Those are Suga's new favorite words. If she can't get he way she will pout, cross her arms and say with conviction something like, "I don't want night night." That also reminds me of something. Why do we say everything to kids twice- night night, eat eat, yum yum. That is so weird to me, but I do it too.
Her birthday is coming up and I am faced with a problem that I never really had before. I don't know who to invite. She is having a little kid party and I don't really know people with kids her age. I never really had that issue with LoLo because the kids I know are close enough in age to invite usually. On top of that I really feel weird about presents. I don't want people to feel like they have to get her a gift. I invite people for fun- not gifts. She is a LOT of things, but "in need" is not one of them. This is a issue for me because we don't get invited to more than two parties and so I don't feel like we ever return the favor and that bothers me. Would it be weird to give a gift with the invite (giving a Toy'sRUs card might be seen as giving a card for them to buy her a gift and that would be too weird, even for me) or have a couple of presents at her party for other kids. I don't know, but I am thinking about it.
My next concern is LoLo. I wanted to invite one of his school friends, but he is at that age where everyone is learning to be friends and inviting one means inviting all. That won't bother Jenna because, like I said, she currently does not have any friends to invite, but it will bother her Daddy, my sweet Husband, who would really appreciate me staying on budget this year. Inviting LoLo's whole class is not a good way to do that. Although maybe I should invite that girl he kicked in the mouth the other day as a peace offering.
That is a lot to think about, but maybe the hardest part is wrapping my mind around the fact that my little girls will be turning two soon. She is getting ready to move out the nursery and into a big girl room and big girl bed. It is crazy to me and find myself holding her tight, trying get the last of her baby smell etched in my mind and thinking about how much she is going to keep changing and I find myself wanting to say the same thing she does.
I don't want it!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Shame Diet
So, I went out with my girls on Friday and it was great to sit and laugh and stuff, but of course they had to tell me about their new fitness app that helps you create and track your diet. I swore to myself as we were talking that I would not get into this. I used to have a similar program, but it just got to be too much work to keep up with, but they say this one is so easy and it has a barcode scanner. What?!?
I am known for my willpower. So, I made it to the next morning. This app is ridiculous. I love it and I hate it. I am sure that I will lose weight because I am too Christian to lie and too ashamed to write more things than necessary. There go all my extra snacks. I am apparently never going to be under the sugar limit of my personalized plan. I am over that limit before lunch having only eaten a Greek yogurt and a peach. We are going to have to chalk that up to the game and call it a loss.
I did put in my exercise to create some balance. I have to say that it felt good to win back some fat grams and it was nice to find out that I eat way fewer carbs than I would have guessed. I do, however, need to drink more water. I am willing to work on that. The good news is that according to the program, I can lose almost 10 pounds in the next 5 weeks if I keep eating like I did yesterday. The bad news is that I was struggling to stay on track yesterday. Hopefully, that will get easier with time.
I am willing to endure the shaming food tracker and share my story here for some accountability if it means that I will be able to close out this year having completed at least one goal and getting a good job with a normal and rationally thinking, supportive boss is seeming more and more like an impossibility.
As a side note, I think that I would eat way less if I were not angry at work all the time. I Che o tat I won't be expected to talk. It is my take on the idea about not saying anything when you don't have anything nice to say, but I may have to start talking so that I can drop a few pounds.
I am known for my willpower. So, I made it to the next morning. This app is ridiculous. I love it and I hate it. I am sure that I will lose weight because I am too Christian to lie and too ashamed to write more things than necessary. There go all my extra snacks. I am apparently never going to be under the sugar limit of my personalized plan. I am over that limit before lunch having only eaten a Greek yogurt and a peach. We are going to have to chalk that up to the game and call it a loss.
I did put in my exercise to create some balance. I have to say that it felt good to win back some fat grams and it was nice to find out that I eat way fewer carbs than I would have guessed. I do, however, need to drink more water. I am willing to work on that. The good news is that according to the program, I can lose almost 10 pounds in the next 5 weeks if I keep eating like I did yesterday. The bad news is that I was struggling to stay on track yesterday. Hopefully, that will get easier with time.
I am willing to endure the shaming food tracker and share my story here for some accountability if it means that I will be able to close out this year having completed at least one goal and getting a good job with a normal and rationally thinking, supportive boss is seeming more and more like an impossibility.
