Wishes

I wish I could keep my eyes open when I sneeze, particularly, when I am driving.
I wish I could guarantee that my kids would not try drugs or become alcoholics.
I wish that I did not get phone calls during my kid's nap time.
I wish I could understand the Loan Forgiveness outline on the Sallie Mae site.
I wish I had a reliable babysitter.
I wish that both Republicans and Democrats would stop smelling themselves so hard and figure out how to do something productive.
I wish people would let me finish before they decide on what I am going to say.
I wish children came with better instructions, or any for that matter.
I wish I lived in one of those fairytales where the dishes cleaned themselves.
I wish wisdom did not take so long.

Most importantly today I wish Husband a Happy Birthday!

Back at It

On Friday, after I had been at work for an hour, my boss came and told me that she had given me the day off as I requested weeks ago. "Why are you here?"

Me- because you did not approve my vacation request

Yes I did. I gave it back to you.

No

I sent it back to you

I never got it

Why didn't you come talk to me about it.

Silence ( I did not think it was a good time to say that I sent an email, asked about it a meeting and went and read the time calendar that you keep on your desk.) Can I leave now?

Well that is up to you and your team. 

i left after my meeting and some typing, but I think this is just another example of how far things have gotten out of control. I am constantly working to keep my mouth shut. I don't know what I can do. I have been eating to keep myself from talking, but that is counter productive to my diet and my fast. So, I now that my mouth is no longer occupied by food, what can I do to keep it shut?

I went in late yesterday after taking my little boy to the dentist. He did an awesome job. There was another little boy who had to be held down while he got his teeth cleaned. LoLo looked at me and with the straightest face said, "He is not going to get a toy." I would normally miss moments like this because I work the worse hours ever, but I think I am done with that. 

I have been looking and I don't seem to qualify for much in my field, but I can always go back to being an admin. That may be what I have to do. I don't have the money for private practice and I find that other people are not as serious as I am about taking that leap anyway. 

I do know that I am done putting my children on the back burner for a job, especially one that tries to make me seem crazy. I know I would not have shown up to work if I had known in advance because I had been complaining for the last 3 weeks about her not approving my time.  It helped me prove my point when another colleague acknowledged the same had happened to her. It was almost as good as when she told me I could not take a day because other people had been approved and neither of those people had asked for time off. (That is right, I checked. Then she told me it was automatic because of one person's birthday. Well, my birthday is next week, we will see if I get the special day off treatment.)

For now, I will just have to get back to looking and sending out resumes. Jigga says we need to take "Do Better" into 2013. She is right. I need to for real do better when it comes to my job situation. I make really bad choices. Not as bad as my boyfriend choices in high school, but still not stellar. 

So I am back at it and hopefully this time I will get it right. 

2 Observations

What is it about the season of Lent that makes other people so generous? I am not talking about people you like either, but people who just the day before would have driven by you if they saw you on fire. These same people will offer to take you to lunch their "treat" the moment you tell yourself you are going fast during your lunch hour, or if you give up sweets, they come baring a tray of "homemade" whatever. It is like they just know.

It kind of makes me want to make my "sacrifice" something like not taking money from strangers or people who make me angry. At least if I break that I will know that I set them up for a change. Maybe my resolution should be to give up raises or vacation days. Then I can get excited when they offer me exactly what I agreed to refuse. I know that would probably not work, but I am just saying. I have not told anyone what I gave up for lent, but I have had several tests and I started late. I just don't know how it seems to happen every time.

Second, I don't know what is wrong with parents. I don't understand the crazy obsession with being your kids friend. I understand not wanting your kids to hate you, but giving up discipline and respect so that they will want to hang out with you is crazy. They are a kid. They have to hang out with you. They can't leave the house without you or your permission. Is your life so sad that you can't figure out that simple reasoning.

Husband and I have similar experiences with parents who just have no idea how to be parents. They don't know if they should give their kids medicine for reasons like he never takes it at his dad's house so I quit or because things are less structured at home so I only give it to him on school days despite him acting out and kicking people.

What in the world are they thinking. If you don't want your kid on medication, I can respect that, but just say that. Don't try to trick me. I also get things like, what do I do if he does not want to listen? Are you serious? You are a parent. Parent him and provide consequences and responsibilities. I know my kids are young, but I hope I never get to that place with them.

It is like my mother used to say, "I am not one of your friends. We can be friendly, but I will always be your mother."

Case closed.

Conspiracy Theory

Do you ever have days where it feels like everyone is out to get you and that they are all working together. I had one of those days. It started with another epic guilt trip from my mother, included a painfully long meeting at work and ended with an ethics test when a client's mother did not give him his medication.

By the end of the night I was over it. I get a call on my way home asking where Suga's pacifier is because she won't sleep without. It is at my parent's house and Husband wants me to get it on my way home. Thus, bringing me right back to the beginning of the crazy which overran my day.

I think I need a break, but I won't get one this weekend because I will be working. However, I am pretty sure that this will be my last weekend for a while. I say that knowing that I agreed to be on the schedule until the end of March. So, I will probably get to work today and find out I am scheduled to work every weekend in March- even the ones I did not put in for.

I could probably get over everyone else driving me crazy, but there is one person that I just do not understand being in on it. Me! More specifically,my abs. I have been working like crazy for the past few weeks and I am super excited to say that I am down one row of back fat. The crease is going away too. Yippee, but but my abs are still clearly on some kind of covert mission because I can't find them anywhere and that led me to a truly upsetting thought. What if I never see them again?

Is it too soon to give up hope? Maybe, but if I am going to have to work harder I just may have to quit on them. Right now I am doing 5 days a week and sometimes twice a day. If I don't see progress soon I will have to declare my abs the head of the conspiracy to make me crazy and put them on my terror list in the space currently reserved for my mother, directly above my children.

