore.
Today it is back to work and we have a spirit week at the hospital. I cooked and I am nervous. It is not that I am a bad cook, but I hate being judged and there is always an irrational fear that I am going to poison everyone. Don't judge me.. I am working through my crazy. Are you?
I am also still trying to get in shape for my trip. It is down to the wire and it is clear that the deciding factor is going to be what I eat for the next two weeks. I am an overeater and a snicker and all the things diet commercials warn against. I may not have anything to worry about since the people at work are trifling and will eat things that don't belong to them. Did I mention that someone drank my juice- my $4 juice? That is crazy to me. I can't imagine putting my mouth on someone else's stuff when I don't know who bought it or having the audacity to steal. Again, I guess pray is making me a better person. I can add not stealing to not lying. That is 2 out of 10 commandments right there.
So my plan for the next two weeks is to really make an effort to eat better. I will keep you posted.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Set Up
I feel like I have been going non-stop all week, but I am in a good place. I love my job. I like the people I work with. There are a few people that I would switch out, but I feel like that would be the case anywhere.
The major issue is how this job is impacting my workouts. I have less than 30 days and about 20 more pounds to,go before vacation and unless I start waking up at 5 am, I don't have any realistic way to get all my workouts in. I do move around a lot at work. That is good, but not 20 pounds good.
None of that matters tonight though because I have a date with my honey and I am determined to look good and feel good about myself. I have made a lot of progress. I just gave away my brand new yellow jeans that I loved because I dropped another size. It is an exciting time and rather than dwell on not being at goal weight, today I celebrate my progress. I have gone from a 10-12 to a 6. I have started making sure that I take in healthier foods and set a good example for my babies.
Speaking of babies, my mom is watching them tonight. I am excited about that, but I know it comes with a price. What is it about mothers that makes it so hard for them to let you live your way. My mother questions everything I do. I know it is her way of showing care, but somedays it makes me crazy. Yesterday she gave me a tutorial on poop because she is convinced Suga is constipated despite her pooping like 3-4 times a day. She is apparently unhappy with the texture and I should watch it more closely. Well, I am sorry, but poop is poop and unless it is green with worms coming out, I don't see the big deal.
But today I get a break. I am leaving work on time and spending the rest of the night having fun. Thank you Jesus and thank you new job!
The major issue is how this job is impacting my workouts. I have less than 30 days and about 20 more pounds to,go before vacation and unless I start waking up at 5 am, I don't have any realistic way to get all my workouts in. I do move around a lot at work. That is good, but not 20 pounds good.
None of that matters tonight though because I have a date with my honey and I am determined to look good and feel good about myself. I have made a lot of progress. I just gave away my brand new yellow jeans that I loved because I dropped another size. It is an exciting time and rather than dwell on not being at goal weight, today I celebrate my progress. I have gone from a 10-12 to a 6. I have started making sure that I take in healthier foods and set a good example for my babies.
Speaking of babies, my mom is watching them tonight. I am excited about that, but I know it comes with a price. What is it about mothers that makes it so hard for them to let you live your way. My mother questions everything I do. I know it is her way of showing care, but somedays it makes me crazy. Yesterday she gave me a tutorial on poop because she is convinced Suga is constipated despite her pooping like 3-4 times a day. She is apparently unhappy with the texture and I should watch it more closely. Well, I am sorry, but poop is poop and unless it is green with worms coming out, I don't see the big deal.
But today I get a break. I am leaving work on time and spending the rest of the night having fun. Thank you Jesus and thank you new job!
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