As a side note, I think that I would eat way less if I were not angry at work all the time. I Che o tat I won't be expected to talk. It is my take on the idea about not saying anything when you don't have anything nice to say, but I may have to start talking so that I can drop a few pounds.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
3 Girls Reunion
One of the things I miss most about my old job is spending lunch with Jigga and JJ Santana. I also miss Lotus, but she left before I did, so I don't know if she counts as being a part of the old job. A staple of our lunch hour was laughing hysterically at different magazines. It could be anything from Vogue to US Weekly to Home and Garden. Nobody got away unscathed and this Friday we are meeting up.
I am super excited. My boss tried to keep us apart by lying directly to my face about why I could not leave early, but my girls were not deterred and we adjusted ourselves accordingly. She told me someone else had asked off and been approved. That person told me they did not and when confronted, my boss did what she always does. She made excuses, but I don't care because I am still going. I don't even care that I have work the next day because I am truly fun deprived.
I want to know random things like are the events I used to plan more or less fun now that I am gone. Are he crazy people still crazy and if anyone has gotten, fat, skinny, married or divorced. I may even have to bring a magazine for old times sake.
I am super excited. My boss tried to keep us apart by lying directly to my face about why I could not leave early, but my girls were not deterred and we adjusted ourselves accordingly. She told me someone else had asked off and been approved. That person told me they did not and when confronted, my boss did what she always does. She made excuses, but I don't care because I am still going. I don't even care that I have work the next day because I am truly fun deprived.
I want to know random things like are the events I used to plan more or less fun now that I am gone. Are he crazy people still crazy and if anyone has gotten, fat, skinny, married or divorced. I may even have to bring a magazine for old times sake.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Gun Control
I recently saw a rally full of gun activists. They all seemed to be upset about the potential new gun laws that they feel will interfere with the ability to exercise their 2nd Amendment rights. I may not be a gun advocate, but I support the Constitution. I support the being able to bear arms as a means of providing food for their families and to protect their homes, but their are just something's about gun advocates I don't understand.
1. What is the big deal about having to pass a background check. If you are such a fine upstanding citizen and just want to be able to protect your home, why not embrace to background check. That may make it one less criminal trespasser you have to shoot. What is so pressing in your life that you need the gun right this minute? You knew about the hunting trip in enough time to get the riffle and let's be honest you already have several that you could use if it was last minute. In the rush to make it convenient for law abiding don't forget that you are also making it easy for the crazy and the dangerous.
2. Why do you need military grade weapons? Are you prepping for some kind of invasion? I have seen the same footage that you have of other counties where citizens are in the midst of civil unrest and have taken up arms. Places where children and grandmothers have Uzis. That is what you want? I hope not because things don't look so rosy to me. Are you worried that terrorist are going to helicopter in and you and your well armed neighbors will be the only hope? Stop watching Red Dawn and Rambo marathons late at night. It may be starting to get you. Should we be attacked, we do actually have a functioning military and should things get so desperate that they need to call you, they will. I am sure your name is on a list somewhere. (Conspiracy theory alert!)
3. What are you hunting that you need a AK-47 to kill? This is an extension of number 2. I don't hunt, but I respect people who hunt for food. If you plan to eat it or wear it, then by all means go out and get it, but what animal needs to be shot with multiple rounds of ammunition. That level of fire power is usually reserved for humans, not dear and I am not down with people hunting.
Maybe I will never understand.
1. What is the big deal about having to pass a background check. If you are such a fine upstanding citizen and just want to be able to protect your home, why not embrace to background check. That may make it one less criminal trespasser you have to shoot. What is so pressing in your life that you need the gun right this minute? You knew about the hunting trip in enough time to get the riffle and let's be honest you already have several that you could use if it was last minute. In the rush to make it convenient for law abiding don't forget that you are also making it easy for the crazy and the dangerous.
2. Why do you need military grade weapons? Are you prepping for some kind of invasion? I have seen the same footage that you have of other counties where citizens are in the midst of civil unrest and have taken up arms. Places where children and grandmothers have Uzis. That is what you want? I hope not because things don't look so rosy to me. Are you worried that terrorist are going to helicopter in and you and your well armed neighbors will be the only hope? Stop watching Red Dawn and Rambo marathons late at night. It may be starting to get you. Should we be attacked, we do actually have a functioning military and should things get so desperate that they need to call you, they will. I am sure your name is on a list somewhere. (Conspiracy theory alert!)