And while don't have a plan of action, I must be clear when I say I will not negotiate with terrorists.

Tucked In

I would like to add something new to the list of things I do not find attractive- tucked in Polo shirts.
Eww! I don't know who thinks that is cute, but it is never a good look for anyone too old for Granimals and too young for AARP.

So as not to jus pick on the fellas, I would also like to add something for the ladies. Ladies please stop wearing the stink face. There is nothing cute about it.it looks ridiculous most of the time and is totally unapproachable. I mean who wants to talk to someone walking around looking like they pooted and it smelled so bad that they offended themselves and tha is just being polite because really you look like a pensive judgmental shrew with nonsense of humor or enjoyment in life. Nothing about that says date me. It also does not encourage people to befriend you. Please stop telling yourself that it is because other people are jealous. It is because nobody wants to be around someone making that face.

Ridiculous themed jewelry is another issue that I will define as a unisex problem. You do not wear Tar Heel earrings to work unless you work on the NC campus and even then it should be Spirit Day because you are a grown up person and wearing feet in your ears looks stupid. Men, unless you are the member of a championship team you shoul not be wearing a team ring, logos as earrings or a team medallion around your neck. Groupies are lame, but male groupies who are still trying to grow up to blike their favorite player after age 13 are sad.

Don't be sad!

Big Girl Room

Suga Booga moved into her "Big Girl" room this weekend. The crib is gone and the toddler bed is up. She has a Minnie Mouse theme and her own little desk. She even said, "I love it!" I am so proud of Husband. He worked really hard on this. Even LoLo helped.

It was nice to spend my weekend with them and not think about work. I actually got a lot done. I even cleaned out my email. I went from over 2000 emails to 14. I washed clothes and dishes. I worked out and relaxed. Husband and I had a date night (it was at home because we still have not found a replacement for our sitter, but it was awesome to hang out with him). This was by far the best weekend I have had in a long time.

Now I have to ruin it by going to work. I found some resources while going through my emails about jobs. Another reason for me to become more responsible. My goal for this month is to make cleaning the dishes in a timely fashion my new habit. You may remember that last month was exercise. I am proud to say that my routine is still working, but next month is probably going to have to be money management or email checking. Who am I fooling. I hate budgeting, so email it is. Why ruin my birth month with a task I hate!

I am happy to report that for the first time in a long time, I am happy right now. My Suga is becoming a "big girl" and o is her Mommy.

Finally Free

I finally broke 150. That is the first time since having Suga that I can say that with a straight face. I am really happy about my progress. Even that trip to McDonalds could not derail me. That is a big deal because McDonalds is a huge trap for me and falling off that wagon usually has weeks of struggling to get back on track and lots of shame and regret. It is like hooking up with that guy you told all your friends that you would NEVER speak to again after what he did.

McDonalds is like that for me because McDonalds or more honestly my addiction to MCDonalds almost ruined my wedding. It was not until I found myself sitting in the bridal store parking lot before a dress fitting shoving fries in my mouth, hoping nobody saw me, that I realized I needed to make a change. Did I mention that I had made a U-turn to get these fries? I decided then and ther to do better. I could not let fries derail my wedding dress and I have been pretty good about making McDonalds occasional. That was my first meal there this year.

The thing is, I did not enjoy it as much as I normally would. The fries were not fresh at all and something seemed a little off about my burger. Then, to make matters worse, I had to type it into my fitness app. I wasted a whopping 990 calories on a meal that I did not even enjoy. Boo! Even the smell wa questionable to me. That is like three quarters of my daily allowance wasted. Grr! That is not a good return on my investment, if you know what I mean.

I don't think I am in a position to say never, but it is going to take some really good reasoning for me to go back. I think I may finally be free of that vice. Woo Hoo! Bring on the flat abs!

Next Level

First, I must announce that I have lost 5 pounds and the mom who wanted to chew me out canceled her meeting. I am SUPER excited about those two things and am pretty sure that nothing can ruin my week as I once again have tangible proof that God is both real and in my corner. What, what!?!

I am also psyched and afraid about taking my life to the next level. I have been working with my mom this year on setting small goals to get to a better lifestyle. For example, her only goal for the month of January was to drink more water. Everyday, I would call and check until she made it a habit. Unfortunately, I now have a habit of asking about her water intake, but lets be honest, I have way worse habits. Her goal for this month is to exercise for 10 minutes everyday. She says it is working and she is feeling better. That also makes me happy because she had to admit that I was right and any daughter will tell you that getting your mother to say that is almost as impressive as winning Olympics gold without steroids.

But this is still my mother and so no compliment comes without a challenge. She let it be known that if I want her to do better I will also need to step up to the plate and work on some things. Much like my choosing her first goal she chose a beginner goal for me - to keep my kitchen clean. This really means that she is tired of me procrastinating on washing the dishes because the rest of my kitchen is clean and dirty dishes are her pet peeve. She in no uncertain terms let it be known that I will need to do something for her if I want her to keep working. Basically, if I want a healthy mom, I will need an empty sink. It is top notch trickery. I can't say that my freedom to stall on dishes is more important than her health. Oh, is she crafty.

So I will be forced to take this makeover to the next level and start making some more lifestyle changes. I just signed up to get my credit score info and boy was I surprised. I am pretty sure two of the things listed are not mine at all. I am more than okay with going down for my own mistakes, but not for stuff I did not do. So, I have to put on my big girl voice and fight to clean up my credit. I am telling you, I am taking it to the next level.

Me and Fergie, so 3008! Boom, boom, boom!