3. What are you hunting that you need a AK-47 to kill? This is an extension of number 2. I don't hunt, but I respect people who hunt for food. If you plan to eat it or wear it, then by all means go out and get it, but what animal needs to be shot with multiple rounds of ammunition. That level of fire power is usually reserved for humans, not dear and I am not down with people hunting.
Maybe I will never understand.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Resume
I hav made it clear that I want a new job, but I have not made a concerted effort to get one. It is just such a daunting task to me. Updating and tweaking my résumé is akin to torture for me. The idea of going on interviews I disheartening. I mean, really, it was hard enough to get these people to like me. Now you want me to resume my search with a new résumé in hand and smile on my face. Boo to that.
I don't know if you are anything like me when it comes to interview prep, but I tend to pick out m perceived weaknesses in the hopes that I will be prepared to address them should the other person pick up on them. I am no fool. I am not going to point them out, but I can't pretend like they don't exist and go in unprepared. Thi may sound like a good plan ,but it does nothing to ease insecurities. It can also be as equally frustrating as fixing my résumé.
Then there is the whole idea of being able to market yourself. If I had wanted to learn how to sell myself, I would have gone into prostitution. I know there are some people who love a sles pitch, but I am not one of them and my intense dislike of people putting on the game face for me makes it extremely difficult for me to do it to others. Then I am just getting on my own nerves and that is stupid.
I can totally see how people stay at a job for twenty or thirty years. They are like me. I a person who does not want a lot of fuss or confusion. I want to be stable and taken care of by a company that acknowledges and utilizes my skills. I just want to be somewhere I can do what I love and not be mistreated. It seems so simple, yet has so far proven too much to ask.
I don't know if you are anything like me when it comes to interview prep, but I tend to pick out m perceived weaknesses in the hopes that I will be prepared to address them should the other person pick up on them. I am no fool. I am not going to point them out, but I can't pretend like they don't exist and go in unprepared. Thi may sound like a good plan ,but it does nothing to ease insecurities. It can also be as equally frustrating as fixing my résumé.
Then there is the whole idea of being able to market yourself. If I had wanted to learn how to sell myself, I would have gone into prostitution. I know there are some people who love a sles pitch, but I am not one of them and my intense dislike of people putting on the game face for me makes it extremely difficult for me to do it to others. Then I am just getting on my own nerves and that is stupid.
I can totally see how people stay at a job for twenty or thirty years. They are like me. I a person who does not want a lot of fuss or confusion. I want to be stable and taken care of by a company that acknowledges and utilizes my skills. I just want to be somewhere I can do what I love and not be mistreated. It seems so simple, yet has so far proven too much to ask.
Surroundings
As I was waiting for my Clinical Supervisor to appear, I realized something. I am sure you all remember my weight loss plan and my resolution to stay motivated. As I sat in the IHOP parking lot that I need to stop hanging out in places full of fat people.
I know that sounds harsh, but I think for me it may be true. I like to watch people and as I sat in my car, I started to pay attention to the people who were coming out of the restaurant. I am not saying that they were all fat, but I will say that the majority could have benefited from a more effective work out regimen.
Then it dawned on me. Much the same way I tell my addiction clients that they need to change their old handouts and habits, I may need to trade in some of my old haunts. Standing outside in the smokers corner and bars is not a good way to quit smoking and sitting in a booth surrounded by pancakes is probably not the best way to stay focused on a healthy eating plan.
I need to start going places that healthy (in this case read thinner) people go to eat. Places that understand that elusive concept of portion control. That is not to say that I can never go back. I don't think the occasional short stack is going to kill the plan, but if I want to get serious this year and stay motivated, I need to stop going places where the people make me feel like my bad habits are okay either because they have them or because they are fatter than me.
Don't judge me; I know you do it too.
I know that sounds harsh, but I think for me it may be true. I like to watch people and as I sat in my car, I started to pay attention to the people who were coming out of the restaurant. I am not saying that they were all fat, but I will say that the majority could have benefited from a more effective work out regimen.
Then it dawned on me. Much the same way I tell my addiction clients that they need to change their old handouts and habits, I may need to trade in some of my old haunts. Standing outside in the smokers corner and bars is not a good way to quit smoking and sitting in a booth surrounded by pancakes is probably not the best way to stay focused on a healthy eating plan.
I need to start going places that healthy (in this case read thinner) people go to eat. Places that understand that elusive concept of portion control. That is not to say that I can never go back. I don't think the occasional short stack is going to kill the plan, but if I want to get serious this year and stay motivated, I need to stop going places where the people make me feel like my bad habits are okay either because they have them or because they are fatter than me.
Don't judge me; I know you do it too.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Baby I Deserve
I don't know how many people remember that song "Maybe I Deserve" by Tank. I loved that song when it came and would probably sing it loudly in my car if it were to start playing (very little chance of that considering I mostly listen to the gospel station, but stranger things have happened- remember the cheating song lady doing a radio promo. I'm just saying.) The song is basically about a guy who cheated on his girlfriend telling her that he deserves to be treated the same way. When he is singing it sounds like he is saying that he wants to stay with her and would be willing to deal with some payback (FYI- he is not saying that.)
This song came to my mind after Husband told me that wife in one of our couple friends is filing for divorce. I am a little annoyed because I am well aware that as much as I like her, we are going to him in the divorce. Anyone who has been through it knows that friendships are like children and someone always ends up with "primary" custody and in this case he was Husband's friend first and then he got married. That means when they break-up we will be viewed primarily as his friend. Normally when someone files for divorce, I feel bad for the other person, but not this time. don't think she is blameless in that she let him slack off in so many ways with no repercussions under the guise of being supportive of him and his dreams. She worked and went to school, while letting him be at home half taking care of the kids. This fool takes the cake because he cheated and still seems perplexed as to why she does not want to stay.
Generally speaking, I do not find infidelity to be an automatic deal breaker. I think there are a lot of issues that need to be weighed by the people involved in the situation and I respect those that view it as a wake up call and work to overcome it and develop healthier and stronger relationships because of it. That was not the case this time. This is not his first time "dipping out", as Husband calls it. This girl has forgiven him at least three other times according to my count, including once with either a close friend or family member. I find that to be crazy. This last time happened after she left and he professed to realizing that he needed to do better overall. He was working. They seemed to have turned a corner and then...he lets some chick from work drive him home.
The neighbors dropped the dime on him and she confronted him and I guess he confessed. I won't even get into how annoyed I am by his continuous use of Bible verses to talk about becoming a better man and such, while being trifling. IThat burns my biscuits in a whole other kind of way, but hearing this story made me think of that song. I thought if anyone deserves to know what it is like to have someone bring another man into his home to dirty up the sheets, it is this dude. He deserves to wonder who she is texting and giggling with. He should be singing this song, but then it dawned on me that the guys who sing this kind of song are just doing it so that they can feel like things are even. Like by letting you do it, it somehow absolves them from any wrong doing. That is not at all what they deserve. It is certainly not what he deserves
He deserves to sit at home alone and broke with the knowledge that he ruined a beautiful family, hurt his wife and children, without anyone to blame it on but himself. Knowing that she was faithful and supportive when nobody else was there for him makes the sting so much stronger and that is what he deserves.
This song came to my mind after Husband told me that wife in one of our couple friends is filing for divorce. I am a little annoyed because I am well aware that as much as I like her, we are going to him in the divorce. Anyone who has been through it knows that friendships are like children and someone always ends up with "primary" custody and in this case he was Husband's friend first and then he got married. That means when they break-up we will be viewed primarily as his friend. Normally when someone files for divorce, I feel bad for the other person, but not this time. don't think she is blameless in that she let him slack off in so many ways with no repercussions under the guise of being supportive of him and his dreams. She worked and went to school, while letting him be at home half taking care of the kids. This fool takes the cake because he cheated and still seems perplexed as to why she does not want to stay.
Generally speaking, I do not find infidelity to be an automatic deal breaker. I think there are a lot of issues that need to be weighed by the people involved in the situation and I respect those that view it as a wake up call and work to overcome it and develop healthier and stronger relationships because of it. That was not the case this time. This is not his first time "dipping out", as Husband calls it. This girl has forgiven him at least three other times according to my count, including once with either a close friend or family member. I find that to be crazy. This last time happened after she left and he professed to realizing that he needed to do better overall. He was working. They seemed to have turned a corner and then...he lets some chick from work drive him home.
The neighbors dropped the dime on him and she confronted him and I guess he confessed. I won't even get into how annoyed I am by his continuous use of Bible verses to talk about becoming a better man and such, while being trifling. IThat burns my biscuits in a whole other kind of way, but hearing this story made me think of that song. I thought if anyone deserves to know what it is like to have someone bring another man into his home to dirty up the sheets, it is this dude. He deserves to wonder who she is texting and giggling with. He should be singing this song, but then it dawned on me that the guys who sing this kind of song are just doing it so that they can feel like things are even. Like by letting you do it, it somehow absolves them from any wrong doing. That is not at all what they deserve. It is certainly not what he deserves
He deserves to sit at home alone and broke with the knowledge that he ruined a beautiful family, hurt his wife and children, without anyone to blame it on but himself. Knowing that she was faithful and supportive when nobody else was there for him makes the sting so much stronger and that is what he deserves.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Fine Print
I recently came across a woman who may have been suffering from diet pill induced hallucinations. This led to a semi-serious conversation with Chyna. The truth is that warning is rarely on the front of the package. Chyna joked that things like may cause hallucinations are more than likely on the back in the smallest font possible. That got me thinking.
Maybe that is what I should be reading first instead of the ingredients. Think about it for a minute. We all know that the catch is usually in the fine print of contracts and those win a prize deals, but how many of us think about that for our food and diet products. I liken it to those commercials for things like Cialis and Work Shift Syndrome. After you hear the long list of possible side effects for the pill to help those who work the night shift (heart attack, suicidal thoughts, paranoia, manic episodes, etc.) you realize that a cup of coffee will work just as well.
I am sure that if the front of the box said that it could result in a psychotic break she would have just cut out the carbs.
Maybe that is what I should be reading first instead of the ingredients. Think about it for a minute. We all know that the catch is usually in the fine print of contracts and those win a prize deals, but how many of us think about that for our food and diet products. I liken it to those commercials for things like Cialis and Work Shift Syndrome. After you hear the long list of possible side effects for the pill to help those who work the night shift (heart attack, suicidal thoughts, paranoia, manic episodes, etc.) you realize that a cup of coffee will work just as well.
I am sure that if the front of the box said that it could result in a psychotic break she would have just cut out the carbs.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Day One
Happy New Year!
This is day one not just of the new year, but of my new resolve to get fit. Husband has been gone since the day after Christmas and my plan was to work out everyday while he was gone. Today is the first day that I have actually done it. It felt good. I have to honest when I say that I have no idea how I will be able to keep it up, but my resolution is to stay motivated.
Statistics say that I will probably last until the end of the week. I pray to God that they are wrong about that. I have been thinking (yes, dangerous, I know.) and I think that small goals with several little timeline check-ins could work. I am even considering buying a scale. I haven't had one of those in over a decade. I think it could be good for me to hold myself more accountable and get some tangible results other than the clothes I am too afraid to try on.
I also went to my mother's house for the customary black eyed peas (luck) and collard greens (money). I did not eat the something sweet unless the yogurt I ate earlier counts. I hope that won't make this year sour. Especially, since I had an interview yesterday. Last year was hard for me in a lot of ways. I am ready for things to change.
My year has begun and I am so ready for it to be a good one.
This is day one not just of the new year, but of my new resolve to get fit. Husband has been gone since the day after Christmas and my plan was to work out everyday while he was gone. Today is the first day that I have actually done it. It felt good. I have to honest when I say that I have no idea how I will be able to keep it up, but my resolution is to stay motivated.
Statistics say that I will probably last until the end of the week. I pray to God that they are wrong about that. I have been thinking (yes, dangerous, I know.) and I think that small goals with several little timeline check-ins could work. I am even considering buying a scale. I haven't had one of those in over a decade. I think it could be good for me to hold myself more accountable and get some tangible results other than the clothes I am too afraid to try on.
I also went to my mother's house for the customary black eyed peas (luck) and collard greens (money). I did not eat the something sweet unless the yogurt I ate earlier counts. I hope that won't make this year sour. Especially, since I had an interview yesterday. Last year was hard for me in a lot of ways. I am ready for things to change.
My year has begun and I am so ready for it to be a good one.
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